The Independence Day Horror at Killsbury

by Asenath Carver Coolidge

The matter of responsibility for the increase or rather surplus of Independence Day accidents in the town of Killsbury, being settled the question was, what should be done about it?

Alderman Spofford proposed that “a paper—a smooth kind of paper such as Lawyer Rattlinger could write should be gotten up and sent to Mr. Schwarmer asking him to desist from distributing fireworks among the boys of the town. He said he would like to hear Rattlinger’s views on the subject.”

“As I understand it,” replied Rattlinger, “the main object of this meeting is to save our town from this year’s slaughter—a slaughter that will surely take place if free fireworks are distributed here as usual. The day is at hand. The peril is imminent. The question is what would we do if we had word that the king of Spain had sent arms and munitions of war to this place and that he would be here to-morrow to distribute them or arm the irresponsible classes?”

“We would say he was the devil in disguise and we would have none of his works,” said a white-haired man rising slowly in his seat. It was Philip Daycoy, the oldest man in town. He had the reputation of being one of the thirteen men who (painted and disguised as Indians) boarded the steamer, Sir Robert Peel; and yelling their war cry—“Remember the Caroline,” put the passengers to flight, plundered it and sent it ablaze down the river.

“My proposition is that we do just about as our forefathers and the Emperor of China did with the tea and opium that England tried to force upon them.”

There was a round of applause from the crowd that had gathered in the back part of the hall and cries of “how! how! Tell us just how, Patriot Daycoy, and by gorra, we’ll do it!”

Was the brutal instinct being stirred up? Philip Daycoy, who was sitting by the Reverend Dr. Normander, looked at him appealingly. Many a year had elapsed since he had thought of himself as a patriot or of the burning of the Sir Robert Peel as a truly patriotic transaction.

“Help me out, for God’s sake, Doctor. I don’t like that brutal howling back there. There must be a way and a right way to do this thing—a way to do it without using muskets and bayonets and setting the cars on fire.”

The reverend gentleman arose quickly and stretched out his arms as though to still a rising tempest.

“Our aged brother Daycoy has authorized me to answer the question for him. I know perfectly well how he feels about matters of this kind. He doesn’t feel exactly as he did when he was young and inexperienced. He was only 18 years old when he boarded the English steamer, with his revengeful cry. He has learned a better and higher wisdom since then. He wants the right thing done every time. He believes in extreme measures in extreme cases but he does not believe in savage measures. That is, he does not propose that we should disguise ourselves as Indians, arm ourselves with muskets and bayonets and seize the patriotic stuff which Lawyer Rattlinger has likened very aptly to arms and munitions of war. To dress like a savage and use the war implements of the civilized man would be making a composite of the worst features of both. He simply means that we must act promptly and with sufficient energy to avert the horrible annual slaughter so near at hand. I am with him in heart and soul. I believe the shortest way would be the surest way and I, like the President, would take it if possible; and I believe we all would. For instance, if by some miraculous event, there should be a load of these dangerous explosives standing in the street as we go out of this hall I believe we would seize upon them with divine accord and proceed to throw them in the river or put them where they could never harm any one. But as nothing so miraculous is likely to occur I propose the next shortest way—that is that the common council take the matter in hand and act promptly and to the full limit of its power. My impression is that the City Fathers have a reserve of power vested in them for such emergencies, and my belief is that the great trouble with those in authority everywhere is that they fail to use the authority when it is needed the most. If I am wrong on these points I hope Lawyer Rattlinger will correct me.”