The caliph, continued the barber, did not laugh so much at this story as at the other: he was pleased to bewail the unfortunate Alcouz, and ordered something to be given me. But, without giving his servants time to obey his orders, I continued my discourse, and said to him, My sovereign lord and master, you see that I do not speak much; and since your majesty has been pleased to do me the favour to listen to me so far, I beg you would likewise hear the adventures of my two other brothers; I hope they will be as diverting as those of the former. You may make a complete history of them, which will not be unworthy of your library. I do myself the honour, then, to acquaint you that my fifth brother was called Alnaschar.
THE STORY OF THE BARBER'S FIFTH BROTHER.
Alnaschar, as long as our father lived, was very lazy; instead of working for his living, he used to go a begging in the evening, and to live upon what he got the next day. Our father died in a very old age, and left among us seven hundred drams of silver, which we equally divided; so that each of us had one hundred to his share. Alnaschar, who never had so much money before in his possession, was very much perplexed to know what he should do with it; he consulted a long time with himself, and at last resolved to lay it out in glasses, bottles, and other glass-work, which he bought of a great merchant, He put them all in an open basket, and chose a very little shop, where he sat with the basket before him, and his back against the wall, expecting that somebody would come and buy his ware. In this posture he sat with his eyes fixed on his basket; and beginning to rave, spoke the following words loud enough to be heard by a neighbour tailor: This basket, said he, cost me one hundred drams, which are all I have in the world; I shall make two hundred of it by retailing my glass; and of these two hundred drams, which I will again lay out in glass, I shall make four hundred; and, going on thus, I shall make at last make four thousand drams; of four thousand I shall easily make eight thousand; and when I come to ten thousand, I will leave off selling glass, turn jeweller and trade in diamonds, pearls, and all sorts of precious stones. Then, when I am as rich as I can wish, I will buy a fine house, a great estate, slaves, eunuchs, and horses: I will keep a good house, make a great figure in the world, and will send for all the musicians and dancers of both sexes in town. Nor will I stop here; I will, by the favour of Heaven, go on till I get a hundred thousand drams; and when I have got so much, I will think myself as great as a prince, send to demand the grand vizier's daughter in marriage, and represent to that minister that I have heard very much of the wonderful beauty, modesty, wit, and all the other qualities of his daughter; in a word, that I will give him one thousand pieces of gold the first night we are married; and if the vizier be so uncivil as to refuse his daughter, which cannot be, I will go and take her before his face, and carry her to my house, whether he will or no. As soon as I have married the grand vizier's daughter, I will buy her ten young black eunuchs, the handsomest that can be had; I will clothe myself like a prince, and ride upon a fine horse, with a saddle of rich gold, and housings of cloth, of gold, elegantly embroidered with diamonds and pearls. I will march through the city, attended both before and behind; and I will go to the vizier's palace, in the view of all sorts of people, who will show me profound reverence. When I alight at the foot of the vizier's stair-case, I will ascend it in the presence of all my people, ranged in files on the right and left; and the grand vizier, receiving me as his son-in-law, shall give me his right hand, and set me above him, to do me the more honour. If this comes to pass, as I hope it will, two of my people shall have each of them a purse of a thousand pieces of gold, which they shall carry with them. I will take one, and presenting it to the grand vizier, will tell him, There are the thousand pieces that I promised the first night of marriage; and I will offer him the other, and say to him, there are as many more, to show you that I am a man of my word, and that I am better than my promise. After such an action as this, all the world will speak of my generosity, and I will return to my own house in the same pomp. My wife shall send to compliment me by some officer, on account of the visit I made to her father: I will honour the officer with a fine robe, and send him back with a rich present. If she thinks to send me one, I will not accept of it, but dismiss the bearer. I will not suffer her to go out of her apartment, on any account whatever, without giving me notice; and when I have a mind to go to her apartment, it shall be in such a manner as to make her respect me. In short, no house shall be better ordered than mine. I shall be always richly clad. When I retire with my wife in the evening, I will sit on the upper hand; I will assume a grave air, without turning my head to the one side or to the other; I will speak little; and whilst my wife, as beautiful as the full moon, stands before me in all her ornaments, will feign as if I did not notice her. The women about her will say to me, Our dear lord and master, here is your spouse, your humble servant, before you; she expects you will caress her, and is very much mortified that you do not so much as vouchsafe to look upon her: she is wearied with standing so long; bid her at least sit down. I will give no answer to this discourse, which will increase their surprise and grief; they will lay themselves at my feet; and, after they have done so a considerable time, begging me to relent, I will at last lift up my head, and give her a careless look. Afterwards I will return to my former posture; and then will they think that my wife is not well enough, nor handsome enough dressed, and will take her to her closet to change her apparel. At the same time I will get up and put on a more magnificent suit than before: they will return and hold the discourse with me as before; and I shall have the pleasure not so much as to look upon my wife, till they have prayed and entreated as long as they did at first. Thus I will begin, on the first day of marriage, to teach her what she is to expect during the rest of her life.
After the ceremonies of the marriage are over, said Alnaschar, I will take from one of my servants, who shall be about me, a purse of five hundred pieces of gold, which I will give to the tire-women, that they may leave me alone with my spouse. "When they are retired, my wife shall go to bed first, and then I will lie down beside her, with my back towards her, and will not speak even one word to her the whole night. The next morning she will certainly complain of my contempt of her, and of my pride, to her mother, the grand vizier's wife, which will rejoice me extremely. Her mother will then wait upon me, respectfully kiss my hands, and say to me, Sir, (for she will not dare to call me her son-in-law, for fear of provoking me by such familiarity), I pray you not to disdain my daughter, by refusing to approach her: I assure you that her chief study is to please you; and that she loves you with all her heart. But my mother-in-law might as well hold her peace; I will not make her the least answer, but keep my gravity. Then she will prostrate herself at my feet, kiss them, and say to me, Sir, is it possible that you can suspect my daughter's chastity? I assure you that I never let her go out of my sight. You are the first man that ever saw her face; do not, then, mortify her so much. Do her the favour to look upon her, to speak to her, and confirm her in her good intentions to satisfy you in every thing. But nothing of this shall prevail; upon which my mother-in-law will take a glass of wine, and, putting it into the hand of her daughter, will say, Go, present him with this glass of wine yourself; perhaps he will not be so cruel as to refuse it from so fair a hand. My wife will come with the glass, and stand trembling before me; and when she finds that I do not look towards her, and that I continue my disdain, she will say to me, with tears in her eyes, My heart! my dear soul! my amiable lord! I conjure you, by the favours which Heaven bestows upon you, to receive this glass of wine from the hand of your most humble servant! But I will not look upon her still, nor answer her. My charming spouse! she will then say, redoubling her tears, and putting the glass to my mouth, I will never leave off till I prevail with you to drink! Then, being fatigued with her entreaties, I will dart a terrible look at her, give her a good box on the cheek, and such a kick with my foot, as will throw her quite off the alcove.
My brother was so full of these chimerical visions, that he acted with his foot as if she had been really before him; and unfortunately gave such a push against the basket and glasses, that they were thrown down in the street, and broken in a thousand pieces.
A tailor, who was his neighbour, and who had heard his extravagant discourse, fell into a fit of laughter when he saw the basket fall. O what an unworthy fellow art thou! said he to my brother; ought you not to be ashamed to abuse thus a young spouse, who gave you no cause to complain? You must be a very brutish fellow to despise the tears and charms of such a beautiful lady! Were I the vizier your father-in-law, I would order you a hundred lashes with a bull's pizzle, and send you through the town with your character written on your forehead. My brother, on this fatal accident, came to himself; and perceiving that he had brought this misfortune upon himself by his unsupportable pride, beat his face, tore his clothes, and cried so loud, that the neighbours came about him; and the people who were going to their noon-prayers stopped to know what was the matter. It being on a Friday, a greater number of people was going to prayers than usual; some of them took pity on Alnaschar, while others only laughed at his extravagance. In the mean time, his vanity being dispersed, as well as his glasses, he bitterly lamented his loss; and a lady of distinction passing by on a mule with rich caparisons, my brother's condition excited her compassion; she asked who he was, and what was the matter with him; they told her that he was a poor man, who had laid out a little money in buying a basket of glasses, and that the basket falling, all his glasses were broken. The lady immediately turned to an eunuch who attended her, and said to him, Give the poor man what money you have about you. The eunuch obeying, put into my brother's hand five hundred pieces of gold. Alnaschar was transported with excess of joy on receiving them; he bestowed a thousand blessings upon the lady, and shutting up his shop, where he had no longer occasion to sit, he returned to his house.
Whilst he was seriously reflecting upon his good fortune, he heard a knocking at the door; but, before he opened it, he thought it prudent first to inquire who it was; when knowing it to be a woman by her voice, he instantly admitted her. My son, said she, I have a favour to beg of you: the hour of prayer is come; be pleased, therefore, to let me wash myself, that I may be fit to say my prayers. My brother looked at her, and saw that she was a woman far advanced in years: though he knew her not, he granted what she required, and then sat down again, being still full of his new adventure. He put his gold into a long strait purse, proper to carry at his girdle. The old woman, in the mean time, said her prayers, and, when she had done, came to my brother, and bowed twice to the ground, so low that she almost touched it with her forehead; then raising herself up, she wished my brother all manner of happiness, and thanked him for his civility. Being meanly clad, and very humble to him, he thought she asked alms, upon which he offered her two pieces of gold. The old woman stepped back in a sort of surprise, as if my brother had done her an injury. Heavens! said she, what is the meaning of this? Is it possible, sir, said she, that you take me for an impudent beggar? Did you think I came so boldly into your house to ask alms? Take back your money; I have no need of it, thanks to Heaven! I belong to a young lady of this city, who is a charming beauty, and very rich; she does not let me want for any thing.
My brother was not cunning enough to perceive the craft of the old woman, who only refused the two pieces of gold that she might catch more. He asked her if she could not procure him the honour of seeing her lady. With all my heart, replied she, she will be very well satisfied to marry, and to put you in possession of her estate, by making you master of her person. Take up your money, and follow me. My brother being ravished with his good luck of finding so great a sum of money, and almost at the same time a beautiful and rich wife, his eyes were shut to all other considerations; so that he took his five hundred pieces of gold, and followed the old woman. She walked before him, and he followed at a distance, to the gate of a great house, where she knocked. He came up to her just as a young Greek slave opened the gate. The old woman made him enter first, went across a court very well paved, and introduced him into a hall, the furniture of which confirmed him in the good opinion he had conceived of the mistress of the house. While the old woman went to acquaint the lady, he sat down, and, the weather being hot, pulled off his turban, and laid it by him. He speedily saw the young lady come in, whose beauty and rich apparel perfectly surprised him. He got up as soon as he saw her. The lady, with a smiling countenance, prayed him to sit down again, and placed herself by him. She told him she was very glad to see him; and, after having spoken some engaging words, said, We do not sit here at our conveniency. Come, give me your hand. At these words, she presented her's, and carried him into an inner chamber, where she entertained him for some time; then she left him, bidding him stay, and she would be with him in a moment. He expected her; but, instead of the lady, came in a great black slave, with a scimitar in his hand; and looking upon my brother with a terrible aspect, said to him fiercely, What have you to do here? Alnaschar was so full of fear at the sight of the slave, that he had no power to answer. The black stripped him, carried off his gold, and gave him several cuts with his scimitar. My unhappy brother fell to the ground, where he lay without motion, though he had still the use of his senses. The black, thinking him to be dead, asked for salt; the Greek slave brought him a basin full; they rubbed my brother's wounds with it; who had so much command of himself, notwithstanding the intolerable pain it put him to, that he lay still without showing any sign of life. The black and the Greek slave having retired, the old woman who drew my brother into the snare, came and dragged him by the feet to a trap-door, which she opened, and threw him into a place under ground, among the corpses of several other people who had been murdered. He perceived this as soon as he came to himself; for the violence of his fall had taken away his senses. The salt rubbed into his wounds preserved his life, and he recovered strength by degrees, so as to be able to walk. After two days he opened the trap-door during the night; and, finding a proper place in the court to hide himself, continued there till break of day, when he saw the cursed old woman open the gate, and go out to seek another prey. He staid in the place some time after she went out, that she might not see him, and then came to me for shelter, when he told me of his adventures.
In a month he was perfectly cured of his wounds by medicines that I gave him, and resolved to avenge himself of the old woman who had put upon him such a barbarous cheat. To this end, he took a bag, large enough to contain five hundred pieces of gold, and filled it with pieces of glass.
My brother, continued the barber, one morning fastened the bag of glass about him, disguised himself like an old woman, and took a scimitar under his gown. He met the old woman walking through the town to seek her prey: he went up to her, and, counterfeiting a woman's voice, said, Cannot you lend me a pair of scales? I am a woman newly come from Persia, have brought five hundred pieces of gold with me, and would know if they will hold out according to your weights. Good woman, answered the old hag, you could not have applied to a more proper person. Follow me; I will bring you to my son, who changes money, and will weigh them himself, to save you the trouble. Let us make haste, for fear he be gone to his shop. My brother followed her to the house where she carried him the first time, and the Greek slave opened the door.