Accordingly the next morning we set out for this amiable place; where we arrived, and finding myself all alone, without interruption or fear, with this very fair Creature, I advanced to a thousand Freedoms which she, with some resistance, permitted me to take: I was all Joy and Transport at every advance, and still the nearer I approached to the last Favour, the more blest I imagined myself; I grew more resolved, and she more feeble; and at last, I was the Victor and Bellimante the Victim; I remained some days with her, and one would have imagined I should have been intirely happy in this place with one so young and fair: But behold the fickleness of, Youth, and Man's nature.
Thô my Heart were full of Passion,
And I found the yeilding Maid
Give a loose to inclination
While her Love her Flame betray'd;
Yet thô all she did impart,
Pain and Anguish prest my Heart.
Thô I found her all o'r Charming,
Fond and sighing in my Arms;
Yet my Heart anew was warming
For Bellinda's unknown Charms;
Thought, if Beauty pleas'd me so,
What must Wit and Beauty too?
And though next day I found myself a hundred times more in Love with Bellimante than before, yet unless I could possess Bellinda too, I thought myself miserable: Yet every time she charmed me anew I was upon the point of renouncing eternally Bellinda, and sacrificing her to my Passion for Bellimante: But I did not remain long in that Humour, but every day grew more and more unresolved in that point; and as Bellimante grew more fond I grew more cold; not but I had learnt to say so many kind and soft things in the time of my real Passion with Silvia, that I found it easie to speak every day such endearing Words as gave her no doubt of my Heart; nor was willing she should see to the bottom of it, where she would most certainly have found Bellinda; yet with such a mixture of Passion for herself, that it would have been hard to have distinguished, which had had the ascendant there; only my desire at present was the most considerable for the fair Object I had not yet possest, and whom I long'd to vanquish; perhaps, as much for the Glory as the Pleasure, though my Heart did not at this moment think so.
After some time that I had lived here with Bellimante, I made some pretext to leave her for a little while; she, who was extreamly charmed with that Solitude, resolved to wait there my return, so that I had some pain in contriving how I should bring Bellinda to the same Castle as I wished to do; but it had in it many Mansions and Apartments, and, as I said, so retired from one another, that it was difficult to come at any time together or to meet: This consideration made me resolved, and very pressing with Bellinda, to go to this place, assuring her of such Diversion as she never met with in any other part of the World: She loved and was not long in persuading, and I had the Glory to conduct her in spight of all her Wit and Gayety, to this retreat of Solitude with me; where, unperceived, I obliged her to render me all that Love could allow, and more than Honour would permit: And I was for some days extreamly happy, and possibly had continued so, (going from one Apartment to another, and, like the Great Sultan, visiting by turns my Beauties,) had not a malicious fate prevented my Grandeur and Pleasure.
It hap'ned one day that I had sued a repetition of Favours from Bellinda; she seeming resolved to grant me no more, repenting of those I had taken, and with a charming Sorrow reproaching me, making me a thousand times more pressing than before: At last her force growing weaker, her denials fainter, and my importunities more raging; I found her yeilding, the Lily in her Face gave place to the Roses, and Love and Trembling made her Eyes more fair, and just ready to render me all. We saw approaching us Bellimante, who, having heard how I sometimes past my hours, resolved to surprise me in my perfidy; and accordingly found us in a gloomy Arbour with all the Transports of Love in both our Faces, which it was too late to resettle and hide from this too sensible and jealous fair One: In vain I strove with all the Arguments of Love and Tenderness to appease her, or, if by anything I said, I found her inclined to pardon me, on the other side it but served to incense and enrage Bellinda, to whom I had made equal Vows (at her coming to that place,) of eternal Fidelity. I am not able to express to you, my dear Lysander, what confusion I found myself in, I divided my Heart and my Entreaties between 'em; and knew not to which I most ardently meant 'em; I was very sensible, that while I treated both with equal Love and Respect, that I should gain neither, and yet if what I said to both had been addrest to any one of 'em, it would have prevailed; and I found it easie to have kept either, if I would resolve to quit the other; but my heart not inclining to that, or if it wou'd, not knowing which I shou'd chuse, made me remain between 'em both the most out-of-countenanced coxcomb, that ever was taken in the cheats of Love, while both were on either side reproaching me with all the malice and noise imaginable, so that not being able longer to endure the clamour, I took my flight from 'em both, and ran with all the force I cou'd to a Village call'd Irresolution; and where Coquet Love abandon'd me saying that place was not proper for him.
The Houses of this Village are for the most part not half built, but all appears very desolate and ruinous: It appertains to a Lady very fantastique of the same name. She makes a Figure pleasant enough, she never dresses herself, because she cannot determin what habit to put on; she is ever tormenting herself, still turning to this side and to that, yet never stirs from the place, because undetermin'd she knows not whither nor which way to go: And having so many in her mind resolves to go to neither; one always sees an Agitation in her Eyes, that keeps them in perpetual motion and fixt on nothing. You see her perpetually perplext with a thousand designs in her head at once, but puts none of them in execution.
I found myself in this place Embarrassed with a thousand confusions and thoughts, for Bellinda and Bellimante had equally shar'd my soul, and I knew not for which I shou'd declare; nor whether the Wit and extream good Humour of the first were more powerful upon my heart, than the Beauty and softness of the last, so that I was wholly unable to determin which I shou'd quit, having the same sentiments for one as the other, and resolv'd to abandon both rather than content myself with one: And the fear of losing one was the occasion of my losing both, in fine I was in the most cruel incertainty in the World. And I cou'd not forbear saying a thousand times to myself,