____________________
[The following paper was contributed by Mr. Browne to "Vanity Fair," the New York "Punch," which terminated its career during the late war. Some of the allusions are, of course, to matters long past; but the old fun and genuine humour of the showman are as enjoyable now as when first written.]
Washington, April 17, 1863.
My wife stood before the lookin-glass, a fussin up her hair.
"What you doin, Betsy?" I inquired.
"Doin up my back hair," she replied.
"Betsy," said I, with a stern air, "Betsy, you're too old to think about such frivolities as back hair."
"Too old? Too old?" she screamed, "too old, you bald-heded idiot! You ain't got hair enuff onto your hed to make a decent wig for a single-brested grasshopper!"
The Rebook was severe, but merited. Hens4th I shall let my wife's back hair alone. You heard me!