“Immediately the footman told the coachman, the coachman told the coach-dog, the fat poodle heard of it and barked, and the Family Coach groaned in every part under the rubbing and the scrubbing that was bestowed upon the pole, the reins, the traces, the box, the fore-axles, the hind-axles, the fore-wheels, the hind-wheels, the lamps, the foot-board, the steps, the windows, the doors, the linch-pins, the hubs, the spokes, and the springs.
“At last, the off-leader and near-leader the off-wheeler and near-wheeler, were harnessed to the pole and traces; the blinders and reins were in apple-pie order; the lamps were lit, and the coachman mounted the box; the footman, the foot board; the old lady got inside, and the fat poodle was following, when, lo and behold! the coach-dog got jealous, seized the fat poodle by the leg, and made him bawl, ‘Ki-i! ki-i!’
“Then the coachman flourished his whip, the footman fell off the foot-board laughing, and the old lady nearly fainted. But a crack of the whip on the coach-dog’s tail made him let go, and the poor fat poodle got inside with a piece out of his leg; the leaders and wheelers pranced and danced, the axles groaned, and the Family Coach started.
“For some time all went on beautifully; the wheels rolled smoothly around; the leaders and wheelers trotted comfortably along; the coachman only cracked his whip for show; the footman amused himself by going to sleep; the old lady nodded inside; and the fat poodle stared out of the windows and doors, and grinned and made faces at the coach-dog, who had to run underneath.
“Presently the roads became rough, and the springs began to pitch the Family Coach about. The axles groaned, the linch-pins became shaky, the hubs were in a pucker, the spokes gave a warning crack, and the footman woke up with a prodigious jerk, that nearly took his head off. The coachman now gathered up the reins and cracked the whip in earnest; the old lady squeaked, and told the coachman to be careful; the coachman got saucy, and said he knew his own business best; the fat poodle began to turn pale, and the coach-dog took precious good care to keep himself and his tail out of danger.
“But oh! ah! alas! the very next minute the Family Coach went pounce into a great mud-hole. The coachman jumped off the box, the footman tumbled off the foot-board, and both tried to lift the fore-wheels and hind-wheels, but they found they couldn’t do it. Then they got back to their places; the coachman cracked his whip tremendously; the off-leader and near-leader, off-wheeler and near-wheeler, bounced and jumped, and pranced and danced, till their blinders were twisted into their eyes; the pole rattled; the reins and traces creaked; both the axles groaned; but the wheels wouldn’t turn.
“At last, slap, bang! with one tremendous crash! the linch-pins came out, and the wheels rolled off; the two leaders and two wheelers ran away with their blinders; the lamps were smashed; the doors and windows broken; the fat poodle fell on the old lady; the old lady tumbled down on the floor, which broke through, and all came pounce on the poor coach-dog, who lost his tail by its being squeezed off; and coachman, footman, old lady, fat poodle, and coach-dog lay all jumbled up amid the ruins of wheels, axles, reins, traces, whip, pole, lamps, foot-board, steps, windows, doors, linch-pins, hubs, spokes, and springs which once composed that splendid old fossil, the Family Coach.”
There were lots of forfeits to redeem, notwithstanding the natural quickness of little Lucy and the dogs, cats, and monkeys to whirl and spring about. Of course you know that if you forget to turn around when your name is called, you must pay a forfeit. The redeeming of these made an immense deal of laughing and chattering. The dogs acted funny, the cats funnier, and the monkeys funniest of all; while little Lucy’s eyes sparkled like diamonds, and she danced and sang the whole time; so, upon the whole, it was quite as delightful a party as one made altogether of good little boys and girls; for the best of all was, that not a single cross bark, snarl, mew, chatter, or squeal was heard; and I for one would much rather be invited to a party of perfectly polite and good-natured dogs, cats, and monkeys, than to one of children who wanted to slap and scratch. Wouldn’t you?
“Oh you funny, funny Aunt Fanny!” cried the children, laughing heartily, “to make dogs and cats teach us politeness; who ever heard of such a thing before?”