Which none but Knaves and Villains can applaud,
He is all Hypocrite, and what is worse!
The Scorn of Men, and God’s eternal Curse.
A Scotchman’s Tongue runs high Fullams, there is a Cheat in his Idiom; for the Sense ebbs from the bold Expression, like the Citizen’s Gallon in London, which the Drawer interprets but half a Pint. As they never speak as they think, their false Tongues may be compar’d to the Cards at Primiviste, in which Game 6 is 18, and 7 is 21. The poorer sort have a piece of Linnen peeping out at their Collars for show of a Shirt; but with long wearing it is so black and ragged, that it is going to the Paper-Mill as fast as it can. When the Beasts enter’d into the Ark by Pairs, I wonder how Noah coupl’d the Scots, for they are strange Creatures both by Sea and Land; and an Ass is scarce to be had in this Nation either for Love or Money, because they put ’em all into Commissions of the Peace. They retain one barbarous Custom still, and that is, if any two be displeas’d they expect no Law, but bang it out, one and his kindred against the other and his; being so implacable in their hatred, that on each side they use a Scale of Destruction, by striving to ruin the Father, beggar the Son, and strangle the Hopes of all Posterity: And this Fighting they call their Feider, a Word so barbarous, that was it to be express’d in Latin, it must be by Circumlocution.
Their ill Manners make them look more salvage than the Monsters put by Astrologers to the Humane Limbs in Anatomy; wherefore it is strange that Physicians do not apply a Scotchman to the Soles of the Feet in a desperate Fever, for he would draw far beyond Pidgeons; and it is thought some of our English Quacks, Empericks or Mountebanks will slice one to try the Experiment. The Scots were ever as great Friends to the King of France, as Don Quixot was to Sancho Pancho, who fought at all Adventures to purchase the other the Government of an Island which was none of his; and they think themselves as brave Fellows as the Spanish Knight Errant, when he fought a Windmill, to the great Danger of breaking the Necks of him and his Horse Rosinante, when it flung ’em both into a Pond. Their Godliness is of the same Parentage with good Laws, both extracted out of bad Manners; and their Teachers live upon the Sins of their Congregations, which verifies the Axiom, Iisdem nutritur ex quibus componitur. They dread to be civiliz’d; and they have a great Antipathy against Church Windows which are painted, when a Looking Glass would shew them more Superstition: In fine, a Scotchman is such a Hater of Images, that he hath defac’d God’s in his own Countenance.
