"I am afraid you will find it necessary to go into the enemy's lines," said the general.
It was now on my lips to ask General Morell whether I had choice in the matter, that is, whether I might decline the honour offered me; but I was checked by the thought that it would be impossible to explain my reluctance; and without an explanation of my peculiarity I should suffer the loss of his respect--something I did not wish to forfeit.
"No," he repeated, "you must get within their lines at night; remain a day with them, two if necessary, and come out at night. The distance is not great. A few miles to go and come, and a few miles within their lines."
Oh, yes! to him it was easy for me to do this. And I have no doubt that he honestly believed the reputed charm of such adventures fascinated me as well as others. But if that man on that accursed night of June had seen what was going on in me, he would have been far from choosing Jones Berwick as the man to send upon an enterprise that demanded a fixed purpose and an undisturbed mind; rather would he have ordered Dr. Khayme to see to it that I had perfect repose and gentle care lest worst should follow worse.
But how could I tell him? If I should desire to tell him, how could I presume upon his good-nature?--the good-nature of a general of a division, whose office was high and whose time was invaluable, and who, as I knew well, tolerated my presence for a few moments only, in order that he might accomplish a purpose.
I must decline or accept without explaining.
"You seem to hesitate, Berwick," said the general; "what is wrong?"
Brought thus face to face with decision, I could hesitate no longer; "I should like to confer with Dr. Khayme, General," I said.
He looked surprised. "What has Dr. Khayme to do with this?" he asked; then, in a milder tone, he said, "I have no objection, however; Dr. Khayme will help rather than hinder."
"The Doctor is my best friend," I said; "and he is much wiser than I am; if I should undertake the duty you outline, he would, as you say, General, help rather than hinder; he can be a very great help."