Pure. I must uncover myself unto him, or I shall never enjoy him, for all the cunning men’s promises. [Aside.] Good sir, hear me, I am worth six thousand pound, my love to you is become my rack; I’ll tell you all and the truth, since you hate the hypocrisy of the party-coloured brotherhood. These seven years I have been a wilful holy widow, only to draw feasts and gifts from my entangled suitors: I am also by office an assisting sister of the deacons, and a devourer, instead of a distributor of the alms. I am a special maker of marriages for our decayed brethren with our rich widows, for a third part of their wealth, when they are married, for the relief of the poor elect: as also our poor handsome young virgins, with our wealthy bachelors or widowers; to make them steal from their husbands, when I have confirmed them in the faith, and got all put into their custodies. And if I have not my bargain, they may sooner turn a scolding drab into a silent minister, than make me leave pronouncing reprobation and damnation unto them. Our elder, Zeal-of-the-land, would have had me, but I know him to be the capital knave of the land, making himself rich, by being made a feoffee in trust to deceased brethren, and cozening their heirs, by swearing the absolute gift of their inheritance. And thus having eased my conscience, and utter’d my heart with the tongue of my love; enjoy all my deceits together, I beseech you. I should not have revealed this to you, but that in time I think you are mad, and I hope you’ll think me so too, sir?
Quar. Stand aside, I’ll answer you presently. [He walks by.] Why should I not marry this six thousand pound, now I think on’t, and a good trade too that she has beside, ha? The t’other wench Winwife is sure of; there’s no expectation for me there. Here I may make myself some saver yet, if she continue mad, there’s the question. It is money that I want, why should not I marry the money when ’tis offer’d me? I have a license and all, it is but razing out one name, and putting in another. There’s no playing with a man’s fortune! I am resolved: I were truly mad an I would not!—Well, come your ways, follow me, an you will be mad, I’ll shew you a warrant!
[Takes her along with him.
Pure. Most zealously, it is that I zealously desire.
Over. [stopping him.] Sir, let me speak with you.
Quar. By whose warrant?
Over. The warrant that you tender, and respect so; Justice Overdo’s. I am the man, friend Troubleall, though thus disguised (as the careful magistrate ought) for the good of the republic in the Fair, and the weeding out of enormity. Do you want a house, or meat, or drink, or clothes? speak whatsoever it is, it shall be supplied you; what want you?
Quar. Nothing but your warrant.
Over. My warrant! for what?
Quar. To be gone, sir.