“Oh, how I longed to die while those words were being uttered; how I prayed in my semi-conscious stupor that his kisses would assist in smothering the breath which, in spite of my efforts, had begun to come and go softly through my purple lips. His loving words were as the music of angels, and my only wish was to be wafted away to the sweet sound of his endearing tones. My dreaded fear was made complete when I awoke to a full sense of realization.
“I opened my eyes to find myself in Roy’s arms. I saw that tender look of the strong man; I heard him say: ‘Darling, I love you.’ I felt myself clasped to his breast and I was glad I lived. God seemed to have sent him at the right time. I asked him how it came that he was there and he told me that he was so anxious to see me that he left business and all and came one day sooner. He had let himself into the house as usual and found me in time to bring me back to life. The baby was not so badly affected as I was, for the reason, I think, that he had cuddled close to me and in so doing had gotten his face under the bed clothing, consequently the fumes of gaseous poison had not penetrated his retreat.
“Roy was so tender and good that I could not bring myself to the point of asking him about his marriage. He asked me why I had undertaken the rash act and I told him that I was lonesome for him. Things drifted on for months, and he returned to this city to live. It was then that he came to me and told me that he was married. He explained how he had been compelled to have a certain sum of money in order to maintain his influence in the political circle and that he had married a wealthy woman. He insisted that I meet his wife, but I refused. I also refused to accept any financial aid from him. If it had been his money I should gladly have taken it, but I would not take a cent of the funds which had been the means of buying my place at my husband’s side. I then answered an advertisement for ‘housekeeper wanted’ and accepted a position with a small family, which only lasted a few weeks, at which time I found myself penniless. Next, I was a chambermaid in a hotel, but left because I could not have my boy with me. Then kind heaven seemed to favor me, for I secured a position as companion to an old lady. I remained there seven years; my boy was allowed to live in the house with me, and went to school as soon as he had reached the proper age. I saw Mr. Sunderman occasionally. He was a well known attorney and a man of affairs. During my stay at the home of the old lady I became very much attached to her, and it was little wonder that when she passed into the peaceful slumber of death that I was much moved.
“Many relatives that I had neither seen nor heard of attended the funeral. When the procession was forming to leave the house my attention was attracted to a beautiful woman, who had a little girl with her. She was an earnest mourner; it seemed almost impossible for her to give up her dear aunt to the relentless hand of death. She moaned and sobbed so pitifully as the casket was borne from the house that I thought to lead her; she leaned heavily on my arm and we slowly followed the form we loved so well and sadly watched the pall bearers as they placed the black case in the sombre vehicle. Then the carriages, which were silently waiting, began to draw up to the curbing as the huge burial car moved away. One, two, three handsomely groomed teams stopped, until the curtained doors of the carriages to which they were hitched closed with a muffled sound, when they would slowly walk away as though they understood they were to make room for the next.
“The fourth carriage halted; the attentive assistant opened the door and the lady I was supporting moved toward it, leading the little girl with her.
“‘Would you mind letting this lady ride with you?’ asked the undertaker, with a bow.
“For the first time she looked at me and seemed to recognize me as the woman whom she had seen in charge of affairs in the house when she had first arrived.
“‘No,’ she said, with a toss of her head, ‘I don’t care to take any servants in with me.’
“I watched the streets and boulevards for months before I again set eyes on that turnout; when I did it was but a matter of inquiry to find out it was the private equipage of Mrs. R. Sunderman.
“I had reached the stage of desperation, where I was ready to do anything but one thing, and that was to die. I wanted to live long enough to impress upon her mind who I was. It was while in this frame of mind that I met my husband. I had lost all respect for myself; I had reached that stage of degradation which is worse than to resolve to take one’s life. I had decided to sell my soul in order to have sufficient funds to at some time humiliate this woman who had refused to carry me in her carriage, which should have been mine. I went to a house of bad repute to apply for admission; while talking to the proprietress a man came in. He signified a desire to talk to me, and we left the place together. He was only a poor man, but his soul contains some of the rarest qualities of manliness that has ever been discovered in the human race. In ten days we were married. I did not love him, but he offered me and my boy a home. He asked no questions but, as he said, took it for granted that I was as good as himself; I have never loved him with that pure, unselfish love which is so essential to real happiness, but he has been good to me and I have done my duty.”