Nor can it be said that the divine gifts of imagination and artistic creativeness tend to mitigate the solemn boredom and exasperation that overtake the parties to such a legal union; on the contrary, they but enhance its horrors: behold the unhappy married lives of most men of genius, Dickens, Carlyle, Byron, and the philosophic Socrates!
(C) The monogamic marriage based on the modern idea of “love” (which should, by the by, be spelt “Luvv” to differentiate it from the nobler idea called by the same name), in addition to leading to bitter disillusionment, has in its very first condition—this sentiment “Luvv”—the seeds of its most potent corrosive. For it is impossible nowadays to conceive of love without contempt. Indeed, an innuendo of contempt is essential before love can be possible. This is easily seen if we reflect upon what love is. It is, in its present acceptation, a very wild, a very torrential sentiment. From the man who says he loves her, the girl exacts little less than single-minded adoration. She expects him to say she is the best girl in the world for him, and she insists on his believing it. She might, at a pinch, forgive his not regarding her as the best girl in the whole world, in the sense of supreme above all other girls in fact. But to him, relative to his taste alone, she expects to be that. And he expects the same. But what does this mean? What can it not help meaning? Both parties in a courtship are fully aware of what sorry figures they cut before the critical and fully informed eye of their own inner consciousness. Each knows his shortcomings, his pitiful and helpless foibles, his ugly traits, his despicable features, his nauseating, revolting side!
And what? Some one has been found who calls this the best? who raves about it? who is visibly frantic about it?
Deep down in her heart, therefore, where the girl secretes her contempt for herself, she now begins secreting the first drops of contempt for the one who can appear so wildly enthusiastic over something she knows to be so defective. Her man feels exactly the same, and though he may be exalted, for a while, by the girl’s having mistaken him for a hero, he would not be human if he did not feel a little contempt for one who could appear so enthralled by such humble attainments as he knows his to be.
When once, however, the first blush of passion has died away, this seed of contempt has to be reckoned with, and then, watered by disillusionment and nourished by indifference, it soon germinates and grows into the fungus which helps to blight the last green leaves that may still be left on the spare frail tree of conjugal affection. Because, the moment it shows its true colour and nature, it is recognized by either party in the other, and interpreted as a flat and wilful recantation of their former protestations, and consequently as an insulting and heartless volte-face which cannot be forgiven.
(D) In addition to the element of contempt in all love of the ordinary sort, there is another factor which, when once the moment of disenchantment comes in monogamic marriage, adds seriously to its force and hastens the end; and that is the unpardonable arrogance which is implicit in all these “love” matches.
When a young man A so far misunderstands his condition as to say he loves a young girl B with undying affection, although the psychologist may smile, he does not necessarily expostulate; for, after all, the attitude, though ridiculous, is not necessarily provokingly impudent. It is true that it is assuming that he is capable of an enduring passion, and therefore, that he is arrogating to himself a depth and a permanence which nine hundred and ninety-nine people out of a thousand do not possess; nevertheless, it is allowed to pass, because a certain modicum of exaggeration is allowed to lovers.
When, however, the young girl B believes A’s declaration of undying love, and accepts it as a fact, the psychologist is naturally annoyed; for here a degree of self-deception comes into play which cannot possibly arise out of anything else than the most stupendous arrogance. In order that B may believe A, she must first have convinced herself of the following:—
(α) That she is capable of inspiring an undying passion.
(β) That she is capable of keeping it alive when once it has been kindled.