Man's flirtation, and his art of paying court to women are naturally combined with his audacity, as we have already observed in birds and mammals, and some of the lower animals. The male seeks to please the female to gain her favors. The brilliant colors of butterflies and birds, song, skill and proof of strength, often come to the aid of the male sexual instinct. Even in certain animals supplicant and plaintive sounds assist the male after his repeated refusal, apparently or in reality, by the female. We shall see in Chapter VI that savage men have a much greater tendency to tattoo and adorn themselves than have the women.
The art which man employs to seduce and conquer woman has been described to satiety in romances and novels, as well as in ethnographic works; so that we shall not dwell on it here. On the contrary, we shall show that in higher civilizations man is in general more sought after than woman, so that the latter has surpassed him in the art of flirtation or sexual conquest.
It is also important to remark to what extent the increase of man's mental complexity transforms his sexual tactics. The simple, natural, and at the same time bashful, modest manner, in which a naïve young man seeks to conquer a heart, usually produces no effect on the fashionable young lady, experienced in all refined pleasures and saturated with unhealthy novels. These young women are much more easily seduced by the art of Don Juan and the old roués, who are more adequate to deal with them because they have studied practically the psychology of the modern woman.
Instinct of Procreation.—Another irradiation of the male sexual instinct, connected with the preceding, is the instinct of procreation. If there were no other difficulties or consequences, man would without the least doubt be instinctively inclined to copulate with as many women as he could, and procreate as many children as possible. The more he is capable of satisfying his procreative instinct, the more he becomes self-exalted, as he thus sees himself multiplied and feels his power extended by the possession of a great number of wives and children. This is one of the principal causes which urge rich men and polygamous peoples to possess many women.
Coitus without object, like that of prostitution, can only assuage the sexual appetite and does not satisfy any of its higher irradiations. It is well known that a happy betrothal, reposing on true love, and not on pecuniary interests, often transforms a young man from pessimism to optimism, from misogyny to philogyny. Skeptics smile at this transformation and regard it as only the transient intoxication of love. This may be true in some cases, but, as we have seen above, when love is ennobled by deep understanding and mutual education, when each knows and respects the other, the transformation remains definite, and is strengthened so much that the honeymoon of the silver wedding is often happier and more exalted than that which followed marriage. We can then say that the optimism created by sexual union cemented by true love rests on the normal accomplishment of the object of life. I cannot too often repeat that work in common, especially social work, on the part of the conjoints, is necessary for their happiness to be complete, and to survive in the one who remains after the decease of the other.
Jealousy.—The worst irradiation, or rather the worst reaction of contrast of love, which we have inherited from our animal ancestors, and that which is the most deeply rooted, is jealousy. Jealousy is a heritage of animals and barbarism; that is what I would say to all those who, in the name of offended honor, would grant it rights and even place it on a pedestal. It is ten times better for a woman to marry an unfaithful than a jealous husband. From the phylogenetic point of view, jealousy originates in the struggle for the possession of woman, at a period when right depended only on brute force. Cunning and violence contended with each other, and when the conqueror was in possession of a female, he had to guard her jealously to prevent her being abducted. Furious combats ensued. As soon as an unaccustomed approach, a look or anything else awakened the least suspicion of the presence of a rival, the male was tormented with a continual and instinctive feeling of defiance and distrust, often increased by the remembrance of the sadness of former defeats and the impotent rage which followed.
The results of male jealousy in the history of marriage are truly incredible. I may mention the iron girdles with locks—the so-called girdles of chastity—which we still see in certain museums, which the knights of the Middle Ages put on their wives when they set off to the wars, in order to appease their jealousy. Many savage peoples do not content themselves with severely punishing adultery in woman, even by death, but even simple conversations with a strange man. Jealousy transforms marriage into a hell. It is often exalted in man to the point of a mania for persecution, to which it is analogous. It is also a very common symptom of alcoholism. Then the life of the unfortunate woman who is the object of it becomes a continual martyrdom. Perpetual suspicion accompanied by insults, threats and violent words, and even homicide may be the result of this atrocious passion.
Even in its more moderate and normal form, jealousy is a torment, for distrust and suspicion poison love. We often hear of justified jealousy; I maintain, on the contrary, that jealousy is never justified, and that it is only the brutal stupidity of an atavistic heritage, or a pathological symptom. A reasonable man who has doubts as to the fidelity of his wife has certainly the right to assure himself of their correctness. But of what use is it to be jealous? If he finds his suspicions false he has, by his manner, made his wife unnecessarily unhappy and destroyed conjugal confidence and happiness. If, on the contrary, his suspicions are well founded he has only to choose between one of two ways. If it is a case of amorous intoxication suggested by another man to his wife, who is often very unhappy about it, she may then be restored to her husband and pardoned, for in this case affection only can cure her, never jealousy. If, however, love for her husband is entirely extinguished in her, or if she is only a false intriguer without character, jealousy is even more absurd, for the game is not worth the candle, and immediate divorce is necessary.
Unfortunately, man only possesses very little control over his feelings when these are violent. The jealous person by nature, that is by heredity, is generally incurable and poisons his own existence at the same time as that of his wife. Such individuals should never marry.
In lunatic asylums, in law, and in novels jealousy plays an important part, for it is one of the most fruitful sources of tragedies and human unhappiness. The combined and persevering efforts of education and selection are necessary to gradually eliminate it from the human brain. We often hear it said of man and woman that they are not jealous enough, because they are too indulgent toward the extra-nuptial inclinations of their conjoint. When such indulgence rests on cynical indifference or on pecuniary interests, it is not the want of jealousy but the want of moral sense which is to blame. If it arises from real and reasoned love, it should on the contrary be highly respected and praised. I would wish all heroes of offended honor and all defenders of jealousy to reflect on the following case: