I felt but little interest in the talk of the men. My mind was upon myself. I gave my comrades no encouragement to speak with me, but lay apart, moody and feverish. Occasionally my thought, it is true, reverted to the situation of the army, but only for a moment. Something was about to be done; but if I could have controlled events, I would not have known what to choose. One thing, however, began to loom clear through the dim future: if we were working to get to Meade's rear, that general was in far greater danger than he had been at Gettysburg. With Lee at Manassas Junction, between Meade and Washington, the Army of the Potomac would yield from starvation, or fight at utter disadvantage; and there was no army to help near by, as McClellan's at Alexandria in sixty-two.
The night brought no movement.
XXXVI
THE ALPHABET
"I stoop not to despair;
For I have battled with mine agony,
And made me wings wherewith to overfly
The narrow circus of my dungeon wall."--BYRON.
On the next day, the 10th, we marched through Culpeper. I recognized the place; I had straggled through it on the road to Gettysburg. Again we went into bivouac early.
That afternoon I again thought of Dr. Frost's advice to hold to any clew I should ever get and work it out; I had a clew: I wondered how I could make a step toward an end.
To recover a lost name seemed difficult. The doctor had said will was required. My will was good. I began with the purpose of thinking all names that I could recall. My list was limited. Naturally my mind went over the roll of Company H, which, from having heard so often, I knew by heart. Adams, Bell, Bellot, and so on; the work brought an idea. I remembered hearing some one say that a forgotten name might be recovered with the systematic use of the alphabet. I wondered why I had not thought at once of this. I felt a great sense of relief. I now had a purpose and a plan.
At once I began to go through the A-b's. The first name I could get was Abbey; the next, Abbott, and so on, through all names built upon the letter A. I knew nobody by such names. My lost name might be one of these, but it did not seem to be, and I had nothing to rely upon except the hope that the real name, when found, would kindle at its touch a spark in my memory. Finally all the A's were exhausted--nothing.