"'That's what I want to know,' said she, with more show of menace. 'What is your game, young man? Abduction?'
"'I swear to you, ma'am,' I stammered, 'that my intentions would be strictly honourable if I happened to have any.… I may be more intoxicated than I felt up to a moment ago.… But let us, at all events, keep our heads. It seems the only way out of this predicament, that we keep strictly in touch with reality. Very well, then.… You entered this vehicle, a middle-aged gentleman something more than three sheets in the wind. You emerge from it apparently sober and of the opposite sex. If any explanation be necessary,' I wound up hardily, 'I imagine it to be due to me, who have driven you thus far under a false impression—and, I may add, at no little risk to the transpontine traffic.'
"'Look here!' said this astonishing female. 'I don't know how it's happened, but I believe I am addressing a gentleman—'
"'I hope so,' said I, as she paused.
"'Well, then,' she demanded, smoothing her skirt, and seating herself on the edge of the grass, under the lamplight. 'The question is, what do you propose to do? I place myself in your hands, unreservedly.'
"I managed to murmur that she did me honour. 'But with your leave, ma'am,' said I, 'we'll defer that point for a moment while you tell me how on earth you have managed to change places with my friend, whom with my own eyes I saw enter this vehicle. It must have been a lightning change anyhow: for all the way from Piccadilly I have been priding myself on our speed.'
"'Change places?' she exclaimed. 'Change places? I'm a respectable married woman, young sir: and as such I'd ask you what else was due to myself when he sat down on my lap without even being interjuiced?'
"I made a step to the door of the taxi, but turned and came back. 'He's inside, then?' I asked.
"'Of course he's inside,' she retorted. 'What d'you take me for? A body-snatcher? Inside he is, and snoring like a pig. Wake him up and ask him if I've be'aved short of a lady from the first.'
"'He's incapable of it, ma'am,' said I. 'Or, rather, I should say, you are incapable of it. By which I mean that my friend is incapable of—er—involving you otherwise than innocently in a situation of which—er—you are both incapable, respectively. Appearances may be against us—'