“I’ve got to say,” and she rose and faced him with a face white as death, “that—that—I cannot—do it! No,” speaking with dry lips, “it’s no use—my heart has failed me, and I am—going back.”
Lumley’s amazement was such, that he was dumb; twice he opened his mouth to speak, but only his breathing could be heard. At last he stammered out:
“Letty, you are not in earnest,—you cannot return; the worst is over, and I shall never let you go—never; consider that settled.”
“Oh, but you must—you must!” she cried, twisting her hands together. “I screwed up my courage—I wrote those farewell letters—I wrote to him, and I left home—it seems years ago; but before I was half-way to town I had repented. Yes,” speaking between short dry sobs, “you know my besetting failing; always standing at the cross roads. This time, I have made up my mind—I am,” and she gave a great sob, “sure of myself. I love you, dear, dear Lancelot, but if we carried out your plans, we should be miserable.”
“No we shouldn’t,” he broke in with hasty emphasis; “on the contrary, for the first time for years, you will know what it is to be free and young and happy; you will live like others of your own age, and enjoy a little sunshine.”
Looking at Letty as she stood with her back to the window, it seemed incredible that this slim young girl, was already a wife and mother.
“The sun, you mean, would never shine on me,” she replied. “All the time I would be thinking of Cara, wearying to see her, and feeling the most terrible remorse. Is there anything in the whole world, that can hurt like that?”
Lumley made no reply, he was struggling hard to keep his emotion well under control, and she continued tremulously:
“No one will ever know of this madness of mine—no one but you. Hugo does not come to Sharsley for months and months; as soon as I get back, I’ll destroy my letter to him, the others as well—they were to be posted to-morrow. There’s the mail-train at half-past eight, and I shall easily catch it.”
As she concluded, she picked up her hat, and put it on mechanically.