But would he not know that the information I should take to the Confederates would be worth many men? He would be seriously injuring his cause.
Perhaps he made me promise not to use my information. No; that could not be true. He was above such conduct, and his affection for me was too sincere to admit the purpose of degrading me; neither would I have yielded.
And now I see other inconsistencies in all of these suppositions. For the Doctor to know that I was a Confederate, and at the same time help me to act the Union spy, would be deceit on his part. I am forced to admit that he knew my true character and that I knew he knew me.
But, MY GOD! Willis did not know me!
An instant has shown me Willis's face, his form, his red hair, as he attacked me at the close of the day at second Manassas! That look of relenting, when his powerful arm refused to strike me; that look of astonishment,--all now show that, in the supreme moment preceding death, he knew my face and was thunderstruck to find me a Confederate!
Willis had never known me as a Confederate; then why should the Doctor have known me as such?
Yet I am sure that Dr. Khayme has been to me much nearer than Willis ever was, and much more important to my life. And, besides, I feel that Willis could have been more easily deceived. I know that Willis did not know me, but the Doctor knew me, for he helped me return to the Confederates.
... Poor Willis! ... he refused to strike! ...
But why did Willis relent? Even after he knew that I was a rebel, he had refused to strike! Refused to strike a traitor? Why? Why?
I fear for my reason....