However, to come back to myself. Directly I returned to the kitchen, after having thrown the black brutes over the wall, I turned round to Miss Betsy, and said, “Throw that meat away, you nasty, perverse, self-willed minx; I wont have such meat cooked in my house, and if I don’t make you pay for another piece for me out of your next quarter, I hope I may never know the taste of a round of beef again—that’s all.”
Scarcely could I have been up stairs more than a quarter of an hour, than it struck me, that not only would it be a sad pity to waste such a beautiful piece of meat as that was when I saw it in the butcher’s shop, but I had already threatened to stop so many things out of Miss Betsy’s next quarter, that I felt convinced she could never pay for half of them. So off I trotted down stairs again, and told Betsy that, as a punishment, she and Wittals should have nothing else for their dinners but that very round of beef, until it was all gone. Just as I was going up stairs again, I happened to cast my eye on the dresser, and what should I see but a lozenge-box; so, of course, fancying I must have left it there when I was down before, I took it up, and putting it in my pocket, returned to the parlour, little thinking that it was the very one into which young Wittals had, not five minutes before, put his two beastly pet leeches.
Upon my word, the chill I had taken had settled into such a dreadful cold in the head, that really when I sat down to my work again in the parlour, I couldn’t do a stitch of work for it; and though, thanks to Mr. Jupp’s lozenges, my cough was much better, still my poor head was so bad, that I couldn’t let my handkerchief remain quiet in my pocket for two moments together;—and just after Betsy had taken the milk in for tea, I was seized with a violent fit of sneezing, and I had no sooner put my pocket handkerchief to my nose than I felt a sharp twinge at the end of it, just as if some one was driving a needle right in between my nostrils. When I snatched my handkerchief away, I was as certain as possible that there was something heavy hanging at the end of it, for I could not only feel it, but when I squinted down, I could see some dark coloured thing dangling backwards and forwards; I rushed to the mirror, to learn what on earth it could be—when, augh! if there wasn’t a long black beast of a large leech sticking quite fast to my nasal organ, just like the drop to a jet ear-ring. I gave a loud scream, and put up my handkerchief to take hold of the reptile, when, oh, la! if another of the nasty filthy brutes didn’t roll right out of it on to the rug.
No sooner did my poor dear Carlo, who was lying before the fire, see something fall, than up he jumped, and began sniffing away at it, and turning it over and over with his nose, until I declare if the reptile didn’t fasten right upon it; and there he was scampering about the room, with one of the brutes dangling to his nasal organ as well, tossing his head about, and growling away all the time like a mad thing; as for pulling the one at the end of mine off, positively it was a waste of time to try; for really and truly, the creature clung as fast as a barnacle, and besides being as slippery as an eel, was as elastic as Indian rubber. Off I flew to the bell, and pulled it hard enough to have pulled it down, all the time shaking my head away, in the hopes that I should be able to jerk the creature off, before that snail of a Betsy came with the salt—which, however, was the only means of getting rid of it—and which I’m sure she was ten minutes, if she was a second, in bringing to me.
As soon as the leech was off, I turned round upon Miss Betsy, and showing her the little star that the long black ogre had made at the end of my nose, (which really was as white as a parsnip too,) I told her to look there, and see how her wickedness had marked me to my dying day, (and sure enough I’ve got the scar now,) and then ask herself if she thought it was likely that I was going to keep her in my establishment another moment after such treatment as that. However, there was one thing that I could tell her, and that was, that I wasn’t—so I very civilly told her to go and pack up her trumpery things and rubbishing romances, and be out of the house before half-an-hour was over her head; and so, thank goodness gracious, the stupid, sentimental, novel-reading, leech-preserving hussy was.
As for that Master Wittals, I told Edward that either he or I must leave the house. And as I knew Mr. Sk—n—st—n wanted a sharp active lad in his office, and Wittals was sharp and active enough, Heaven knows, why, I made Edward take him down to L—nc—ln’s Inn, the very following morning, where he could try and see if he could manage the wild young colt.
Now, thank goodness, it is Miss Sarah’s turn!
Though I had her in the house while Betsy and Wittals were there, still, as I kept her closely locked up in the nursery, of course I thought there was no fear of her being spoilt by the other two. But, bless you, she didn’t want any spoiling, for I do think I never came near such an artful, deceitful, prudish, straight-laced vixen as that girl was. At first, I thought she was a pattern of virtue and affection, and that she loved children as much as she led me to believe she hated the men. My little Kate was nothing more nor less than “an angel dropped down from the skies, it was”—according to her; and it was always, “such a shame not to let it have what it wanted, a dear,”—with her nasty double-faced “bless its dear little heart!” and “love its sweet little eyes!” to my face; and then, how she would beat it, and pinch it, and shake it, behind my back—oh my! She would never marry, she wouldn’t, oh no! the men were such nasty selfish things, to her thinking, that she couldn’t bear the sight of them—not she; and all the while she would be lolling, nearly the whole of the day, half way out of the window, ogling and grinning at every whipper-snapper of a fellow that came within leer of the place. But if I had thought for a moment, I might have known that it would be the case. Any one would have fancied, I dare say, that I was sick and tired of pretty maids, after the way in which Miss Susan went on. But what was I to do? Either I must have my little cherub catching the expression of some common-looking servant girl, or else, if I had a decent-looking maid, with a pleasant face of her own for the little chick to look at, then I must be plagued to death by a pack of idle vagabonds of young men, always dancing at her heels wherever she went, and the girl looking after them instead of my little lamb. Then I used to send her out, like a stupid, into the Regent’s Park, for what I fancied was an airing for the child. Pretty airing, indeed! But more of this hereafter.
Well, one day, just after the new cook came in, I had packed off Miss Innocence with my darling poppit, in her little carriage, for a nice hour’s ride in the park. And as I watched little Kate down the street, I thought she did look so nice with her beautiful white feather coming over her straw hat, and her neat little green silk pelisse, which I had made on purpose for the little darling out of my old scarf,—and when I saw Sarah making the little dear shake its little, fat, tiny hand to me across the road, I couldn’t help saying to myself, “Well, I’m glad the girl’s fond of it, as I do think I should have fretted my life out, if I fancied that a servant of mine ill-treated or neglected any of my little ones.”
Kitty’s little dinner had been ready more than half-an-hour, and yet there were no signs of Sarah’s return with the pet, so I felt sure that either she had mistaken the time, or else—as it was a very fine day—had gone for a little longer walk than usual; and then, as I thought a mouthful of fresh air wouldn’t hurt me, and it was such charming weather, I ran up stairs and slipt on my bonnet and scarf, and determined on going and meeting them as they came home. “Ah!” I said to myself, while I was putting on my things, “now if that child had been out with any other person than a steady girl like Sarah, I should have been very much alarmed. And isn’t it much cheaper, now, to give a pound or two extra wages, and feel assured that wherever your child might go, and however long she might be away from you, she is, at least, out of harm’s way, and couldn’t be in better hands even if she were at home.”