But, still ill at ease, I walked the deck restless and unhappy.
I no longer feared arrest, was confident that never would hand of human justice be laid on me, but I dimly felt that there was a divine justice which would exact retribution. I felt that if there was mind behind this frame of matter we see, then He who made the natural law and decreed a penalty for every infraction must have made an infallible decree for every violation against the moral law. If so, where could we poor insects go or hide, or how scheme or dodge to escape the divine vengeance?
But as I stood on the deck that night and watched the mountains sink into the sea I felt this all dimly, and tried to shake off the feeling. I stood fascinated, with many conflicting emotions sweeping through my mind, sadly watching the receding shores of Spain, and just as the highest mountains were sinking in the sea my servant appearing at my side informed me that dinner was ready and my wife waiting. Sending him away and turning my face to the land, I strained my eyes through the gathering gloom to discern the distant shore. Then with a bitter feeling in my heart I set out for the saloon, but stopped and quoting these lines—
"The day of my destiny is over,
And the star of my fate hath declined"
—went below.
Soon, under the warming influence of wine, forgetting all my forebodings and looking into my wife's face beaming with love and content, I could not refrain from saying to myself: I am a fool to doubt that happiness is mine. Am I not Fortune's favorite? With love, youth, enthusiasm, health and wealth on my side, what else save happy days and nights and long years filled with content can be mine?
So, shaking off my forebodings, the eighteen days of our voyage over green Neptune's back were ideal, and we became objects of envy to all the passengers.
Our ship was the Martinique, with French officers and crew, and a fine, manly lot of men they were. The passengers were mostly colonial people returning home to the French colonies in the West Indies. They were nice, refined people, but we were rather reserved and kept to ourselves. One of the passengers had a dozen Spanish fighting cocks, and they afforded us much amusement. There were frequent mains on the after deck and sometimes on the dinner table. These were very popular, particularly with the ladies, who were continually asking to have the cocks brought on after dessert. A space would be made in the centre of the table and two cocks placed on it. How they loved fighting! They certainly enjoyed it far better than the spectators. There were four long tables, all crowded, but when the main was started the other tables were deserted and the passengers packed around ours.
Our opposite neighbors were two Sisters of Charity who were on their way to the City of Mexico to fill a gap that death had made in the ranks of their order there. They were simple, sainted souls and had never known any life other than the religious, and never emerged from the cloister save only to do deeds of mercy in the country town outside. They had been selected by lot to go to Mexico. We were favored to become fast friends of theirs, and I was glad to have them accept such attentions as we could give. It was delightful to meet such simple, unsophisticated people under circumstances when, they being travelers, the rules of the Church permitted them to throw off their reserve, to associate with strangers and to live—so far as food and drink were concerned—like the people they were associated with for the time.