This is my own, my native land?’
The supposition is incredible. Indeed, any circumstance which, while in Spain, induced me to think of Ireland was affecting; and I well remember the emotion felt on one occasion, merely because, on commencing a march, the band struck up the national air of ‘Saint Patrick’s day in the morning.’ Being directed to embark at Liverpool, I hastened there with the detachment, without delay; and having engaged passages on board the packet for Dublin, our luggage was shipped. My evil genius once more prevailed, and was so far present, as to seduce me, and of course, the soldiers under my direction, to enter a public-house of entertainment for refreshments, which might perhaps have been dispensed with. Forgetting ourselves, which those who love the potent glass are sure to do, we remained too long, so that on walking to the pier we discovered, to our no small dismay, that the packet had sailed. As negligence of this sort amounted to a breach of orders, I was apprehensive, in addition to the disappointment personally felt, of incurring the displeasure of my superior officer; beside which, our property was on board the vessel. Not a moment was to be lost. I therefore engaged a boat then on the beach, told the master to name his own price, and directed him to crowd all his canvas and strive to overtake the packet. We were instantly on board and under sail, standing out to sea in the track of the departed ship. Unfortunately the wind rose considerably, which created a great swell, so that after long and wearisome exertion, we had gained but little on the packet. We were at length perceived by the captain, who civilly shortened sail, lay to, and received us on board. Such are the penalties to be paid for unguarded delay.
Next evening I was refreshed beyond measure by a sight of the Pigeon House in the Bay of Dublin; and soon after placed my feet on Irish soil. One whole week, which seemed to be endless, expired before I had an opportunity of seeing my relatives. At the end of that time I could no longer refrain, and made a forced march to the neighbourhood, with a heart as light and devoid of care as may be desired. Every object was delightful. There was nothing like it any where else: the shrubs were so green, the sky was so bright and blue, the air so sweet, and even the earth was more soft and verdant than in other regions of the globe. Having to pass near the residence of a beloved sister, who with her husband and family, occupied a farm at Philipstone, I formed a little plan, and pleased myself with it, of taking her by surprise. I accordingly walked slowly to the house, as a wandering veteran in search of lodgings. As I expected, she did not know me; and no wonder. When last in her company, I was a mere gay and laughing youth. Now she saw the weather-beaten sunburnt visage of an unknown soldier, with his knapsack and side-arms, on whose countenance middle age had begun to limn a few serious lines. I began by informing her that my billet directed me to her house for quarter. ‘I take no soldiers here; you cannot be received.’ ‘But you will not be so hard as to turn me away! See how late it is.’ ‘Perhaps it may be; but I cannot provide for the like of you.’ ‘Surely that is not what you mean to say; some of your family are, likely enough, gone soldiering, and what would you think if either of them were served so?’ ‘That cannot happen. I had one brother, younger than myself, who listed in the army; but we shall never see him again. He was killed in battle.’ ‘Indeed! Perhaps I might have known him; pray what was his name?’ ‘Why, if it can be of any consequence to you, it was Thomas.’ ‘To be sure it was, sister; and here he is now. What! do you not know your brother?’ I need not describe the raptures of the interview. I kissed her; she wept for joy; explanations, inquiries, and wonderments, almost without measure or end, succeeded. In a few minutes the report of my arrival got abroad. Some thought it unlikely; others were sure it was impossible, unless the dead could be raised. Indeed, I discovered that letters had been received, stating that I had been slain at Badajos. Ocular demonstration, however, soon settled all debate; and congratulations, such as few but an Irishman yields, were tendered with true sincerity and friendship.
I proceeded without loss of time to my mother’s residence. Having been misled by the report of my decease, she could scarcely credit the testimony of her senses when I appeared before her. Great indeed was her exultation and my pleasure at meeting once more on earth. Nor did the time occupied by this social visit hang heavily upon my hands. Among other enterprises which attracted my notice, I made proposals of marriage to an excellent young woman, who was generous enough to listen; the preliminaries were soon arranged; we were shortly after united; and to this day I have reason to be thankful for the choice then made. Beside all this, I had to detail my adventures to numerous groups of listeners, each of whom must have a new version of the strange man’s tale. The thirst was unquenchable for notices
‘Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades,
Of healths five fathom deep;’
with all the other vanities and circumstance of war. Being in high spirits, aided it is likely with a little vanity, so likely to cleave to a man who seeks to recommend himself by feats of arms, I had no objection to dwell occasionally upon the perils and deliverances of bygone time. But during the whole of this season my spirit was not humbled by the least sense of moral defect. I knew nothing of myself. Indeed, such was the loftiness of carriage which I thought it right to assume that it was with me a point of honour never to sustain an affront unavenged. And yet, on looking back, I can trace an invisible but resistless influence, which even then guided me aright, and saved me from various threatening dangers. What I mean is, I was never utterly abandoned to my own devices.
My furlough having expired, I returned to England, and landed at Liverpool, in the winter of 1814; which was remarkable for one of the hardest frosts known in this country for many preceding years. I received orders from the paymaster to proceed to Kent, with a party of recruits destined for that district; and as most of the young fellows were rude and unruly, and strangers to military restraint, it required no common share of firmness, tempered with discretion properly to conduct and manage them. I arrived, without missing a man, in the vicinity of Maidstone. Just before entering the town, one of the most ungovernable of the squad contrived to dip his hands in mischief; nor was his mouth entirely guiltless. Having run up a score at one of the road-side inns, for liquors had and drunk, he was unable to pay the reckoning; when being minus of ready cash, he proposed leaving some valuable equivalent in the hands of the landlord, as a temporary deposit, to be shortly redeemed; this consisted of a bundle, containing, he averred, much valuable property. We had not proceeded far on our journey, when poor Boniface came running after us, stating that on opening the package it contained nothing but a few worthless rags. Meantime the shuffler, apprehensive of detection and no doubt conscience-stricken, had purposely out-walked us, and was considerably in advance when the plaintiff overtook us. We could only pity his sad case, and preach caution for the future. The troublesome personage just adverted to was the author of more mischief. At our next halt, under the influence, it is probable, of the late excesses, he quarrelled with the servants in the house; and being a powerful man, of about six feet two inches in height, soon cleared the public room of its inmates; getting into the street, he threw off his coat, and gave a general challenge for a fight. The invitation was properly rejected; and, like many other violent spirits, he was eventually subdued, and marched quietly to quarters.
Here I received unexpected orders to proceed to Plymouth. On my arrival there, I was stationed in the citadel. My removal was providential. I here met with an old friend, by whose side I had fought in Spain; he had received a commission as captain in the 2nd battalion. The last time we had met was on the ramparts of Ciudad Rodrigo, where he was dreadfully scorched by an explosion of combustibles. He introduced me in a very handsome manner to several officers in the garrison, and made honourable mention of my former conduct; by his influence I was also appointed colour-sergeant to the company. While at Plymouth, an order was issued which gave the soldiers liberty to attend such places of public worship as they thought fit, only it was expected that each should keep to his own community. When the order was read, I fell out for the Roman Catholic, where I continued some time to attend. The truth is, it mattered little by what name my religion was designated; for it was utterly worthless. I recollect that, one wet Sunday morning, it was my turn to march the catholic party to Stonehouse chapel. The piety of the others was about equal to mine. Finding ourselves rather damp from the rain, it was proposed that instead of going to mass, we should adjourn to the next public house. This was agreed to without a division; and there we remained till night-fall. Meanwhile I was a mighty advocate for papacy; indeed few were louder than myself if challenged on the score of my religion. In the month of March, 1817, the second battalions of several regiments, in order to reduce them to the peace establishment, were disbanded; and that in which I served was of the number. We were inspected, previously to dismission, by the medical officer; and though my services had not extended the length required by rule, yet, in consideration of the wounds I had received, I was placed upon the pension-list for an allowance of one shilling per diem. Thus disengaged from the toil of military avocation, I felt desirous of directing my steps homeward again; I accordingly crossed the channel, and arrived safely at Portarlington, Queen’s County, in the month of May.
Coming events again introduced me to the army. In November, 1819, the pensioners were called up for examination, that those who were fit for service might be enrolled as a veteran battalion. For that purpose I went to Carlow, and was deemed by the inspector fit for the duty required. After continuing there several weeks, directions were received, ordering that the whole of the sergeants, excepting four or five, should be dispensed with. The matter was decided among us by lot, and the decision happened to be against me. As I was placed by this event in disadvantageous circumstances, and excluded from the rank to which I felt myself entitled, I at once enlisted in the 7th foot, intending to serve my full period of time, and be thus ultimately entitled to an increased pension. With this view I resolved to conduct myself with strict propriety. But what are human resolutions? Can the Ethiop change his skin, or the leopard her spots? Just as soon can man reform himself, independently of divine principles. Without descending to particulars, I relapsed into conviviality and habitual dissipation. Strong drink ruined all my existing prospects. There were several religious men in the regiment, who expostulated with me on the folly of such conduct; but such were my ignorance and depravity, their words were as an idle tale. Nor, in fact, was I in other respects at home in the regiment. I missed the partners of my former dangers and hard service, men who not only talked of war, but had turned the tide of battle. We had also certain interests in which we seemed to be proprietors in common; and now I felt myself comparatively alone, and among strangers. We lay for some time at Newcastle, and from thence removed to Tynemouth Castle; while at the latter place, I was the means, under Providence, of saving the life of a fellow creature. During a heavy gale of wind, a sloop was driven ashore near the barracks, and all hands on board were in danger of perishing. The waves broke frightfully over the deck, sweeping in their course every moveable and threatening quick destruction to the ship. The crew clung to the rigging with trembling and uncertain grasp. Hundreds of spectators lined the shore but though all felt deep concern, none knew how to assist. At last a rope was by some means conveyed from the vessel to the beach, and soon after hauled tight; a young sailor and myself then ventured on it, through the surf, and reached the vessel in safety. Among others, the captain threw himself overboard, but missed his hold of the rope, and sank. He was under water some time, when I dived in search of him, and having fortunately grasped him by the hair, was able to raise his head above the surface of the water. The next moment we were both struck by a powerful wave, which sent us with rapidity on the shelving rocks, where we were picked up by several persons who came to assist. I was much exhausted for several hours, but in the evening was sufficiently recovered to walk to the inn, and inquire for the captain’s welfare. He had been carefully attended, and, though much bruised, was doing well. He knew me at the first glance, and exclaimed, ‘That’s the man that saved my life. I hope the country will reward him.’ Several gentlemen frequenting the Library and Reading-room, who saw the occurrence, were equally loud in their praises; and a clergyman, I understood, moved that I be rewarded with ten pounds and a silver medal. For distinctions so flattering I ought perhaps to be grateful; for they are all the reward I ever had. Why the worthy captain should expect the country to produce a premium for the saving of his life, I am at a loss to conjecture. One would have thought that the onus of doing that might have been laid upon a party much easier of access. Never from that time did I hear from these eloquently grateful parties.