The lady, who knew the caliph saw all that passed, was overjoyed to show how capable she was of diverting him, and went with a grave countenance, and putting his finger between her teeth, she bit so hard that he cried out; and, snatching his hand quickly back again, said, I find I am awake, and not asleep. But by what miracle am I become caliph in a night’s time? This is certainly the most strange and surprising thing in the world! Then addressing himself to the same lady, he said, I conjure you, for Heaven’s sake, not to hide the truth from me; am I really the commander of the faithful? It is so true, answered the lady, that we, who are your slaves, are amazed to find that you will not believe yourself to be so. Ah! you are a deceiver, replied Abon Hassan; I know very well who I am.
As the chief of the eunuchs perceived that Abon Hassan had a mind to rise, he lent him his hand, and helped him to get out of bed. No sooner were his feet set on the floor, than the chamber rang again with repeated acclamations of the officers and ladies, who cried out, God preserve your majesty, and give you a good day. O Heaven! cried Abon Hassan, what a strange thing is this! Last night I was Abon Hassan, and this morning I am the commander of the believers! I cannot comprehend this sudden and surprising change. Presently some of the officers began to dress him; and when they had done, Mesrour led him through all the eunuchs and ladies, who were ranged on both sides quite to the council-chamber door, which was opened by one of the huissirs. Mesrour walked before him to the foot of the throne, where he stopped, and putting one hand under one arm, while another officer did the same by the other, they helped him to ascend the throne.
The caliph, in the mean time, came out of the closet where he was hid, and went into another which looked into the council-hall, from whence he could hear all that passed, and see Abon Hassan, who filled his throne with all the gravity imaginable.
As soon as Abon Hassan had seated himself, the grand vizier Giafar prostrated himself at the foot of the throne, and addressing himself to him, said, God shower down blessings on your majesty in this life, receive you into his paradise in the other world, and confound your enemies!
Abon Hassan, after all that had happened that morning, and these words of the grand vizier, never doubted but he was caliph, as he wished to be; and so, without examining any farther, how, or by what adventure or sudden change of fortune, he immediately began to exercise his power, and looking very gravely upon the vizier, asked him what he had to say. Commander of the Faithful, replied the grand vizier, the emirs, viziers, and other officers who are of your majesty’s council, wait at the door, until your majesty give them leave to come in, and pay their usual respects to you. Abon Hassan presently bade that the door be opened, and the grand vizier gave the sign to the huissir that waited for it.
When the door was opened, the viziers, emirs, and principal officers of the court, all dressed magnificently in their habits of ceremony, went in their order to the foot of the throne, and paid their respects to Abon Hassan; and bowing their heads down to the carpet, kneeling on one knee, saluted him with the title of Commander of the Faithful, according to the instruction of the grand vizier, and afterwards took their seats.
When this ceremony was over, the grand vizier, standing before the throne, began with papers in his hand to make his report of affairs, which at that time were of very little consequence. Nevertheless, Abon Hassan acquitted himself in his great post without the least embarrassment; and gave judgment so well in all matters, that the caliph could not help wondering at his address. But before the grand vizier had finished his report, Abon Hassan called the judge of the police, whom he knew by sight, as he sat in his place: Hold, said he to the grand vizier, I have something to order the judge of the police. The judge of the police perceiving that Abon Hassan looked at him, and hearing his name mentioned, arose from his seat, and went gravely to the foot of the throne, where he prostrated himself with his face to the ground. Judge of the police, said Abon Hassan, go immediately to such a division, and seize the iman of the mosque, and four old men, (whom he described,) and give each of the old men a hundred bastinadoes with a bull’s pizzle, and the iman four hundred: after that, mount them all five on camels, with their faces to the tails; and lead them through the whole city, with a crier before them, who shall proclaim, This is the punishment of all those who trouble their heads with other people’s affairs, and make it their business to create disturbances and misunderstandings in families in their neighbourhood. My intention is also, that you enjoin them to leave that division, and never to set a foot more in it; and while your lieutenant is conducting them through the town, return, and give me an account of the execution of my orders. The judge of the police laid his hand upon his head, to show his obedience, and, prostrating himself a second time, went away.
The caliph was extremely well pleased at this order; and perceived by Abon Hassan’s strictness and expedition, that he was resolved not to lose the opportunity of punishing the iman and the other four old hypocrites. In the mean time, the grand vizier went on with his report, and had just done when the judge of the police came back from executing his commission. He went to the throne with the usual ceremony, and said, Commander of the Faithful, I found the iman and his four companions; and for a proof that I have punctually obeyed your commands, I have brought an instrument signed by the principal inhabitants of that division: at the same time, he pulled out a paper, and presented it to the pretended caliph.
Abon Hassan took the paper, and reading over the names of the witnesses, who were all people that he knew very well, said to the judge of the police, It is very well; return to your seat. These old hypocrites, said he to himself, with a great deal of satisfaction in his looks, who must be censuring my actions, and finding fault with my entertaining honest people, deserved this punishment. The caliph all the time penetrated into his thoughts, and conceived a sensible joy in this expedition.
Then Abon Hassan, addressing himself afterwards to the grand vizier, said, Go to the high treasurer for a purse of a thousand pieces of gold, and carry it to the mother of Abon Hassan, who is known by the name of the Debauchee; she lives in the same division into which I sent the judge of the police: return immediately.