A few medical points now require our attention. The husband should be older than the wife, on the average from six to twelve years. This point is very important if a monogamous union is to be lasting. Woman matures earlier than man, both mentally and sexually; her personality becomes more rapidly adult than his; she ages more quickly and loses her faculty of procreation sooner than man. Certain savage races solve the problem by marrying as boys and girls, casting off their wives when they grow old, to marry younger ones. Among civilized races, man manages his affairs by making use of prostitution. From his youth he succumbs to physical and moral corruption, often complicated with venereal infection, and then often regards marriage as a kind of hospital for incurables, where the wife plays the parts of housekeeper and nurse combined!
It is not easy to steer clear of these rocks, nor to formulate a rule for lasting monogamy. The old style of polygamy is brutal, and prostitution is still more disgusting. The sentiments of the egoist are summed up in the maxim, "After me the deluge!" To this the preacher of morals replies that "man should curb his passions." But this eternal dialogue does not help us in the least.
I propose a middle course, as follows: The young man who possesses sufficient strength to overcome his sexual appetite, or whose sexual appetite is so moderate that he can remain continent till the age of about twenty-five years, so as to enable him to avoid prostitution, promiscuous sexual intercourse or masturbation—this young man, I maintain, has the best chance of gaining the first prize in life. If he is free from prejudice and is not afraid of using anticonceptional measures for a certain time, he may then marry a young girl, to whom he may become permanently attached, if their two characters suit each other.
A young girl may very well marry at seventeen or eighteen, or at any rate between eighteen and nineteen. She is then sexually mature and her mentality is sufficiently developed, so that the difference in age we have required may be obtained. Young people thus united may continue their studies before procreating children, and their marriage will stimulate them to work.
When the intoxication of the honeymoon is over, the continuance of conjugal happiness depends on an intimate adaptation of the two conjoints in sentiments, intelligence and sexual appetite; an adaptation which purifies love on both sides. Work in common, a common ideal, mutual respect full of affection but free from flattery, and a reciprocal education which does not degenerate into pedantry nor tyranny, are the principal conditions for conjugal happiness.
It is absolutely necessary to avoid everything which causes reparation or exclusion, even in appearance. At the risk of appearing ridiculous in the eyes of certain superior persons, I repeat that separation of beds and bedrooms is a dangerous experiment to make in marriage, and that it may easily lead to estrangement, even when based on the highest motives.
It is the same, in a still higher degree, with sexual continence in marriage, even when it does not last for years, excepting in cases of grave disease or senile impotence.
It is often stated that a woman should avoid coitus for long periods, because among certain savage races the husband does not cohabit with her during pregnancy and the two years of nursing which follow it; the woman being considered by religion as "impure" during this period. But this proves nothing, for this custom only concerns polygamists, who make up for it with other women. If our monogamous marriage is to be natural, and not satisfied with words and illusions, it is necessary for sexual intercourse to be intimate and constant, and it should only be interrupted for short intervals, corresponding to the natural wants of the two conjoints, adapted to each other by mutual concessions.
Apart from this, menstruation and accouchement constitute the only exceptions based on physiology. According to Grüber (Hygiene des Geschlechtslebens) accouchement requires an interruption of at least four weeks; I should say at least six weeks. Every husband, with the possible exception of the most horrible satyrs, can submit to this without much discomfort. Pregnancy, on the contrary, does not require continence, provided the husband takes account of his wife's condition and treats her with care.
During the last months of pregnancy all violent movements and pressure on the abdomen should be avoided during coitus, so as not to injure the embryo. This may be effected by coitus in the lateral position.