Harriet. Dear Ma'am, I wou'd not rob your Ladyship on any Account.
Lady Betty. Oh you'll not derob me at all, and then I'll let you have a Copy of my Receipt how to be a fine Lady, it was made in Paris upon the most minute observation. I was assisted in it by Monsieur Capriole my dancing Master, Madam D'Epingle my Milliner, La Jeuness my hair dresser, and Fanchonette my waiting Maid.
Harriet. Dear Ma'am, let me have it of all things—it must needs be a curiosity.
Lady Betty. I believe I have it in my Pocket—here it is—I'll read it to you. "Take a score of French Phrases, everyday, bien tournées, and mix 'em well together to qualify the Barbarity of the English. Be sure to have a thorough contempt for the Milliners and the Tradesfolk of your own country. Be sure never to visit with your Husband, if you have a mind to be happy with him, don't see the horrid creature above one in a quarter."
Harriet. I suppose your Ladyship means as Falstaff says in a quarter of an hour.
Lady Betty. Well, by all that's pleasant, I shall never survive that. No child, once in a quarter of a year is enough to see the domestic Animal, to get one's pin-money of him—or to make him mortgage—or sell—or anything to pay one's gaming Debts. But I'll go on. "Be sure to have a Douceur and a fierté ready to command in the Countenance." Now if one of these Insulaires—one of these Island People shou'd come within the Hemisphere of my Hoop there's my fierté—and if one meets with anything that has voyaged, that has depatriated as the Clive calls it in the Play—there's my Douceur—but don't interrupt. "Be sure never to be happy if anybody of your acquaintance keeps more Card Tables than yourself—"
Harriet. Is that an Essential to Happiness Ma'am?
Lady Betty. Assurement Ma'am'selle. A fine Lady can never sleep in her Bed if anybody that she has a regard for keeps more Card Tables than herself. There was my Lady Fanny Brilliant, and I, vying about it for a whole half year—first she had twenty—then I had five more—then she kept Sundays then I kept Sundays—then she had thirty—then I had forty—then she added, then I added—then she—then I—then she again—then I again—'till at last, there was not a Hole or corner in the House but was cramm'd—and you'd think the front of the House wou'd come down, with all the Men's backs lolling out of the Window. I was oblig'd to play in my Bed-chamber in the Servant's Hall—everywhere—and if she had urg'd me further I should have had a Tent in the Courtyard, and on the leads of the House, but upon casting up the Accounts, I had the Majority by seven—and I lost a cool fifteen hundred more than her.
(Enter JACK BROUGHTON)
Jack. Mesdames, votre tres humble—I have made my Escape from the Savages below—I believe they are following me—no—à la mode d'Angleterre to make an end of their Bottle.