“Nights of madness, nights of gladness.…”
Nothing acts more irritatingly, more titillatingly on my nerves than such rapid transitions. I trembled with rapture, and embracing Tina with one arm and waving the balalaika in the air with the other hand, I sang “Nights of madness” to the end.… The balalaika fell noisily on the floor and was shivered into tiny fragments.…
“Wine!”
After that my recollections are confused and chaotic.… Everything is mixed, confused, entangled; everything is dim, obscure.… I remember the grey sky of early morning.… We are in a boat.… The lake is slightly agitated, and seems to grumble at our debauchery.
I am standing up in the middle of the boat, shaking it.… Tina tries to convince me I may fall into the water, and implores me to sit down.… I deplore loudly that there are no waves on the lake as high as the “Stone Grave,” and frighten the martins that flit like white spots over the blue surface of the lake with my shouts.… Then follows a long, sultry day, with its endless lunches, its ten-year-old liqueurs, its punches,… its debauches. There are only a few moments I can remember of that day.… I remember swinging with Tina in the garden. I stand on one end of the board, she on the other. I work energetically, with my whole body as much as my strength permits, and I don't exactly know what I want: that Tina should fall from the swing and be killed, or that she should fly to the very clouds! Tina stands there, pale as death, but proud and self-loving; she has pressed her lips tightly together so as not to betray by a single sound the fear she feels. We fly ever higher and higher, and … I can't remember how it ended. Then there follows a walk with Tina in a distant avenue of the park, with green vaults above that protect it from the sun. A poetical twilight, black tresses, luscious lips, whispers.… Then the little contralto is walking beside me, a fair-haired girl with a sharp little nose, childlike eyes and a small waist. I walk about with her until Tina, having followed us, makes me a scene.… The gipsy is pale and maddened.… She calls me “accursed,” and, being offended, prepares to return to town. The Count, also pale and with trembling hands, runs along beside us, and, as usual, can't find the proper words to persuade Tina to remain.… In the end she boxes my ears.… Strange! I, who fly into a rage at the slightest offensive word said by a man, am quite indifferent to a box on the ear given me by a woman.… There is again a long “after dinner,” again a snake on the steps, again sleeping Franz with flies round his mouth, again the gate.… “The girl in red” is standing on the “Stone Grave,” but perceiving us from afar, she disappears like a lizard.
By evening we had made it up with Tina and were again friends. The evening was succeeded by the same sort of stormy night, with music, daring singing, with nerve exciting transitions … and not a moment's sleep!
“This is self-destruction!” Urbenin whispered to me. He had come in for a moment to listen to our singing.
He was certainly right. Further, I remember: the Count and I are standing in the garden face to face, and quarrelling. Black-browed Kaetan is walking about near us all the time, taking no part in our jollifications, nevertheless he had also not slept but had followed us about like a shadow.… The sky is already brightening, and on the very summits of the highest trees the golden rays of the rising sun are beginning to shine. Around us is the chatter of sparrows, the songs of the starlings, and the rustle and flapping of wings that had become heavy during the night.… The lowing of the herds and the cries of the shepherds can be heard. A table with a marble slab stands before us. On the table are candles that give out a faint light. Ends of cigarettes, papers from sweets, broken wineglasses, orange peel.…
“You must take it!” I say, pressing on the Count a parcel of rouble notes. “I will force you to take it!”
“But it was I who sent for them and not you!” The Count insisted, trying to catch hold of one of my buttons. “I am the master here.… I treated you. Why should you pay? Can't you understand you even insult me by offering to do so?”