I obeyed. It was not strange that he should wish no unpleasantness. Though scouts are under orders just as other men are, it is not hard to understand that generals feel it necessary to be somewhat delicate in their treatment of such peculiar servants. I suppose that, in the mind of a general, there always exists some fear that his spies will not prove as diligent and self-sacrificing as they could be. I had not, in my treatment of General Morell, intentionally played upon this fear: such a course would have been contemptible; yet I could see at once the effect of my speech, and I endeavoured to set myself right in his mind.
"Perhaps, General," said I; "perhaps I have presumed too much upon the apparent nature of our former relations; if so, I beg to apologize. Give me a plain, direct order and I will try to obey it, and without mental reservation."
"But, Berwick, my good fellow, you know as well as I do that any order to a scout can only be of the most general nature; and you know, too, that an unwilling scout is no scout at all."
"Then, to be plain with you, General, I should greatly prefer that you send some other man on this expedition."
"Berwick," said he, "you are the best man available for this present work."
"Then order me to go, General."
"No," said he; "I'll humour you. Go to Dr. Khayme and return in one hour if possible--and no hard feelings," he added, giving me his hand.
As I went toward the Doctor's tent, my intense distaste for the work offered me seemed to lessen. Perhaps the night air had some effect on me; perhaps the general's parting words had soothed me; perhaps the mystery attaching to the council of war, so to speak, had exaggerated my fears at first, and now calmness had set in; at any rate, before I had reached the Doctor I was beginning to sympathize with General Morell, whose responsibility was so great, and whose evident desire to conciliate had touched me, and was wishing that I could have served him. Then, too, the question came to me what would General Morell do in case my refusal was final? And I had little doubt that the correct reply was: He will command me. And, in that case, our relationship would be weakened unnecessarily; better go willingly than seem to go sullenly. Yet, with all this, I had resolved that if any escape from this frightful duty should be presented, if any possible substitute could occur to the general's mind, or if, by any means, the bitter extreme of mental suffering, and even--I admitted it to myself--of mental danger, could be avoided, I should not consent to serve.
To speak of this subject to Dr. Khayme would give me no embarrassment; I was sure of his full sympathy; but I was hampered by a doubt as to how much I should tell him of the necessity which prompted the demand for my work. The three generals had spoken of important matters before me, or at least hinted at them, and General Morell had been still more communicative. I made up my mind to say nothing of these matters to the Doctor.
When I reached the tent I found my old master yet busy at his writing. As I entered he looked up at me, and immediately rose from his seat.