I doubt not but you are well satisfied that I have all along took care in all my Actions still to approve my self (what you shall ever find me) a chaste and vertuous Wife, and tho' I am not sensible I ever gave encouragement to any lustful Eyes to cast a wanton Glance at me yet so it is, I have been solicited to commit Folly both against Heaven and you, with that young Gentleman to whom you lent the 50 Guineas on the Diamond Ring; & tho' I have as oft deny'd his Suit as he has made it, yet he continues his Solicitations still; and has been so importunate of late that I could scarce be ever quiet for him: And therefore being with me Yesterday, & urging me for my Consent to his unlawful Amours, I did appoint him to come to me this Night; having before receiv'd your Letter, by which I knew you wou'd be then at home. The lustful Fool is extream Confident that I will yield to his Desires; & since he wants no Money I thought it best to seem to yield to him, that having caught him your Trap, you may deal with him as you please. And there's another thing that I have to acquaint you with, and that is, that he's as Covetous as he is Leacherous, and did but Yesterday solicit me to let him have his Ring: And tho' (to put him off) I told him 'twas lock'd up in a Cabinet of which you had the Key: yet he reply'd that he cou'd bring a Picklock with him that cou'd open it. So that I am afraid he does design as well to rob you of your Treasure as your Honour. But ere to morrow Morning, I hope you'll have it in your power to make him pay for his Attempting either. At least I have contributed what I can towards it, and leave the rest to you.
The poor Contented Goldsmith, (who thought his Wife far Chaster than Diana of her Nymphs; and that the Wife of Collatine wa'nt worthy to compare to her) was hugely pleas'd with his Wife's Policy; and therefore order'd her to go home first alone, whilst he came after her Incognito; and when her Gallant came, he bid her hasten him to bed; and whilst she stood before him, that the Maid shou'd take away his Sword, and then he thought he might the better deal with a Naked Man: All which she promis'd him shou'd be obey'd.
At Night the poor deluded Cully comes to the Goldsmith's, according to appointment; and was conducted presently up Stairs; where, he might the less suspect foul Play, he finds a good Collation was proyided, which he and his false Mistress feasted at, she urging him to make haste into Bed, that there they might have more delicious Dainties, and she beginning to undress her self, he made most haste and first got into Bed; and then the Maid (as she was before directed) having privately carry'd off the Sword, comes running in upon a sudden, and cries out, O Mistress, we are all undone! My Master's coming up Stairs. Up gets the Quaking Beau immediately, and runs under the Bed, which he had but just done, before the Goldsmith enter'd: Who seeing of his Wife, Accosts her thus, My Dear I'm come a Day sooner than I expected,—You're very Welcome, Love, said she again, looking as one surpriz'd, at which, cries he, Why how now? What's the matter with you? And then looking about the Chamber, he sees a very Beauish Powder'd Wig; Ah ha! says he; What have we here? A Wig, new Powder'd! Pray whose Wig is this? I'm sure 'tis none of mine; then looking on the Bed, he sees a pair of Breeches lie, Hey dey! Cries he, Pray whose are these? They're yours, said she, for ought I know, (speaking a little surlily) whose shou'd they be, d'ye think? They're none of mine, says he, I'm sure; But let me see, what is there in 'em?—Then searching of the Pockets, he pulls out a Gold Watch, about Nine or Ten Guineas, a Silver Snush-Box, and several Pick-Locks: As soon as he perceiv'd the Pick-Locks, So, so, cries he, here's a fine Trade indeed! Cou'd you get none to serve you, but some Newgate-Stallion; One that us'd to Break up Houses, and Pick open Locks! Where is this Villain, says he, that Wrongs my Bed, and thus dishonours me, that I may run my Sword into his Heart, and send him of an Errand to the Devil?
The Poor Dejected Wretch, that look'd each moment to be stuck to th' Floor, resolving now to venture on the Goldsmith's Clemency, came trembling out from underneath the Bed, & begg'd of him to save his Life, and he wou'd tell him all that e'er he knew. Don't tell me, says the Goldsmith of what you know, but tell me what Satisfaction shall I have for the wrong you've done me, to come thus to defile my Bed? Indeed, said he, I did it never but once before. How! says the Goldsmith, have you lain with my Wife before? Yes, if it please you, once, and never but once. With that his Wife with open mouth came to him, O Villain, said she, art not thou asham'd thus falsly to accuse me to my Husband, because thy own base wicked inclinations are now brought to light? Hast thou not been soliciting of me to act Uncleanness with thee, a long time, and I refus'd it always? Nay, didst thou not intice me to it Yesterday, and I appointed thee to come to Night, because I knew my Husband wou'd be at home to give thee thy Reward? Let the Maid speak, I won't be my own Judge—Yes, Sir, reply'd the Maid, I know that what my Mistress says is true—
The Goldsmith then seeming to look more wistly at him, What, Mr. Bramble says he, as if he'd been surpriz'd: Is't you that did intend to claw me off thus? And then to mend the matter, go to accuse my Wife too, as if she had been Dishonest with you; when I am satisfied there e'nt an honester Woman in the Kingdom. Why to be plain with ye, 'tis she that has discover'd all your Roguery: As soon as he heard that, lifting up his Hands and Eyes, O the Deceit, said he, that is in Women! Pray give me leave to put my Cloaths on, and then hear me what I have to say—No, says the Goldsmith, I'll not part with these Cloaths; but yet I'll lend you something to cover your Nakedness with all; and then bid the Maid to reach him an old Suit of his. Which having put on, Now, says he, give me but leave to speak, and I will tell you how false that Woman is: Come, said the Goldsmith, let's hear what you have to say. Upon which Bramble thus began.
I must confess my Fault; I do acknowledge I did oft-times solicite your Wife to let me lie with her, and I must do her that Justice to tell you that she still refus'd it; until at last I borrow'd fifty Guineas of you on a Ring, and that I gave her, and she thereupon permitted me to lie with her. And I ne'er thought of Lying with her more, until she sent for me yesterday morning; and told me how much she lov'd me, and that you were to come home on Friday-night, and she wou'd have me Lie with her on Thursday night; and that to let me know how well she lik'd me, she wou'd return me back again the fifty Guineas that I gave her, and also give me back the Ring I pawn'd to you for fifty Guineas. And that was the Occasion of my coming here to Night.
But said the Goldsmith, Pray resolve me one thing; What made you bring the Pick-locks in your Pocket?
I brought these Pick-locks, reply'd he, at her desire, to open the Cabinet, wherein the Ring was put.
By that, answer'd the Goldsmith, I know that what you have said is false. For what need she to have desir'd you to bring Picklocks to open the Cabinet withal, when as the Key of it was in her keeping? for I left it with her when I went out of Town.
'Tis very true, my Dear, reply'd his Wife, and here it is. And then going to her Chest of Drawers, she gave him out the Key of the Cabinet.