5th Month, 6th, 1822. “Days and nights of much spiritual conflict, or rather perhaps the sight that there was much to conflict with; weak in body and weak in mind! In my ministry more patient and deep deliberation wanting. Last night, believed I had not kept close enough to my Guide in prayer, with which I felt some distress,—perhaps not altogether wrong,—but had not stopped when I ought, nor waited at every moment for clearness and strength in the exercise; I hope I shall not hurt others.”
6th Month, 1822. “A month is now passed in which I have been sweetly enabled to enjoy the love of God in my heart. I trust we shall experience preservation, though we may well fear for ourselves, and be the subject of fear for others. Oh! that, without affectation, we may live deeply in the root of life!”
4th Month, 1823. “I have much to bind me to this earth, but perhaps more power of gratefully enjoying its blessings is wanted, and may be in store for me before I leave it; some minds
seem deeply anchored in the truth, meekly and patiently bearing the trials of the day, with firmer faith and greater purity, but each heart alone knows its own bitterness, and I believe there is never much attainment without much suffering;—a chastened habit of thought, how desirable to be the habit of early life! riches and indulgences how inimical to it!”
4th Month, 1825. “My mind enjoyed a liberty, and something of the light of the glorious gospel, a state which I often pant after, and am so generally a stranger to; in each day a religious engagement seemed peculiarly blessed to myself. A sense of being liked and loved, is gratifying; at the same time I acknowledge, it has its dangers; it is, however, a stimulus to do good and to communicate.”
4th Month, 25th. “A poor body, and a weak restless mind! How the sword does wear the scabbard! but this world is not to be our paradise; perhaps I lose some little strength in striving to make it so. Oh! my God, have pity upon me; thou alone canst know how much I suffer;—if my children ail anything, what it costs me.”
In 1826, she visited the families of Friends in
Darlington Monthly Meeting, in company with Isaac Stephenson; and in allusion to this engagement, she writes: “Entered last week on a visit, with I. Stephenson, to the families of this Monthly Meeting. Ministry is surely a gift! may the vessel be purified by using it in faith.”
3rd Month, 1826. “After many cogitations and some provings of faith, I went with Isaac Stephenson to Manchester, Lancaster, and Leeds: I felt it like leaving all to follow what I believed to be my divine Guide; it cost me some heart-sinkings and tears, but my mind was sweetly preserved in peace and confidence; and, though I had times of depression and fear to pass through, I have been thankful that I made the sacrifice. It has endeared me to many individuals; and at times, in the undoubted belief that it was a divine requiring, it has strengthened my faith, and excited some degree of thankfulness for being so employed.”
4th Month, 16th. “A sweet day of rest and peace, such as I do not remember to have known for years.”