Upsidonia

by Archibald Marshall

I was also somewhat disturbed by a conversation I had with the Duchess of Somersault, sitting proudly on the tail-board of her van, in sight of everybody.

She said that she had never crossed the mountains in her wanderings, but had been pretty close to them, and she mentioned the names of several members of the Highland aristocracy with whom she was acquainted. She seemed a little disappointed when I showed myself ignorant of all of them, but was not, I think, suspicious, as she might have been. She talked, during most of my visit to her, in a full-bodied voice that was evidently music in her own ears, and though she plied me with questions she provided most of the answers to them herself. She wore a magenta gown, a violently checked shawl, and an enormous feathered hat, and sat with her knees wide apart and her elbows on them, smoking a clay pipe, while she talked to me. She was of massive form and highly equiline features, and looked every inch of her a grandame.

"I met Lord McGillicuddy the last time the Duke and I were up north," she said. "Of course you know him. A grand old man, is he not? The Master of McGillicuddy is on his way to Culbut now, with a flock of sheep, and if he arrives before we go out of town I shall ask a few friends to meet him, and I hope you will make one of the party, Mr. Howard. And, of course, dear Miriam too. If he does not arrive in time we shall no doubt meet him, for we take the north road this summer, I am happy to say. There is always a great demand for wicker cradles on it; in the north they are more prolific than we are—as of course you know. I shall certainly tell him what a pleasure it has been to meet you, and get him to look you up. He will be able to support you if you have any more trouble with that tiresome Hezekiah Potter, who seems to think he can behave exactly as he pleases, and must, I am afraid, have given you a poor opinion of our pleasant little society here."

I assured her Grace, as seemed to be expected of me, that she herself had dissipated any unfortunate ideas I might have formed on that subject. She dismissed me with an agreeable smile, and an assurance of her continued support, for whatever it might be worth.

Miriam returned in the Duchess' van. She was a favourite with the Duke, who asked her to sit up beside him, while he drove his old toastrack of a horse.

I walked with Edward, who was much disturbed in his mind over what had happened. He said that Potter's insolence was beyond all bearing, and he had been seriously considering whether it was not his filial duty to seek him out with a horsewhip and give him a sound thrashing.

"To think that my dear good old father should be subjected to the foul insults of such a man as that!" he said. "It positively makes my blood boil. On the one side you have a man whose whole being radiates self-sacrifice and benevolence, and on the other a wretched cur snarling at his heels. What am I to do, Howard? I don't want to be sent to prison, but upon my word I feel inclined to risk it for the pleasure of assaulting that scoundrel."

"I should treat him with the contempt he deserves," I said. "It is a case of dignity and impudence. Surely, your father's noble life speaks for itself! Nothing that you could do to such a contemptible person as Potter would make it shine with brighter effulgence."

He turned to me and wrung me warmly by the hand. The tears were in his eyes, and he was too much moved to speak for the moment. "Thank you for those words," he said presently, in a low voice. "I am sure they were spoken from the heart, and I shall not forget them. There are few who are blessed with such fathers as mine, and I have the pleasure of feeling that he will soon be your father too, and that you will revere him as he deserves. Tell me, Howard, didn't that count with you, when you made up your mind to propose to my sister?"

"Well, perhaps I was thinking more about her at the time," I said. "But naturally I congratulate myself on the prospect of having such a father-in-law."