When your visitor is about to take leave, rise, and accompany her to the door, mindful, at the same time, that the bell is rung, in order that a servant may be in attendance. If the master of the house is present, and a lady is just going away, he must offer her his arm, and lead her to the hall or passage door. If her carriage be in waiting, he will, of course, hand her into it. These attentions are slight, and some persons may think they are scarcely worth noticing. Nevertheless, they are important, and we are the more earnest to press them on the attention of our readers, because we have witnessed the omission of such acts of courtesy in families where a very different mode of conduct might be expected.
And here, turning aside for a brief space from the subject-matter of our discourse, we desire earnestly to impress upon mothers who have sons growing up, the great importance of early imbuing them with the principles of true politeness, and consequent attention to its most trifling observances. What matters it if a tall lad pushes into a room before one of his mother's visitors; or, if he chance to see her going into church, instead of holding the door in a gentlemanly manner, he lets it swing in her face when he has himself entered; or whether he comes into the drawing-room with his hat on, unobservant of lady visitors, or lolls in an arm-chair reading the newspaper?
"What signifies it?" some will say—"why tease a youth about such matters? He will learn manners as he grows up." We think otherwise, and do not scruple to affirm, that he can never learn real gentlemanly politeness from any one but his mother. The neglect of small courtesies in early life, and the outward or mental boorishness to which it leads, has been, to our certain knowledge, a more fruitful source of wretchedness in many homes, than we have either time or inclination to relate.
In this changing world, visits of condolence must be also occasionally paid; and concerning such, a few necessary rules may be briefly stated.
Visits of condolence should be paid within a week after the event which occasions them; but if the acquaintance be slight, immediately after the family appear at public worship. A card should be sent up; and if your friends are able to receive you, let your manners and conversation be in harmony with the character of your visit. It is courteous to send up a mourning card; and for ladies to make their calls in black silk or plain-colored apparel. It denotes that they sympathize with the afflictions of the family; and such attentions are always pleasing.
Gentlemen will do well to bear in mind that, when they pay morning calls, they must carry their hats with them into the drawing-room; but on no account put them on the chairs or table. There is a graceful manner of holding a hat, which every well-bred man understands.
When calling upon a friend who is boarding, do not go up till the servant returns with an invitation; and never enter a room without previously knocking at the door, and receiving an invitation to come in. Such observances are indispensable, even between the nearest friends.
A gentleman when calling upon a lady, and finding that one of her lady friends is with her, must rise when the visitor takes her leave, and accompany her to the hall door; or if she has a carriage, he should hand her into it—supposing, however, that no gentleman related to the mistress of the house be present. If your visit has been of sufficient length, you can take your leave when accompanying the lady out of the room.
It happens occasionally that two persons are visiting different members of the same family. When this occurs, and one visitor takes leave, the lady or gentleman whose visitor has just left should remain in the drawing-room. It is considered discourteous to do otherwise.
In most families in this country, evening calls are the most usual. Should you chance to visit a family, and find that they have a party, present yourself, and converse for a few minutes with an unembarrassed air; after which you may retire, unless urged to remain. A slight invitation, given for the sake of courtesy, ought not to be accepted. Make no apology for your unintentional intrusion; but let it be known, in the course of a few days, that you were not aware that your friends had company.