CULVER. Young woman, you know that you are absolutely indispensable to me. You know that without you I should practically cease to exist. I am quite open with you as to that—and as to everything. You are acquainted with the very depths of my character and the most horrible secrets of my life. I conceal nothing from you, and I demand that you conceal nothing from me. What are your reasons for giving me notice in this manner?
MISS STARKEY. My self respect would not allow me to remain with a gentleman who had refused a title. Oh, Mr. Culver, to be the private secretary to a baronet has been my life's dream. And—and—I have just had the offer of a place where a peerage is in prospect. Still, I wouldn't have, taken even that if you had not—if you had not—( controlling herself, coldly ). Kindly accept my notice. I give it at once because I shall have no time to lose for the peerage.
CULVER. Miss Starkey, you drive me to the old, old conclusion—all women are alike.
MISS STARKEY. Then my leaving will cause you no inconvenience, because you'll easily get another girl exactly like me.
CULVER. You are a heartless creature. ( In an ordinary voice .) Did we finish the first letter?
This is the second one. ( Dictates .) 'My dear Lord Woking'—
MISS STARKEY. But you've just given me that one.
CULVER ( firmly .) 'My dear Lord Woking.' Go on the same as the first one down to 'I cannot adequately express to you my sense of the honour in contemplation.' 'Full stop. I need hardly say that, in spite of my feeling that I have done only too little to deserve it, I accept it with the greatest pleasure and the greatest gratitude. Believe me, etc.'
MISS STARKEY. But—
CULVER. Don't imagine that your giving me notice has affected me in the slightest degree. It has not. I told you I had two letters. I have not yet decided whether to accept or refuse the title. ( Enter Mrs. Culver, back .) Go and copy both letters and bring them in to me in a quarter of an hour, whether I ring or not. That will give you plenty of time for post. Now—run! ( Exit Miss Starkey, back . Culver rises, clears his throat, and obviously braces himself for a final effort of firmness . Mrs. Culver calmly rearranges some flowers in a vase .) Well, my dear, I was expecting you.