The sexual question

by Auguste Forel

Passiveness of Woman. Sexual Appetite.—Ideal love should never be dual egoism. What happens when two persons live exclusively for each other, if one of them dies? The survivor sinks into inconsolable despair, all that his heart was attached to is dead, because his love did not extend to other human beings, nor to social works. Widows then become as pitiable as old maids, although in another way, when they have lost the object of their exclusive love. This is why we recommend social work, not only for celibates, but also for loving couples.

I again emphasize the fact that in normal women, especially young girls, the sexual appetite is subordinate to love. In the young girl love is a mixture of exalted admiration for masculine courage and grandeur, and an ardent desire for affection and maternity. She wishes to be outwardly dominated by a man, but to dominate him by her heart. This sentimentalism of the young girl, joined to the passive role of her sex, produces in her a state of exaltation which often borders on ecstasy and then overcomes all the resistance of will and reason. The woman surrenders herself to the man of whom she is enamored, or who has conquered or hypnotized her. She is vanquished by his embraces and follows him submissively, and in such a state of mind she is capable of any folly.

Although more violent and impetuous in his love, man loses his sang-froid on the whole much less than woman. We can therefore say that the relative power of sentiment is on the average greater in woman, in spite of her passive role.

I cannot protest too strongly against the way in which men of the day disparage women and misunderstand them. In the way in which a young girl abandons herself to their sexual appetites, in caresses, and in the ecstasy of her love, they think they see the proof of a purely sensual eroticism, identical to their libidinous desire for coitus, while in reality she usually does not think of it, at any rate at first. The first coitus is usually painful to woman, often repugnant. Many are the cases where young girls, even when they knew the terrible social and individual dangers of their weakness, even when they have perhaps once already experienced the consequences, let the man abuse them without a word of complaint, without a trace of sexual pleasure or venereal orgasm, simply to please the one who desires them, because he is so good and amiable, and because refusal would give him so much pain. In his violent passion and in his egoism, man is generally incapable of understanding the power of this stoicism of a mind which surrenders itself in spite of all dangers and all its interests. He confounds his own appetites with the sentiments of the woman, and finds in this false interpretation of feminine psychology the excuses for the cowardice of which he gives proof when he yields to his passions. The psychology of the young girl who surrenders herself has been admirably depicted by Goethe in Gretchen ("Faust"), as well as by de Maupassant on several occasions.

It is necessary to know all these facts in order to estimate at its true value the ignominy of our social institutions and their bearing on woman's life. If men did not so misunderstand women, and especially if they were aware of the deep injustice of our customs and laws with regard to them, the better ones, at least, would think twice before seducing young girls, to abandon them afterward with their children. I am only speaking now of true love and not of the extortion so often practiced by women of low character, or those already educated in vice.

I shall say no more concerning eroticism, which really exists in many women, especially in those who are already experienced in sexual matters. On the other hand there are women who deceive their husbands and allow themselves to be seduced by any Don Juan, even when they have never had the least sexual appetite, or felt a single venereal orgasm. They allow themselves to be dragged in the mud and lose their reputation, their fortune and their family; they even let their seducer trample them under foot; they become defamed and treated as women without character, without honor and without any notion of duty. They are simply poor feeble creatures incapable of resisting masculine proposals. With good psychological training they would often become better women, active, devoted and full of life. It seems hardly credible, but it is true, that one sometimes finds in this category women who are highly gifted. It is then said that they are wanting in moral sense, but this is not always correct. In other respects they may be faithful to their duty, devoted, sometimes even energetic and heroic; but they submit to masculine influence to such a degree that they cannot conceive how to resist it. They find it quite natural to give way to it and their mind does not understand that the complete abandonment of their body to the man they love should not necessarily follow immediately after the abandonment of their heart, or even after the first kiss. It is impossible for them to make distinctions or to trace limits.

Idealism in Woman.—The cases I have just described are extreme, although very common; they give the note of a general phenomenon of feminine love in its exaltation. It is needless to say that reasonable women of high character behave themselves in quite another manner, however profound their love. Nevertheless the trait which we have just described is nearly always found at the bottom of all true love in woman, however much it may be veiled, dissimulated or conquered.

It is not always audacity or heroic deeds like those of the bold cavaliers of former days which excite love in woman. The external qualities of man, such as beauty and elegance, etc., also play a part, although their effect may be less decisive than that of the bodily charms of woman in exciting love in man. Intellectual superiority, high moral actions, and mental qualities in general, easily affect the heart of woman, which becomes exalted under their influence. But every man who becomes famous either for good or evil, the fashionable actor, the celebrated tenor, etc., has the power of exciting love in women. Women without education or those of inferior mental quality are naturally more easily affected by the bodily strength of man, and by his external appearance in general. Many women are especially liable to succumb under the influence of all that is mystic. These become infatuated by preachers, and religious enthusiasts, to say nothing of hypocrites.

Nothing is sadder than the contrast between the exalted love of a virtuous and chaste young girl, and the debauched life, with its traits of cynical pornography, of the majority of young men. Guy de Maupassant has described this contrast in a most striking manner in his romance entitled "Une Vie." I know a number of cases in which the complete ignorance of young married women with regard to sexual relations, combined with the cynical lewdness of their husbands, has transformed the exalted love of a young girl into profound disgust, and has sometimes even caused mental disorders. Although not very common, the psychoses resulting from the deception and shock of the nuptial night are not very rare. But what is much worse than this douche of cold water which suddenly substitutes the reality of coitus for the ideal exaltation of sentiment, are the subsequent discoveries made by the young wife, when the cynical mind of her husband on the subject of sexual connection and love is unveiled to her in all its grossness, resulting from his previous life of debauchery. Torn and sullied in its deepest fibers, the feminine mind then becomes the seat of a desperate struggle between reality full of deceptions and the illusions of a dream of happiness.

If it is only a question of bad habits, or want of tact in the husband, behind which there exists perhaps true love, the wounds in the woman's sentiment may heal and intimacy may develop; but when the cynicism is too marked, when the habits of sexual debauchery are too inveterate, the love of a virtuous woman is soon stifled, and is changed to resignation and disgust, often to martyrdom or hatred.