It is not every one who has the good fortune to fulfill the conditions necessary for this combination. A positive sexual morality is, however, by no means excluded in less favorable conditions. Certain psychopathic or feeble individuals may contract sterile marriages in the manner previously indicated, and may recompense themselves for the absence of children by devoting themselves all the more to social duties, or to the education of abandoned orphans.
When a union is concluded between a person who is capable in all respects, and another who is not, the latter should give the other permission to procreate children by a third party, more adapted to give rise to healthy offspring. Although this is immoral according to current conventional opinion, it seems to me that such a proceeding could become reconciled with positive morality in the future.
In short, whoever understands the true nature of sexual ethics will always find a means of accomplishing good actions and avoiding bad ones, at the same time satisfying his normal appetites, provided these injure no one.
The truly moral man will never become the accomplice of such a social iniquity as proxenetism with prostitution and all its satellites, but will oppose them with all his power. He will always avoid doing wrong to any one by his sexual appetite; and if his passion drives him to a thoughtless act, he will do his utmost to redress the bad effects which may result from it.
The psychological action produced by conjugal infidelity merits special attention. It depends on the more or less egoistic or altruistic qualities of the one who becomes enamored of a third person. I have observed the two chief varieties of cases. If the guilty husband has naturally moral and social sentiments, his extra-nuptial love renders him still more affectionate toward his legitimate wife. He eases his conscience by becoming more indulgent to his wife. When his amorous intoxication is over, he will try to avoid everything which may damage the reputation of the other woman, and will provide for her future. If there are children by this adultery, he will provide for them.
It is the same with a married woman who is in love with another man. In this case the whole personality is more powerfully involved than in man. But on the other hand, the natural energy of the woman will lead her to try and arrange a marriage between her lover and some other good woman, and to resist coitus with him.
If the matter goes as far as complete infidelity, and even without it, various reactions may be observed. When her sentiments are monogamous, as is the case with most women, the love of a woman for her husband disappears and is replaced by pity. She easily becomes peevish in her resignation. She often seeks divorce, even when adultery has not taken place. When she is polyandrous, as is the case with many hysterical women, she is quite capable of lavishing her caresses on her husband as well as her lover, a thing which is impossible for normal women.
What induces want of respect for his wife in the unfaithful egoist, is not so much the monogamous sentiment, which is somewhat exceptional in man, but intoxication of his senses by another woman. He then becomes miserly and disagreeable toward his wife, finding fault with her in every way, but the innocent and deceived victim finally discovers the true cause of this change of manner. Some women who are ill-treated in this way, preserve their love for their husbands, while others never pardon the slightest infidelity, not even an innocent platonic affection, in their husbands.
The brutality of a husband toward his wife, when he is in love with another, often knows no limits. From bad temper, chicanery, contempt and hatred, he often goes on to blows and even murder, as the annals of criminology prove too well. Egoistic women who have a lover, also treat their husbands badly. Owing to their legal subordination and comparative physical weakness, they reveal their sentiments in a less brutal form, but malice and bad temper are not wanting. In such cases, the woman's principal weapon is cunning, which may go as far as poisoning the husband. More commonly she simply abandons him, to force him to divorce.
There are many transitions and varieties, but the reactions we have mentioned are the most common. It is quite natural, when one of the conjoints falls in love with a third person, for the sexual appetite to become cold toward the conjoint, and for this frigidity to make her appear less desirable and show up her defects.