The Devil is an Ass

by Ben Jonson

Amb. No, S^r. I durſt not (For feare it might arriue at ſome body’s eare, It ſhould not) truſt my ſelfe to a common houſe; 25 Ambler tels this with extraordinary ſpeed. But got the Gentlewoman to goe with me, And carry her bedding to a Conduit-head, Hard by the place toward Tyborne, which they call My L. Majors Banqueting-houſe. Now Sir, This morning Was Execution; and I ner’e dream’t on’t 30 Till I heard the noiſe o’ the people, and the horſes; And neither I, nor the poore Gentlewoman [159]  Durſt ſtirre, till all was done and paſt: ſo that I’ the Interim, we fell a ſleepe againe.

He flags.

Mer. Nay, if you fall, from your gallop, I am gone S^r. 35

Amb. But, when I wak’d, to put on my cloathes, a ſute, I made new for the action, it was gone, And all my money, with my purſe, my ſeales, My hard-wax, and my table-bookes, my ſtudies, And a fine new deuiſe, I had to carry 40 My pen, and inke, my ciuet, and my tooth-picks, All vnder one. But, that which greiu’d me, was The Gentlewoman’s ſhoes (with a paire of roſes, And garters, I had giuen her for the buſineſſe) So as that made vs ſtay, till it was darke. 45 For I was faine to lend her mine, and walke In a rug, by her, barefoote, to Saint Giles’es.

Mer. A kind of Iriſh penance! Is this all, Sir?

Amb. To ſatisfie my Lady.

Mer. I will promiſe you, S^r.

Amb. I ha’ told the true Diſaſter.

Mer. I cannot ſtay wi’ you 50 Sir, to condole; but gratulate your returne.

Amb. An honeſt gentleman, but he’s neuer at leiſure To be himſelfe: He ha’s ſuch tides of buſineſſe.