‘Wherefore to Him my feet shall run,
My eyes on His perfections gaze;
My soul shall live for God alone,
And all within me shout His praise.’
A few weeks after this memorable occasion, I had another visitation of Divine mercy. This was in my own house, and just at midnight. I had indulged in wakeful meditations on the goodness of God, when my faith became gloriously strong. I beheld the Saviour, high on His mediatorial throne, dispensing the gifts of His grace to fallen and repentant man. I felt a powerful application of His merits to my heart; was filled with an eager desire to be dissolved, and be with Christ; and have reason to be thankful that the healing influence of this manifestation, though not always equally present, remains to the present day. I love the Lord, because He hath heard the voice of my supplication. Let my right hand forget her cunning, and my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth, if I prefer not Jerusalem to my chief joy.
Conceiving it to be my duty to recommend religion to others, I invited several of my friends and neighbours to hear the Word preached: of the effects produced upon them I am not perhaps competent to judge. Some professed to differ with me in judgment. Others, with the indifference of Gallio, put off my importunities to a more convenient season. By a few my weakness was pitied; nor was I altogether exempt from contempt and derision. But none of these things move me. ‘All hail, reproach! and welcome, shame!’ Only bring me to heaven at last, and I will make no complaint, though straight and thorny be the road. Instances, I think, remain in which my well-intended, though humble efforts were not useless. May the bread cast upon the waters be found after many days! Anxious to do something more for the benefit of others, I have been engaged for several years as a Visitor in the Stranger’s Friend Society, and a missionary collector; and I trust that He, in Whose hands are the hearts of all men, will favour me with His cheering aid in running the errands of His love.
On all of my life that is past, I look back with humility and gratitude; on what is to come, with confidence. He that has thus far been my preserver and guide will not forsake me in the end. ‘Being justified by faith, I have peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ.’ Nor can I reasonably doubt of the reality of the work; for ‘the Spirit itself beareth witness’ to my adoption, that I am a child of God. I desire, therefore, tremblingly, but in the exercise of steadfast reliance on the promises, to exult in a consciousness of the Divine presence; which, though invisible to mortal eye, is nigh to uphold and save. ‘Behold, I go forward, but He is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive Him; on the left hand, where He doth work, but I cannot behold Him; He hideth Himself on the right hand, that I cannot see Him; but He knoweth the way that I take: when He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.’
The Almighty sustained me when foremost in the files of war, and no weapon was permitted to give the fatal blow. To repress vanity, and prove my dependence upon the shield of His protection, I was struck at the breach of Badajos. But mercy was mingled with judgment; and though I fell, it was to rise again. The injury was not mortal. Space was given for repentance; and now, such is the goodness of the Lord, He hath placed me among the living in Jerusalem. ‘For who hath despised the day of small things? For they shall rejoice, and shall see the plummet in the hands of Zerubbabel, with those seven. His hands have laid the foundation, and His hands shall finish it. Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord of Hosts.’
‘Contented now upon my thigh
I halt, till life’s short journey end;