She was also firmly persuaded (in her deep humility) that she was unworthy and incapable of governing the rising Congregation. So persuaded was she of it, that she frequently asked the Sisters to accept her resignation, but as they justly attributed her request to an over-scrupulous conscience, they refused to acquiesce. She then reproached herself with infidelity to her vocation in seeking to be released from the burden of superiority, as she had often promised Almighty God that, come what would, she should never abandon His work. Sometimes pride whispered that she was quite useful in the position she occupied. At other times she felt convinced that others could discharge the duty better. Always disquieted, always agitated, she knew not what to do. In this state of desolation, she lost confidence in her directors, who she supposed, did not understand her. The only consolation she experienced was an absolute submission to the orders of Divine Providence, and a firm confidence that God would at last arrange all things well for His greater glory. And so things were arranged, indeed, but in such a manner that this spouse of the Crucified had to drink to the dregs the saving chalice of affliction, and taste in her inmost soul all its bitterness.
She had now labored for a quarter of a century in the exercise of all sorts of good works. Her body was lacerated by the rudest austerities. She was a martyr to mental anxiety, and had but one beacon-light during her long spiritual darkness, viz., the certainty that she loved God and was loved by Him. Nevertheless her chalice was not yet full. In 1689, on the night of November 3d, one of the Sisters remained up long after the others had retired to rest. Suddenly a Sister who had died about sixteen months before stood before her (as she affirmed), and said slowly and distinctly, "I am sent by God to warn the superior of this Congregation that she is in mortal sin," naming at the same time the person who was the cause of her guilt. The astonished listener related the apparition to Sister Bourgeois, who regarded it as the wanderings of a diseased imagination. But two months after, January 3d, 1690, the deceased again appearing to the same Sister, said, "The superior has not done what she ought to do; it is the last warning I can give her, for I am now going to Paradise," and so saying, disappeared. The visionary (for as such, only should she be regarded) went again to inform the Foundress of what had transpired, and at this second blow the poor superior succumbed, appearing to be indeed stricken by the anger of God. It seems strange that her strong mind could be deceived, even for a season. Perhaps her great age made her more susceptible to the influence of an asserted vision, than she would have been at an earlier period of life. To declare that she was at enmity with God, was to inflict a grievous wound on her heart, and this warning reduced her almost to a state of despair. She felt that she was a reproach among her Sisters. She dared not speak to them, and hardly raised her eyes before them. The Sacraments she regarded with extreme repugnance, believing that they had hitherto been useless to her, and that her receiving them now would be profanation. It happened, however, by the dispensation of God, that her director was a wise and skilful ascetic, who narrowly watched the operations of grace in her soul, and treated her accordingly, and as she blindly followed his directions during the time of trial, she daily sanctified herself more and more.
It was at this precise period that M. de St. Vallier came to Montreal for the first time, and the humble Sister frankly acquainted him with her state of mind and its consequences, asking him very earnestly to appoint another Sister in her place, in order that things might work well and confidence be restored. However, the Bishop did not consent to her resignation then, hoping that her pain of mind would soon disappear. But on his return to Montreal, in 1693, he found matters still in the same state, and consented to a first election in the Congregation, presiding on the occasion himself. Sister Marie Barbier of the Assumption was elected superior, to the satisfaction of the whole community, and above all of Sister Bourgeois herself, who, being at last relieved of the responsibilities of superior, hoped soon to regain her long-lost peace of mind, and so it happened. For in January of the next year, 1694, being just four years from the time she was first warned of her eternal damnation, she felt a distinct conviction in her soul that she was fully reconciled with God. And all her pain of mind disappeared. This interior light, however, only determined her to labor still more earnestly for the glory of God and the maintenance of regular observances. She was a member of the council of the new superior, but the honor of the position caused her much disquiet, as she never ceased to assert that it was on account of her sins the former austerities of the house had partly fallen into disuse. The change of superiors had not in the least diminished the esteem of the Sisters for her, who had been so long their faithful mother in God, and they omitted no opportunity of testifying their esteem, which affectionate attention was doubtless agreeable to her kind heart. In order to tranquilize her mind, and on account of her great age, they judged it expedient to dispense her from attending at the public exercises of the community, leaving the infirmary entirely at her disposal, where she might occupy herself with some light work, as much for recreation as employment. She obeyed without reply, and it may not be uninteresting to hear what she thought of her exile, as she called it. The Memoir says:
"Although charged, conjointly with my Sisters, to watch over the welfare of the house, I knew nothing of what passed in it. For four years I occupied myself with a little sewing, remaining all the time in the infirmary. I slept there, took my meals there, on account of my great age, they said, and that I might be a companion for Sister Crolo, who could no longer go to the refectory. I held no conversation with the Sisters, very rarely went to our chapel, as we of the infirmary could easily hear Mass from our apartment, it being so constructed as to open directly fronting the altar. Yet my former disquiet returned, and I knew not what to determine on, because I could not divest myself of the idea that God required greater perfection from the community than I saw practised in it. It is true they tried to console me by asserting that all was well, and that I might set my mind at rest. I answered them nothing, but I could not conceal from myself that relaxation existed, and that I was the cause of it. I suffered more in this perplexity of mind than I can ever explain." She sighed sadly during her stay in the infirmary, until it pleased God to let peace again dawn upon her soul, by imparting to her a spirit of sensible and tender devotion, and by permitting her to return to the ordinary way in living in her institute during the few remaining years of her life. On the night of July 5th, 1697, as she was meditating on the means of repairing the faults of which she believed herself guilty, a thought, as distinct as a voice, told her she was the Jonas of the Congregation, and that like him, she deserved to be cast into the sea. To this interior voice she could only reply that she was willing to do all in her power to contribute to the glory of God, and do his will. Then the strange inspiration ceased, but on the following night it returned more strongly and vividly than at first, making her understand, like Samuel in the temple, that God had spoken; that it was time to renounce the ideal perfection which tormented her, and that a blind obedience to her directors was her only remedy. She therefore opened her heart to the confessor of the community, M. de Valens, and also to M. Caillen, pastor of Ville-Marie, who decided on sending her to her superior, there to disclose all the anxious thoughts that agitated her soul, and speak of whatever she conceived to be for the welfare of the Congregation. The docile Sister did as directed, and in order to give her useful and practical occupation, the superior told her to write what the Holy Spirit would inspire for the guidance of the institute she had so happily founded. These precious manuscripts are replete with lessons of divine wisdom, and it is from their pages her children still select the beautiful instructions and maxims that keep her spirit alive among them. Her heart being thus freed from its silent agony, she found herself at last completely delivered from the torture she had so long endured, her only desire, for the three remaining years of her life being to exhibit a model of the social and community virtues she had taught to others for more than 50 years. Nor was it only at this late period of her life she had resolved to resign the office of superior, for in 1680, before making her third voyage to France to procure rules for her institute, she had earnestly and tearfully asked the Sisters to elect another in her place, alleging her unfitness and unworthiness. What must have been her astonishment, to hear all exclaim as with one voice and without a moment's hesitation, that they had chosen the Mother of God for their superior, and Foundress; that they should ever regard her as their first Mother in time and in eternity, but begged Sister Bourgeois to continue her government under the protection of their common Mother, to whose love and service she and they were alike pledged. In consequence of this unanimous choice, the holy Foundress, prostrating herself with the whole community before the statue of the Blessed Virgin, addressed to her impromptu, the following prayer:—
"O holy Virgin, behold this little band of your servants, who have consecrated themselves to the service of God under your protection, who wish to follow your example, as good children follow their earthly mother's, and who regard you as their cherished Foundress, and first Superior. We hope that the good God agrees with our election, and gives you the absolute government of this Congregation, which is your work. We have nothing to present to God, but we hope through your means, to obtain all the graces necessary for our salvation and the perfection of our state, You know best what is necessary for us, and what we now ask is, that you will never refuse us your assistance. Help us by your all powerful intercession to receive the light of the Holy Spirit, that we may be enabled to labor efficaciously for the education and religious instruction of our pupils, according to our profession. But above all things we ask, dear Lady and Mother, that our successors and those who contribute to their spiritual advancement, may be of the number of the elect, so that in your glorious society we may all praise our good God during a happy eternity." It was therefore the Blessed Virgin who was elected first Superior of the Congregation. What a grand motive of Faith this afforded to the succeeding superiors, who, believing that they held the place of Mary herself, were all the more strictly bound to advance the spiritual perfection of their subjects, especially in the practice of holy obedience. It was only on this condition that Sister Bourgeois consented to the desire of her daughters, that she should continue to govern them as assistant, their and her principal superior being the queen of Heaven. However, when she returned from France in 1684, as before stated, she again solicited the Sisters to elect a new superior, and so eager was her desire that the Community held one chapter for the purpose, in which nothing was decided, the suffrages being equally divided between two candidates, who were each remarkable for the most sublime virtue. That same night, while the matter was still pending, the fire broke out, and both Sisters perished in the flames. Seven years later, the Foundress brought up the matter again, as there was an excellent subject on the mission at Quebec, who was well calculated to discharge the duties of Superior. This was Sister Anne Verand, one of the first members, and the same who had ten years before commenced the mission of "The Holy Family" with Sister Assumption. All eyes were turned upon her as the new superior, but as she was then ill at Quebec, the community directed her to return home, hoping that her health would soon be re-established, and that she would then fill the position intended for her. She returned promptly, although in a dying condition, and went to receive the reward of her obedience and pious labors a few days after. By her unexpected death, all her plans were a second time upset. If these occurrences may not be reckoned among the marvellous or supernatural, they are at least very singular. For the next two years, the Sisters carefully abstained from commenting on these strange events before Sister Bourgeois, but she had no idea of desisting from her importunities, and in September, 1693, again assembled the community on the all-important subject of an election. Having previously obtained the consent of M. de St. Vallier, she publicly resigned her office in the manner required by the constitutions, although they were not yet canonically approved, and read with a strong clear voice, the following written declaration:
"There is no longer any doubt that I am a great sinner, who has not been faithful to the sacred duty so lovingly confided to me. I deserve the pain of mind I suffer, because my criminal relaxations have extended even to you. I humbly ask your pardon, and beg the succor of your prayers. Remedy this state of things now, as much as may be, by changing the superior, and let her, whoever she may be, see that even the least rules are carefully observed, otherwise the members of the community will be no better than seculars leading Christian lives. Renew, then, in yourselves the spirit that you ought to have, that is, poverty, humility, obedience, and an entire abandonment of yourselves into the hands of God." It has been related already that Sister Assumption was elected superior in her stead. So it will not be necessary to revert again to the fact. It was by direction of this superior the Foundress wrote the beautiful instructions and maxims that have always been regarded as the richest inheritance of her spiritual children. Yet some of her instructions were not suited to every grade of intellect, the perfection they inculcated being so sublime that a few were frightened, and as timid and indiscreet souls are to be found everywhere, there was one in the young Congregation, who dared to say to Sister Bourgeois, that it was useless for her to try to establish such extraordinary perfection among the the Sisters as was suited to herself alone, and that being no longer superior, she was not answerable before God for the pretended relaxations of which she complained. This remark was stinging, and to the point.
Yet the holy Foundress was not at all offended by it. It was for her a message sent from heaven, and she received it with unfeigned humility, determining to write nothing in future that could displease the lowliest of the Sisters. We quote from her manuscript on the occasion:
"The members of our Congregation should live in the most perfect union, in imitation of the early Christians, under the direction of the Blessed Virgin. We should have but one heart and one soul in God, as without this concord we would not be truly a community. The Holy Spirit that animates us is a spirit of simplicity, poverty, disengagement from all things, and the most entire abandonment to God."