CHAP. VII.
How a Citizen went to a Bawdy-House for a Whore, and the Bawd helpt him to his own Wife.
A Certain Citizen in London, in the late times had a very fine Woman to his Wife; and had but her Vertue been equal to her Wit and Beauty, she might have deserved the first rank among Women: But Lust had so great an Ascendant in her, that her Husband was unable to Satisfie her over strong desires to the Delights of Venus: And therefore having Communicated her Thoughts to an Old Bawd that kept a House of Private Entertainment for the Accommodation of Persons of Quality of both Sexes, she told her that for a Guinea in hand to her, and two Guinea's for the drawing of her Picture, she might be enter'd into her Accedamy; whereby (says the Bawd) you may both receive the Satisfaction you want, and gain Money likewise; for the first Charge is all you will be put to, which will be but three Guinea's, and Ten Shillings to the Attendants, who by the Services they will do you, will very well deserve it: Then she enquir'd of the Bawd what the Custom of the House were, and how she must manage herself in that Affair? And then she cou'd the better tell her whether she cou'd order Matters so as to comport therewith.
To this, the Bawd return'd this Answer:
I have as genteel a House as most in London, with several Chambers very well furnish'd for accomodation of Gentlemen and Ladies: and a Looking-glass in each Chamber so conveniently plac'd, that those who have a mind to't, may see what they do: For some take as much delight in seeing as in doing: My House goes under the Notion of being Let out in Lodgings, and every Gentlewoman than is enter'd, has her Picture drawn, which hangs up in the Dining Room; where when Gentlemen come, they chuse which Person they please by the Picture; and for a Guinea paid to me, they are admitted to her, with whom they make what Bargain they can agree upon. And by this means we are sure that none but Persons of Quality can be admitted: and the Ladies Honours are thereby secur'd.
But for ought I perceive (said the Citizen's Wife) here is constant Attendance requir'd, to be in the way; or else how shall a Gentleman do, that chooses the Picture of a Person that en't there? As to that replied the Bawd, the more any Gentlewoman is there, so much the better 'tis; and so much the more Money they get; but those that can't attend always, have their certain hours; and if a Gentleman has a Fancy to such a one, when he knows her hour, he will come accordingly.—Now you your self can best judge what hour will be fittest for you—That I am at a Loss how to resolve, says she.—Tell me how you spend your time, all Day, says the Bawd and then I'll tell you what you shall do—Why, says she, many times I rise at five a Clock in the Morning, and having got my self drest by Six a Clock, I go to the Lecture at St. Antholines, which is done a little before Eight, and then I return home; and at Ten—Hold, says the Bawd, you need say no more; There's nothing in the World blinds a Man like a pretence of Devotion; and therefore if you can get out at Six a Clock to go to the Lecture, 'tis the only time you can take; and by that time the Lecture's done, you may be at home again: Nor need you stand much upon Dressing; for if you come in a Loose Morning-Gown, you're the fitter for Business. She lik'd the Bawd's contrivance very well, and accordingly paid her Entrance Money, and Deposited two Guinea's for the Drawing of her Picture. And in the mean time went constantly to the Lecture every Morning: Which her Husband was very well pleas'd at. But her being of late more constant at the Lecture than she us'd to be, caus'd some suspicion in her Husband, who rising one morning (which happened to be the Day before her Picture was ready,) he follow'd her unseen, to know whither she went to the Lecture or no; and she going directly thither, and staying there all the time; her Husband had a mighty Opinion of the Devotion and Piety of his Spouse: And began to blame himself for having entertain'd an ill thought of her.
All things being now ready at the Old Bawds, and her Picture done to the Life, so great was her Beauty, that she wanted no Customers, each Person that came generally made Choice of her to do the Trick with; Whereby she not only satisfied her Lustful Desires, but was supplied with Money likewise, without robing of her Husband of his Coin, tho' she wrong'd him more nearly another way: Which he not knowing, nor believing, thought himself as happy in her, as any Man in London was in a Wife: So true is that Proverb, Than What the Eye sees not, the Heart rues not.
But there were other Citizens Wives that were as full of Leachery as this, tho' not so handsome: And they found Trading very sensibly Decay, since this Fair Sinner was enter'd into the Colledge. And she by her Beauty having Monopoliz'd the Topping Customers to herself, was look'd upon with an Envious Eye by all the rest, Who consulting together, found it was absolutely necessary to give her a remove, but how to do it, was the Question: At last one of 'em told the rest it shou'd be her Province; and she wou'd do it effectually, so she as shou'd never know who hurt her: Upon which, without asking her the means, they left the matter intirely to her.
The Jilt, to whom the Business was left was very Witty, but had but just Beauty enough to keep her from being Ugly, and consequently one that suffer'd most by this new Interloper; which rendered her so Malicious, that she had rather the whole House shou'd be blown up, than that Upstart shoul'd run away with all the Trading: And therefore she Writes the following Letter to her Husband.
To Mr. R——d S——n, These: