“None so deaf as those who will not hear!”
“Oh, ho!… You dare to be impudent!” I thundered and poured out all my bile on my poor lackey. “Get out! That no trace of you be left, scoundrel! Out with you!”
And without waiting for my man to leave the room, I fell on the bed and began to sob like a boy. My overstrained nerves could bear no more. Powerless wrath, wounded feelings, jealousy—all had to have vent in one way or another.
“The husband killed his wife!” squalled my parrot, raising his yellow feathers.
Under the influence of this cry the thought entered my head that Urbenin might really kill his wife.
Falling asleep, I dreamed of murders. My nightmare was suffocating and painful.… It appeared to me that my hands were stroking something cold, and I had only to open my eyes to see a corpse. I dreamed that Urbenin was standing at the head of my bed, looking at me with imploring eyes.
XIX
After the night that is described above a calm set in.
I remained at home, only allowing myself to leave the house or ride about on business. Heaps of work had accumulated, therefore it was impossible for me to be dull. From morning till night I sat at my writing-table scribbling, or examining people who had fallen into my magisterial claws. I was no longer drawn to Karnéevka, the Count's estate.
I thought no more of Olga. That which falls from the load is lost; and she was just what had fallen from my load and was, as I thought, irrecoverably lost. I thought no more about her and did not want to think about her.