Cheng Chang lingered near by to receive the praise that he felt was due. But the praise was slow in forthcoming. The wondering cook began to fear that he had dropped in too much chiao fen. Horrors. Horrors twice. Suppose he had? He deserved to be killed.
King Ching Chung laid his knife aside. He placed his fork in company. He raised his eyes and gazed at Cheng Chang. For a full minute he gazed. He questioned, “Cheng Chang, did you cook this duck?” Poor Cheng Chang. Down he went, kneeling three times. Each time he knelt, his head rapped the floor thrice. “Yes, most gracious and forgiving Majesty, I cooked the duck. I, Cheng Chang, alone am guilty. Oh, have mercy.” He could almost feel the headsman’s sword.
Steadily for another minute the monarch stared. Then he spoke. “You did, did you? Well, all I can say is this. The man who cooked this duck should be King. And, by the teeth of the bobtailed dragon who brings famine, I am going to make him King. I shall abdicate and appoint him to rule in my stead. Arise, King Cheng Chang, ruler of the universe—and the best cook that ever roasted a duck.”
So soon as Cheng Chang’s wife heard of her smaller half’s good fortune she hurried back to the palace. With her she fetched the three brothers, feeling sure that King Cheng Chang would appoint them to high places. If he wouldn’t, she would. She had things planned to the last detail. One brother was to be keeper of the royal and full treasury. What a clever idea. He had the largest pockets. Another brother was to be Governor of Kwang Ting. The third was to be made Commander-in-chief of the royal and never-run army.
At breakfast, the eldest brother mentioned his desire. “Oh,” said King Cheng Chang, “I can’t make you keeper of the treasury. I’ve already put in a man who has no hands.” “Well, what appointment have you saved for me?” “For you? Let’s see. You can be Ambassador to Ho Chung Kuo.” (A far-off country—America, in fact.) “Indeed?” screamed the Queen’s brother in terrible rage. He took his knife from his mouth and lunged at the King. . . . Only a remarkable quickness of foot saved King Cheng Chang.
His Majesty, very properly, was much displeased at such unseemly behavior. Who wouldn’t be? “I shall have your eldest brother beheaded,” he told the Queen. “Indeed?” said the Queen. “Then I shall beat you.” So that ended that. He was little and she was large. There was no beheading.
At dinner the Queen’s second brother remarked in a casual tone: “It’s an exquisite day, isn’t it? I hope it will be this pleasant when I am inaugurated Governor of Kwang Ting.” “You? Governor? I have appointed Ching Chung to be Governor of Kwang Ting. You can be constable at. . . .” “Indeed?” screamed the would-be governor in an ungovernable rage. He seized his fork and rushed at the King. Fortunately a mat slipped from beneath his feet. His fork tore a deep furrow in the floor. The monarch escaped injury.
Nevertheless, King Cheng Chang was highly indignant. Surely that was his kingly right. He said to the Queen, “I shall have your brother be. . . .” The Queen interrupted, “If you do, I shall beat you.” She rather had him there. The King crawled under his throne. The subject was closed, and the headsman’s sword was unstained.
Supper had barely begun when the Queen’s youngest brother, a huge brawny yokel, remarked that he had already purchased his uniform and would take over the army to-morrow. The King was taken back. “You command the army? Huh. I shall make you Minister to Yin Yung.” (A place twenty thousand li distant at the ships sail.) “Indeed?” roared the Queen’s brawny youngest brother. Clutching his soup spoon he leaned across the table and struck at King Cheng Chang, “Swish,” with all his might.
