CHAP. IX.
How a Gentleman that fell in Love with another Mans Wife, through the Advice of a Bawd enjoy'd her, and upon what Terms, and what happen'd thereupon.
An Amorous Spark having observed a very fine Woman sitting in a Goldsmiths Shop behind the Counter, was so much taken with her, that nothing wou'd serve him but enjoying her; which yet he was altogether at a Loss how to accomplish, having no manner of Acquaintance either with her or her Husband. In this hopeless condition he goes to a Bawd, who had several times assisted him in his Love Intreagues, and tells her at what a non-plus he was how to accomplish his Design: The Bawd at first persuades him off of her, and promises to help him to one that shall not only equal but surpass her: But all that was in vain, for nothing wou'd Satify but, only this very Person. Well, says this Mistress in the Mystery of Iniquity, I'll tell you how you shall obtain your Purpose, if you are resolv'd to pursue it: Do but that, says he, and you'll oblige me for ever,—Well then, says she, you must take an opportunity to go into the Shop when she's there, and buy some little Trifle or other of her, or her Husband, and repeat this so often, buying sometimes one thing, and sometimes another, till by degrees you have brought your self acquainted with her and her Husband, and in so doing, you cann't miss of an opportunity to sound her Inclinations: If Pleasure has the Ascendant over her, you'll gain your Point the sooner; but if money be the Idol she adores, you must attack her with Gifts, and making Presents to her, and you cannot fail of Prevailing: The Gentleman lik'd her counsel very well, and was resolv'd to take it: And accordingly took an opportunity to buy a Silver Snush-Box; and having before bought some fine French Walnuts, he presented his Mistress with some, and by cracking of them, had an opportunity to tarry longer in the Shop, and gaze more on that Beauty which had already overcome him. In two or three days after, he comes again and buys half a dozen Silver Spoons and Forks, and then brought some peaches to his Mistress and presents her with them; and a Week after buys some other odd things; and still brought something or other which he presented to his Mistress; who always look'd upon it as the Effect of his good-nature, and Affable Temper, and had no apprehension of his being her humble Servant. After he had drove this Trade of being a constant Customer to the Shop for several Weeks together, and had made no farther progress of his Amours save to be look'd on as a Friend and Acquaintance, and once or twice invited to Dinner; at one of which times her Husband was call'd down into the Shop, to a Customer; in which Interim, he took an opportunity to acquaint her somewhat darkly with his Passion, which she either did not, or wou'd not understand; So that he begun almost to Despair, and complain'd to the Bawd how much charge he had been at, and what little likelihood there was of attaining his end.
The Bawd told him he had no reason yet to complain; for having got an Acquaintance there, and once discovered his Passion, he had brought things to a pretty good forwardness: My advice therefore now is, said she, that you let her absolutely know your Mind, and solicite her for the last Favour; and let me know your success, and then I'll tell you how you shall proceed.
He once more takes her Counsel, and going to cheapen some Knick knacks there, he finds her all alone; and having bought something of her, letting it lie upon the Counter, Madam, says he, I have made many Errands hither, but 'tis for your sake; for you are my chief Business, and your incomparable and Peerless Beauty, has made that Impression in my heart as will put a sudden Period to my Life unless your Compassion will grant me a Reprieve: for nothing can retrieve it, but the Enjoyment of your Love, and Beauty.—I can't believe, Sir, says she, that that poor Stock of Beauty I am Owner of, can ever produce any such fatal Effects as those you speak of. But 'tis the common Theam that you are pleas'd to entertain our Sex withal, tho there be nothing in it. However, 'tis methinks a great Peice of Folly to love at that rate, where you can have no hopes of Enjoyment: for I am otherways dispos'd of: And there are young Ladies enough that are single, that are more worthy of you. I question not Madam, replyed he, but I might have choice of Mistresses: But, 'tis you only that have wounded me, and therefore 'tis you alone that can effect my Care.—What wou'd you have me do to cure you, Sir, said she? Do, Madam, said he! Grant me the Enjoyment of your Love, for that alone can give me Ease. Why, said she, wou'd you have me wrong my Husband's Bed? Shou'd I do so, how do you think he'd take it? E'en bad enough, I do believe, said he; if you shou'd let him know it; but sure there's no necessity of that. And if you keep your Counsel, I shall take nothing from him he can miss.—Hold, Sir, says she, you talk as if we were already both agreed; but you shall find there will be two Words to the making of that Bargain. Besides you dont—But here's my Husband coming, says the Jilt—Indeed Sir; I have sold you a Pen'worth in it: I'll be Judg'd by my Husband. (Her Husband coming then into the Shop) the Gentleman perceiving how cunningly she turn'd off her Discourse, told her he did believe she had'nt wrong'd him much, and he was satisfied. And then shewing her Husband what he had bought, and what he paid for it, he told him his Wife had us'd him very well: And so he took his leave of 'em; and went to his old Crone the Bawd, and told her what had past. You may depend upon it, says the Bawd, that sh'll comply; but you must Fee her pretty high, or it won't do. This made him Shrug; for tho he had a great mind to enjoy her, he was not willing to be at too much charge Which the Old Bawd perceiving, told him he cou'd not hope to carry her under a Present of at least Fifty Guinea's; but yet, says she, if you will give me but Five, I'll warrant you shall gain your Point without being at any Charge at all: Make but that out, says he, and I'll promise you the five Guinea's as soon as e'er I have enjoy'd her: No, Sir, says the Bawd, I'll have my Money in hand; for you know, we never trust. Well, says he, here's your Money, and giving it into her hand, Now let me know your Method. Upon which the Bawd thus began.
Before I proceed, pray tell me the Price of that Diamond Ring you wear upon your Finger: Why what wou'd you do with that, replies the Beau; I woud'nt part with my Ring for an hundred Guineas, for it cost me above Four-score, and I had a great Peniworth in it; and if you'd have me to give her that, this is all Trick and Cheat; and I am only Funn'd out of five Guineas for nothing. Why so hasty, says the Bawd? I design no such matter; but you won't hear me out. Go to the Goldsmith, and tell him you are disappointed of a Bill that you expected out of the Country, and that you have a Present occasion for fifty Guineas, which you must desire him to let you have, and you'll leave him that Ring as a pledge in the mean time; and that as soon as your Bill comes to Town, which you expect every day, you'll pay him again. This is a kindness he won't deny you, because he runs no hazzard in it, and thereby he obliges a Customer. When you have got these fifty Guineas, take the first opportunity to discourse your Mistress; if you find she'll do't for Love, your Money's sav'd, and you have nothing else to do but enjoy her: But if the Jade be mercenary, as I dare say she is, you must tempt her with Gold; and that you may be sure to make her bite, give her the fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of her Husband.—A Pox take ye, for an Old Bitch, says he, in a kind of Passion; is this the way to bring me off for nothing?—You are too hasty still, replyes the Bawd; let me have done first, and then talk your Pleasure: Do, as I say; give her the fifty Guineas; and when you have enjoy'd her stay with her, either in the Chamber, or the Shop, until her Husband does come in: And when you see him, tell him you have receiv'd the Bill that you expected, and have brought the fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of him, and paid it to his Wife; and so desire him to let you have your Ring again. His Wife (to save her Honour) can do no less than own she has receiv'd the Money; and so her Husband must restore your Ring. And then do you be judge whether or no you don't come off for nothing. Well, thee'rt a dear sweet Rogue for this Contrivance, says he, and I could almost kiss thee, but that thy Mouth's so strongly guarded by thy Nose and Chin, that there's no coming at it: I like thy Plot extreamly well; and I'll go presently and put it in Execution.
Away goes the Fop, as well pleas'd to think he shou'd put a Trick on his Mistress as he shou'd enioy her, which for the Lucre of the Fifty Guinea's he no longer question'd. And coming to the Goldsmith's Shop, he pulls his Ring off of his Finger, and asks him what he'll give him for't: The Goldsmith having look'd upon it, told him he'd give him Seventy Guineas for it. It cost me more than Eighty, says the Beau, but I won't part with it; only because I'm short of Money, being disappointed of a Bill that I expected to receive, I must desire the kindness of you to let me have fifty Guineas on it till I receive my Bill, which will be in a Fortnight or three Weeks time at farthest; and I'll allow you what you shall think reasonable for it. The Goldsmith very readily gives him the fifty Guineas be desir'd, and takes his Ring as a Security. And so taking his leave, goes home very well satisfied; he had proceeded thus far prosperously.
In two or three days after, he goes to make a Visit to the Goldsmith's Wife; and it fell out in such a lucky minute, that her Husband was from home; whereby he had an opportunity with the more freedom to renew his Suit; and tho' he arm'd himself with all the Charms he cou'd, taking the Auxiliary helps both of the Tayler, Barber, and Perfumer; yet it all wou'd not do: Fain he'd ha'd sav'd running the hazard of his fifty Guineas; but when he found he cou'd not without such a Present obtain his wish'd Enjoyment, he as his last Effort, address'd her thus: Well, Madam; I do perceive you are of kin to Danae, whom Jove himself could not prevail upon until he courted her in Showers of Gold, an that dissolv'd her quickly into Love; & I intend to follow his Example, and to Enjoy your Favour I make this Present to you, and, therewithal gave her the fifty Guineas. And this had so soon molified her Stubborness, and made her maleable, that she straight made him this agreeable Return; Well, Sir, I see you are so much a Gentleman, that I scarce know how to deny you any longer: Your Amiable Person and good Humour, has over-come me so, I can no longer make Resistance, but offer my self to your Embraces. The Gallant then enquir'd if all were safe below, and if they shou'd not be in danger of meeting any Interruption from her Husband. To which she bid him never fear, all was secure enough. And then conducting him into the Chamber, she let him have what he so much desir'd. When he had thus debauch'd her, and satisfy'd his Lustful Appetite, he ask'd her how long 'twould be before her Husband wou'd be at home again, she told him he was gone out of Town; and wou'd not be at home this Ten-days. At which he seem'd to be surpriz'd, for he was loath to be without his Ring so long; but since there was no Remedy, he was resolv'd to wait till he came home. His Mistress seeing him so indifferent at the hearing of her Husbands Absence, cou'd not tell what to think shou'd be the reason of it; and ask'd him what 'twas troubled him? Nothing, my Dear, said he, but I was thinking how crosly things fell out; because my own Affairs obliges me to be some Days out of Town just at this happy Juncture, when I might have been blest so oft with your Embraces. The cunning Baggage (now she had got his fifty Guinea's) was as indifferent as he for that, and told him Time might present 'em with another opportunity which might be full as favourable. And so they parted.
The Spark was satisfied with the enjoyment of his Lady, and that Itch now was Cur'd; he only wanted back his Ring, or else his fifty Guineas, that he might demand it of her Husband; and now reflecting on his short liv'd Pleasure, he truly judg'd that he had bought it at too dear a Rate, altho' he should be only at the Five Guineas Charge he gave the Bawd.
But since the Goldsmith's being out of Town was such a Disappointed as cou'd not be fore-seen, & yet had been extreamly serviceable to him in the Enjoyment of his Mistress, he goes to the Old Bawd, and gives her an Account of what had pass'd, and asks her further how he must proceed in getting of his Ring again, without repaying of the Fifty Guineas? Give me the other Fee, says the Old Jade, and I'll inform you; for I am like a Lawyer, and don't know how to speak without a Fee. No, no, says he, I have Feed enough before, nor would I give so much again, for all the Pleasure her Enjoyment gave me.—The Bawd, (since she saw nothing more was to be got by him) advises him to wait the Goldsmiths coming home, and then take a fit opportunity to go to her alone, and to pretend he was just come to Town; and to desire another Assignation from her, which being made, and you having once more Enjoy'd her, stay till her Husband comes, and do as you were first directed. And when you have got your Ring again, I hope you'll then present me with two Guineas more.—No, not a Farthing more, says he, you know I paid you very well before-hand: And so left her.