"How difficult it all is! The more the thing is worth while, the more difficult! Well, we were to try—to be married and go to Africa and try. Leonard didn't press marriage on me, but he admitted that he'd prefer it—for a particular reason that I'll tell you about presently. And I agreed; but neither of us made a great thing of that. Marriage may be a great thing, but I can't think that marrying just to mend matters is anything very great and sacred, can you? And that was all ours would have come to, of course. It would have been by way of apology."
She had a remorseless mind—most remorseless for herself and her motives. Yet a man might be a bit puzzled how to meet her reasoning.
"We're getting into the sphere of those opinions," I said. "We shall be up against Alison and Mrs. Jepps in a moment!"
"I know, and I'm only trying to tell you what happened—how we felt about the thing. And then—we needn't have troubled! A gay young gentleman, a little merry with wine—a lady in a cafe—a hot-tempered man particularly jealous to exact respect for her—what a simple, obvious, silly way to bring everything to dust!"
"You said you were happy at last."
"Our fight was done; our love was perfect. Oh, but we managed a quarrel; I wanted to die, too, and that made him terribly angry." She laughed—and the tears rolled down her cheeks. "Dear, dear Leonard—he said that, if he'd known I should talk such nonsense, he'd have thrown the Frenchman into the Loire and had no more trouble about it. So he died—his crossness with me just over!"
"Well over, I think," I said gently.
"He gave just one turn of his great great body, laid his head on my breast, swore at a fly that settled on his nose—oh, Austin!—and went to sleep there like a little child. It was above two hours before I could bear to call anybody. Then—they took him away."
After a long pause, which I had no inclination to break, she went on: "I daresay you wonder why I came back here?"
"I thought you'd come back. Things never seem irremediable to you; you never like to let go finally."