"After some considerable hesitation I agreed, and went to the girl's mother for her consent: 'No objection to your marrying my four girls, but you'll have to take me as well.' After a little reflection, I consented, and went to the two grandmothers for their consent:—'No objection,' said the old dames in a breath, 'but you'll have to marry us as well. We cannot think of separating the family.' After a little cosy hesitation on my part, I finally agreed to swallow the two old venerable antiquities as a sort of sauce to the other five."
Under these circumstances, who can wonder at Brigham Young being the most highly married man in the Republic? In a word, he is too much married—indeed, if I were he, I should say two hundred and too much married.
As I see my esteemed friend Joe Whitton, of Niblo's Garden, sitting right before me, I will give him an anecdote which he will appreciate. There is considerable barter in Salt Lake City—horses and cows are good for hundred-dollar greenbacks, while pigs, dogs, cats, babies, and pickaxes are the fractional currency. I dare say my friend Joe Whitton would be as much astonished as I was after my first lecture. Seeing a splendid house I naturally began to reckon my spondulics. Full of this Pactolean vision, I went into my treasurer's room.
"Now, Hingston, my boy, let us see what the proceeds are! We shall soon make a fortune at this rate."
Hingston with the solemnity of a cashier, then read the proceeds of the lecture:
"Three cows, one with horns, and two without, but not a stumptail; fourteen pigs, alive and grunting; seventeen hams, sugar cured; three babies in arms, two of them cutting their teeth, and the other sickening with the chicken-coop, or some such disease." There were no end of old hats, ladies' hoops, corsets, and another article of clothing, generally stolen from the husband. There was also a secondhand coffin, three barrels of turnips, and a peck of coals; there was likewise a footless pair of stockings without the legs, and a pair of embroidered gaiters, a little worn. If I could find the legs belonging to them—well, I won't say what I'd do now—but leave all ladies in that pleasing state of expectation which is true happiness. Ladies and gentlemen, my lecture is done—if you refuse to leave the hall, you'll be forcibly ejected.