And now she wheedles him with so much pretended Love, that she can have what she will of him: and finding he was flush of Money and had a good Estate, she won't be satisfied without her Countrey-House, which was provided for her accordingly, facing the River-side at Hamersmith; and adorn'd with rich Furniture. And when her Paramour cou'd not come to her, by reason of Business, she then sent to the Bawd, who provided her a Stallion to supply his place, which she paid for doing her Drudgery, with his Money. And yet when he came to see her, she wou'd wipe her mouth as if nothing had been the matter, and cry, why does my Sweeting stay so long away? You don't care for me now! I sigh night after night, and day after day, for want of your Company, but you've a Wife that you love better than you do me; and indeed I told you so at first, and then you told me you'd love me best, and I was so simple as to believe you: But if you had lov'd me best, you wou'd'nt have staid away from me so long, that you wou'd'nt; I am sure if I could have come to you, I woud'nt have staid from you so long. And then she falls a weeping; which so much moves the amorous Cocks-comb, that he falls a kissing her, and giving her all the good Words that can be; cursing his Wife, and calling her all to nought; and telling his Miss that he loves none but her. Having thus brought him to her Bow, she kisses him again, and then says, Well, Honey, if you do love me indeed, I'll be Friends with you, but let me see what you have brought me? Then if he have brought her store of Yellow Boys, she's very well pleas'd with him; but if his Money happen to be short, then she'll be out of humour; 'Tis a sign how you love me, indeed, to stay away so long and then bring me nothing! Here's all the Ladies round about can have new things, but I; and you don't care how I go! Then to put her in a good humour, be promises her a new Satin Gown; but this won't serve her turn neither, she wants jewels and Diamond Rings to answer her other Apparel: And to procure these, he's fain to run on the Score both with the Mercer and Goldsmith—By this means in a little time his Estate comes to be wasted, and his Friends come about him, and advise him to leave off these wicked Courses, which else will end in the Ruine both of Soul and Body: They tell him that he has a fair and vertous Wife of his own, by whom he has had several pretty Children, and therefore wonder how he can be so besotted with a filthy Whore. But when all this prevail'd not, his Wife seeing a wicked Strumpet without cause prefer'd before her, taking a fit opportunity, acquainted her Husband with her grief, and his own dangerous Estate, in this manner:
My dear Husband!
Had I ever given you any just occasion to withdraw your affections from me, you might have had a fairer Plea before Men, for doing what you do; tho' even that wou'd have been no Excuse at the Tribunal of God, whom you principally offend by your present wicked Life. But your own Conscience will tell you, if you dare ask it the Question, that it has been the Business of my whole Life, since I have been married to you, to carry my self towards you as a loving and a vertuous Wife ought to do to her Husband; and have done all that lay in my Power to contribute to your Satisfaction. I have never made your House uneasie to you, by any unbecoming Words or Carriage; nor what occasion so ever you have given me, have I been either Clamorous, or a Brawler. 'Tis true my Heart is almost broke with Grief; and who can blame me? When I see your affection so Estranged from me, your Estate wasted, and my self and Children ready to go a Begging, whilst an impudent Quean is at your Cost maintain'd in her Silks and Sattins; and which is worse than all the rest, your own Soul, in danger of Eternal Ruine. And if this Affects you not, remember your own Reputation in the World: You have lived in Credit and Repute among your Neighbours: and will you Sacrifice that, and Entail Shame and Dishonour upon your Self and Family, for gratifying the Lusts of a filthy and Lascivious Strumpet? If you go on in this Course, you must Morgage your Lands to pay your Debts; and what a shame will that be? Your Father left you an Estate, but you are like to leave an Heir that will have nothing to inherit; and so will be an Heir only in Name. Think, O my Husband, what a Reflection it will be upon you, when Men shall say, Your Father left you an Estate to live upon, but you have spent it upon Whores, and left your Children Beggars. This was your Fathers House, but you have sold it to maintain your Miss. Consider the Reproach that this will bring upon your Children: You brought 'em up like Gentlemen, and then betray'd 'em to Want and Beggery. Have you forgot the Vow you made when we were Married? You promis'd then to take none but my self: Yet now you let a Harlot take away your Love from me, that am your faithful and your loving Wife; and might have been by you Esteem'd so still, if this Lewd Woman had not made strife between us: You promis'd at your Marriage that none but Death should seperate us. And as my self has never broke that promise, so you have never had from me any occasion given you to do it: And I am ready still to embrace you in my Arms, with all the tenderest Affections of a loving Wife. O let me beg of you, that you wou'd hearken to my sorrowful Complaint, pity my Tears, and suffer not your Family to perish, but bear a Fathers Heart towards these, that are the Children of your Body. Or if you'll pity neither me nor your poor Children, pity your self: for you will suffer most in the Conclusion: You cannot think that you please God in living as you do: Can you take Comfort (think you) in remembering that you have ruin'd both your self and Family, by keeping of a Whore, when you shall lie upon your Dying Bed, and your poor Soul is just taking of its flight into Eternity? How will that Sentence terifie your Conscience, Whoremongers and Adulterers God will judge? Then you will wish (but wishing then, my Dear, will be in vain) that you had never given ear to that Enchanting Syren, that for a few false Joys and momentary Pleasures, betray'd your Soul to Everlasting Misery. But if you will be Deaf to my complaints, and not regard the Ruine of your Children, nor pity your own Soul: Tho I am sure my Grief will bring me to my Grave. I shall be Satisfied in this, that I have done what ever lay within my Power to save you from the Ruin and Destruction to which I see you hastening. And when she had said this, she seconded her Words with Tears, and fell a weeping till she cou'd weep no more.
Yet all this would not molifie her unrelenting Husband, nor work any change upon him; for he regarded neither what she said, nor the sorrowful moans and complaints of her almost Famished Infants: For all she gets for her affectionate Counsel and Advice, is to be sometimes rail'd at, and at other times jeer'd and flouted.
Soon after he goes to his Drab again, and to her he repeats what his Wife had said to him: which so far had rais'd her Choler, that she gives it vent in such Language as this:
What has she fed upon nothing but Crabbs of late, that she is grown so sowr! She now begins to prate it seems! 'Tis time to bring her down: A stinking dirty Slut, to rail at me! And you to stand by, like a Fool, and let her! I am afraid she's too full fed; that makes her be so malapert; but had but I the ordering of her, I vow to gad I'd quickly make her pinch for't. She shou'd be glad to get a piece of Bread: And that it self's too good for her, I wonder how she had the Impudence to prate to you: But she knows well enough she has a Tender-hearted Fool to deal withal; she must advise ye! Marry gap indeed! Tis more then time she did! I see she wants to be the Head! Or else she'd never Tutor you about your heir! 'Tis very fine advice methinks she gives you! She'd have you want your self to hoard for him! But sure you will be more Wise. E'en put him to a Trade; and let him Work. He is big enough, and then pack out the rest. I'd make the Jade fret in her grease for something: Pray how comes she to know what passes between you and I? She has Money enough it seems to hire her private Spies to find our meeting out: She serves you right enough: Well, be a Fool, and let her rail on still; And shew thy self a poor kind-hearted Ass! I'll warrant ye, you fell upon your knees, and begg'd her Pardon, because you kept my Company; and Promis'd that you'd never do so no more! This 'tis to have to do with one that has a Wife! I told you first of all what I shou'd find: An ugly Jade, to call me filthy Strumpet! Had I been by, I'd soon have made her smart for't! Any but such a Hen-peck'd Fool as you, that had but heard her say so, wou'd straight have given her such a dash o'th' Chops as shou'd have beat her Teeth into her Throat, and quickly spoil'd her Prating. But I am plagu'd with one that dares not speak a Word to vindicate me. If you are a weary of me, tell me so; for I can quickly mend me self, if you'll but say the Word: And if you will prefer your wrinkled Wife before my Youth and Beauty, with all my heart, for I'm resolv'd I'll never lead this Life! To be abus'd by an old Withered Hag! I have no patience when I think of it: A dirty homely Joan! For my part, I admire how thou coud'st love her: She frets, I'll warrant you, because she lies alone: But who that is not Mad, wou'd lie with such a sapless piece of wither'd Flesh as she, when he may lie by such a one as I, that's sweet, and fresh, plump, brisk and airy, and that's full of Juice, just in the Bloom of all my Youth and Beauty. But if to this thou still prefer'st thy Dowd; take her for me, and much-good-do-thee with her.
By this Discourse, this Impudent and filthy Trull, quite sham'd him out of any thoughts of Vertue; and therefore that he might the better please her, he replies,
My dear, Thou canst not sure think me so mad as to regard her foolish Idle prate, or to leave thee for twenty such as she is. No, never think I have so little Wit, I gave her such a Reprimand as soon as she had spoke, that cool'd her Courage in an instant: for I let her know her Tittle-Tattle would be all in vain; and that I was resolv'd I would be absolute. Shall I be ty'd by such a one as she? No, Love, I scorn it. And for her Tongue, let me alone to tame it: Winter is coming on and then I'll make her keep her breath to warm her hands; for she shall have from me no other firing. Let her rail on, and see what she can get by't; whilst thee and I delight our selves in Pleasures; I'll be no Slave to that which I possess: Come, thou art mine, and shalt have what thou wilt; my Love to thee is more then to my Heir: shall I live sparing for a Brood of Bratts, that for my Means wish me in my Grave! No, I know better things: I will my self enjoy it while I live, for when I'm gone, the World is gone with me: Thou hast my heart, my Dear, and I'll not leave thee; tho' she shou'd Chat until her Tongue be weary. I'll find another way to make her quiet; or she shall have but very small Allowance: She tells me, Grief will kill her very shortly: I wish it wou'd, I shou'dn't grutch the Charges of giving her a Coffin and a Grave.
I (says the Coaxing Jilt) I like you now. Do as you say, and then I'll warrant you, you'll quickly make the Flirt submit her self: And win my heart for ever.
Thus they continu'd Revelling and Spending, whilst his poor Wife went with a hungry Belly, and her small Children almost wanted Bread; which with the grief she took to see her Husband unreclaimable cast her into a fit of Sickness; which in a few days brought her to her Grave, to the great Grief of her poor Children and her Neighbours, who all Lamented her: But to the great Joy of her Scotish Husband and the Graceless Quean that he maintain'd, who now thought all their own, and that they might Sin on without Controul. But tho his Vertuous Wife wanted an Elegy, she shall not want an Epitaph: