He was a distressing sight at breakfast, with his big, sleepy head sunk on his breast, and his swollen features. Both of us suffered from self-consciousness; he was in a gloomy mood and kept up an obstinate silence. Once he seized my hand and apologised for his absent-mindedness, but almost directly afterwards he relapsed into gloom. I made every effort to rouse him, but in vain; we were out of harmony, the tie between us was broken. An expression of coarseness and vulgarity had stolen into his face, usually so frank and pleasant. The reflection of the charm, the living beauty of his beloved wife had vanished; the uncouth man had appeared.
I was unable to guess at his thoughts. Did he suspect my feelings? To judge from his behaviour he must have been a prey to very conflicting emotions, for at one minute he pressed my hand, calling me his best, his only friend, at the next he seemed oblivious of my presence.
I discovered with a feeling of dismay that we only lived in her and for her. Since our sun had set we seemed to have lost all individuality.
I determined to shake him off as soon as we got back to town, but he held on to me, entreating me to accompany him to his house.
When we entered the deserted home, we felt as if we had entered a chamber of death. A moisture came into our eyes.
Full of confusion and embarrassment, I did not know what to do.
"It's too absurd," I said at last, laughing at myself; "here are a captain of the Guards and a royal secretary whimpering like——
"It's a relief," he interrupted me.
He sent for his little girl, but her presence only aggravated the bitter feeling of regret at our loss.
It was now nine o'clock in the morning. He had come to the end of his powers of endurance, and invited me to take a nap on the sofa while he went to lie down on his bed. He put a cushion under my head, covered me with his military cloak and wished me a sound sleep, thanking me cordially for having taken compassion on his loneliness. His brotherly kindness was like an echo of his wife's tenderness; she seemed to fill his thoughts completely.