“You are a smart man, but I’ve got one thing you haven’t got and never will have; and that’s the biggest liar for a son-in-law there is in this county.”

CONTENTS

[CHAPTER I.]
Showing Some General Characteristics.
PAGE
[Overlooked by Tourists]—[“Year Before Last Winter’s Snow”]—[The School Master and His Snow Grave]—[Drifted Roads and the Right of Way]—[The Post Holes in the Ice]—[The Man Who Took Comfort at Funerals]—The [Story of the Field of Oats]—[The Kitchen Dance “Up The Branch”]—[The New Maple Sugar Tub]—[A Yankee Philanthropist]—[The Butcher Who Was Too Generous] 13-34
[CHAPTER II.]
Relating to Certain Conjugal Infelicities.
[Why Dave Left Home]—[The Discouraging Matrimonial Experiences of Bill Jordan]—[Another Tale of a Confiding Husband]—[“Putty Bur-r-ds”]—[“Seven Wives and Seven Prisons”]—[The French-Canadian Who Wanted a “War for the Womens”] 35-53
[CHAPTER III.]
Legends of the Eccentric.
[“You Don’t Have to Yell at Me”]—[The Story of the Stolen Bundle of Hay]—[The Raid on Jim Green’s Pork Barrel]—[How Lote Platt Beat the Thunder Shower]—[The Tale of the Old-Fashioned “Settle”]—[The Lost Harrow Teeth]—[The Story of the Salt Shake]—[“Better Give Them to Some Poor Boy”] 54-71
[CHAPTER IV.]
Family Characteristics and Small Town Life.
[The Young Man Who Had “Speerit”]—[The Lady Who Secured a Wardrobe]—[The Story of “Lafe” and the Livery Stable Man]—[The Man Who Wanted to Fight a Year Afterward]—[A Rural “Trademark”]—[An Early Example of Camouflage]—[“Noah Built the Ark”] 72-90
[CHAPTER V.]
The Yankee Trading Instinct and Some Amusing Examples.
[The Story of the Eccentric Cow]—[The Remarkable Incident of the Cart Wheels]—[The Thrilling Experiences of a Mountain “Doctress”]—[The Expedient of the Cow Buyer]—[The History of a Milk Sled] 91-107
[CHAPTER VI.]
Domestic Animals and Their Part in Legendary Humor.
[The Story of a Wandering Sheep]—[The Young and “Self-Centered” Ram]—[The Sudden Enlightenment of the Young Pup]—[A Hen Heroine]—[The Story of the “Lolling” Horse]—[The Farmer Who Borrowed the Blind Horse]—[The Lame Horse That was Suddenly Cured]—[The Bird Policeman]—[The Evicted Swallows]—[The Proprietary Attitude of the Robins]—[The Haunted Cat] 108-132
[CHAPTER VII.]
Legends of Rural Spooks.
[The Ghost in the Milk Dairy]—[The Spook Story of the Runaway Horse]—[Table_Tipping_and_a_Victim]—[The Story of the Ouija Board]—[The Unreal Arrival of Uncle Mark]—[The Locked Door Which Swung Open]—[The Joke Played on the Hotel Porter]—[The Pedlar Who Disappeared]—[The Sudden Discontinuance of the “Spirit Raps”]—[The Supernatural Illumination] 133-155
[CHAPTER VIII.]
Tales of Rural Lawyers and the Courts.
[The Litigating Horse Dealer]—[The Attorney Who Scorned Divorce Business]—[The Murderer Who Was Not There That Day]—[A Celebrated Arson Case]—[The Attorney Who Justified “Assault and Battery”]—[The Lawyer Who Was Going to “Get Over It”]—[The Story of the Wily Bank Robber]—[The Legend of the Pine Tree]—[The Man Who Wanted to be “Sociable”] 156-176
[CHAPTER IX.]
Some Experiences of the Yankee Traveling Salesman.
[The Hopeful Young Beginner]—[The Sick Engineer in the Next Room]—[What Happened in the Hotel Barber Shop]—[The Salesman Who Was Given a “Warm Room”]—[The Story of the Itemized Expense Account]—[“Two Barrels”]—[The Old Man Who Was Inveigled Into a Poker Game] 177-195
[CHAPTER X.]
Traditions of the Rural Church.
[The Story of the “Raised” Biscuits]—[The Small Boy Who Scandalized the Congregation]—[The “Driveling Idiot”]—[The Love-Cracked Suicide]—[“There is a Lion in the Way”]—[The Man Who Borrowed “Arabian Nights” from a Christian Woman]—[The Woman Who Was Not Going to be a Pack Horse]—[The Enterprising Deacon Who Proposed at the Grave] 196-215
[CHAPTER XI.]
Tales of Rural Thrift.
[The Old Friend and the Load of Hay]—[The Man Who Worked a Confidence Game on His Cows]—[“Stew ’Er Down”]—[“Never Mind, I Can Cut It”]—[The Empty Flour Barrel]—[The Town Pauper Who Made an Epigram]—[The Conscientious Neighbor Who Ran an Account]—[The Thrifty Man Who “Swore Off” Using Tobacco] 216-236
[CHAPTER XII.]
Cheerful Tales of Neighborly Intercourse.
[“Am I Ben Jackson, or Am I Not?”]—[“The Farther You Go the Better They Are”]—[“Say, Put the Doctor Ahead”]—[The Scrambled Eggs in the Highway]—[The Story of the Rebellious Horse]—[What Happened to the Junk Man]—[What Happened to Another Junk Dealer]—[The Inquisitive Man by the Roadside]—[The Misfortunes of Mr. Foley] 237-255
[CHAPTER XIII.]
Sad Tales of Pre-Prohibition Days.
[The Return of a War Hero]—[The Motorist Who Was Good To Antoine]—[The Tale of a Rescued Keg of Whiskey]—[The Prohibition Whale Oil]—[The Righteous Wrath of “Marm” Hooker]—[“Poor Kelly Took the Rest”] 256-276
[CHAPTER XIV.]
Tales of the Farm Hired Man.
[The Hand Mowers at Murray’s]—[The Sporting Venture of the Country Editor]—[“I’ve Found the Spring”]—[The Expert Who Repaired the Fences]—[The Man Who “Arrived in a Great Hurry”]—[“Where’s Hadlock?”]—[A French-Canadian Version of Employers’ Liability Insurance] 277-293

CHAPTER I
Showing Some General Characteristics

When the young business man or girl stenographer who has grown up in one of the innumerable thriving towns or cities of the broad Mississippi Valley, scans the morning paper on the way to the daily task and reads of the incidental happenings duly chronicled as New England News, there may perhaps be a glance of the mind’s eye at that little corner of the map of the United States as revealed in the not remote school days. Then it was necessary, if one would be on harmonious terms with the teacher, to at least memorize the state capitals of Vermont, New Hampshire, and little Rhode Island, as well as those of the somewhat much more imposing looking states of Maine, Massachusetts, and Connecticut. And how small and insignificant they all looked compared with the rest of the map!

It is true that geographies of good standing are not supposed to deceive, but it is doubtful if any of them ever quite did justice to the northeast corner of the U. S. of America.

And when, as sometimes happens in these modern times, the young business man marries the little stenographer and by industry and intelligence becomes prosperous, there is a desire for the well earned holiday. He and the girl stenographer now become a matron, if permitted choice, are impelled to explore that same little corner of the earth so shabbily set forth by the map, but so attractively described by acquaintances who have toured that section in summer.

And perhaps they will repeat these visits and view many smiling valleys and listen to the soothing lullabies of the surf by night and to unconvincing statements of hotel clerks by day—and yet will have missed the most satisfying and illuminating characteristic of New England—contact with the real typical New England Yankee.

Nowhere on earth does the aphorism that appearances are often deceitful more frequently prove to be true than in New England, especially in the rural districts. The impressive appearing motorist displaying the now familiar license tag of the region may be a local tradesman rated in the commercial register as “capital $500 to $1000, credit limited.” Just behind in a cloud of dust the carelessly dressed man in shabby looking buggy drawn by a placid old horse, may own a fine farm, many pedigreed cattle and possess in addition an abundance of reserve cash with which to take advantage of any favorable opportunity for investment. While the apparel may “oft portray the man,” it is far from being an infallible test in New England. Even when the native of this region is transplanted to some bustling city, he is prone to develop carelessness in dress as prosperity steals upon him.