Six months after her husband’s death, she was removed, in an invalid carriage, to the residence of her eldest son in Essex, whose house continued to be her home the remainder of her days. In writing to a much beloved friend, from this quiet retreat soon after her arrival, she remarks,—“Every comfort and every indulgence is allotted to me by my attentive children. Oh what boundless demands upon my gratitude are thus poured forth. I would gladly hope not without a heartfelt acknowledgment to that Almighty Giver, who is the author of all our manifold mercies. For all things I reverently thank my God and Saviour, remembering you my dear friends, whom I have left, with the truest affection.”
To the same friend, who herself was suffering from illness, she again writes, “Oh, dearest ---, how many of His dear children does the Lord keep long in the furnace, yet if he do but grant his presence there, and watch over the refining process he designs to be accomplished, there ought to be no complaining either of the length of time, or the severity of the operation, but through all, the full fruits of resignation should be brought forth in perfection, to his praise, and his glory. That so it may be, my dear friend, forms a wish on my own account as well as on thine, day by day. The time has appeared long to me, that I have been required to lay under the rod, but when we measure time as did the Apostle of old, and think of it as a vapour that quickly passeth away, or as a shadow that abideth not, we see that it is but for a little moment that our chastening can endure. I cannot forbear beholding my day as far spent; but I do rejoice to see heaven as a place of rest for me,—yes, even for me! through the blood shed for my sins on Calvary’s Mount. This mercy in Christ Jesus, how precious it is to dwell upon.”
Alice Waller loved the company of all those
that loved the Lord Jesus, and especially the messengers of the gospel were acceptable to her. On one occasion when receiving a visit from a friend, whilst laid upon her bed of suffering, she, in great contrition, expressed her sense of her heavenly Father’s love and mercy to her, a poor creature, adding, “I feel bound to tell of His marvellous goodness to me, even to me, by night and by day upon my bed, in seasons of trial I have been comforted by my Saviour’s presence.”
In the beginning of the Sixth Month, 1850, she became more poorly, and both herself and her children were impressed with the belief that her end was drawing near; on the 15th she passed a very trying day, but in the evening revived a little and spoke most sweetly of the fulness and clearness of her hope, and her perfect confidence in the love and mercy of her God, extended to her for the sake of her beloved Saviour; she was full of sweetness and affection to all around her, her heart overflowing with gratitude to God and man. “Dear Hannah C. Backhouse,” she remarked, “visited me a short time before I came here, and she said, ‘I believe Jesus has thrown his arm of everlasting love around thee, and is drawing thee
nearer and nearer to himself, and he will draw thee nearer and nearer, till at last He will press thee into his bosom.’ It was a sweet message; I have often thought upon it since, and I now feel such close union of spirit with God, that I cannot doubt it is even so.” On the passage of Scripture being repeated, “The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear him,” she added, “yes, and preserveth them.—‘This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and delivered him from all his troubles.’ The fear of the Lord has been my support for many years past.” And on being reminded of that verse of Scripture, “Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me,” she said, “He has been my staff and my rod in the dark valley of death, keeping my head above the waters, and he has given me hope full of immortality,—full of immortality! and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord for ever; I humbly trust that such will be my portion.” She then remarked “It is just a week to-day since I began to be so very ill;—strange conflict of the body, with the mind so perfectly tranquil, in strong confirmation of the blessed promise, ‘Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is
stayed on thee.’—I have often thought I heard the song of Moses and of the Lamb, as I lay here in deep exhaustion.” At another time she remarked, “I have often sinned, and erred much, but I have One in heaven that pleadeth for me.”
She hailed with much joy the arrival of a beloved friend, and spoke of the event as filling up the only remaining desire she had on earth; their meeting was a season of mutual love and thanksgiving to the Lord. On Second day, the 24th, she said, “I am so loosed from every thing below, as I could not have believed;” and in the evening expressed that she was so filled with thankfulness her heart was overflowing! She intimated her belief, when her room was made ready for the night, that it would be the last she should have to pass, and the next morning it became evident that she was rapidly sinking. It was said to her that it was a long and trying travel, but she was near to a better land! when she quickly responded, “Yes, Emanuel’s land:” and on its being remarked, “The crown is nearly won;” she emphatically replied, “Oh, I wish it were on!” A short time after this, her redeemed spirit was
gently liberated from the shackles of mortality, to be, we humbly believe, “for ever with the Lord.”
Fanny Martin Waller, Guildford. Daughter of the late Thomas Waller. 30 12mo. 14 1849