Essays, or discourses, vol. 2 (of 4)

by Benito Jerónimo Feijoo

XCII. The second mistake, is that of all the visitors taking upon them to be physicians, and to prescribe for the sick person. This is an affectation practised by many; but when we consider, how abstruse and how arduous a study physic is, and how long practice and experience it requires to obtain a competent knowledge of it, and that the greatest ingenuity is found to be unequal to the acquisition; I say when we consider all this, must it not appear very absurd and presumptuous, for every one to pretend to take upon him the office. Thus, whatever a visitor fancies would be serviceable to the diseased person, either as food, or medicine, he is continually teasing the sick man, and vexing the physician with his recommendation of. How often have I seen very prudent and able physicians, much perplexed to determine what they should prescribe; and at the same time, have observed a thousand vain pretenders flourish away, and very self-sufficiently, and much to their own satisfaction, determine off hand, the medicine the patient should take! How many times also have I seen these conceited wrong-headed people, with their importunities, drive an able learned physician out of his course, who had determined, after well considering all the circumstances of his patient, to stand still for a little while, and leave the disease to nature, in order to see which way she would point; but persecuted and overcome by the pressing instances of the people we have been mentioning, he is brought to break this resolution, and to set pen to paper, and prescribe something that he had better have desisted from ordering! These ignorant folks, are ever exclaiming that nature should always be assisted. This is a grand aphorism; and one that all the world pretend to understand; but what such men as we have just mentioned fancy to be assisting nature, is in reality, and most commonly, cutting off her legs and arms.

SECT. XX.

Visits of Condolence.

XCIII. All those who labour under any great misfortune, may properly be classed among the sick or infirm. Those things which we commonly call diseases, begin with the body, and from thence proceed to affect the soul; but the disease of grief, or sadness, begins with the soul, and from that is communicated to, and infects the body. To the afflicted with grief, all the visitors should act the physician, nor indeed are there any other physicians, who can afford them so much relief. The cure of the passions of the soul, do not appertain to medicine, but to ethics. Thus the discretion of a man who visits an afflicted person may afford him relief, when all the precepts of old Hippocrates can furnish him with none.

XCIV. But what most frequently happens in these cases? why, that the visits of condolence, add a new affliction to him who is already borne down by grief. It is necessary to leave a disconsolate widow, or a man who was exceedingly fond of his deceased wife, for a few days after their loss to themselves, both out of respect to the formalities of the world, and to afford them an opportunity to vent their sorrow. The natural alleviators of great grief, are abundant tears, impetuous sighs, repeated exclamations, and extravagant gestures. None of these can be indulged by any one, while he or she is receiving a visit; for people at such times, are obliged to behave with as much composure, as a person who is acting a serious part in a play; and must confine themselves to expressions of their grief, that are purely theatrical. Their words and their sighs, must issue from them, in form, in order, and according to rule. Their bosoms are oppressed with an ocean of bitterness, and they are only permitted to vent it drop by drop. The doing of which if you consider it, does not afford them the slightest relief; but on the contrary, the violence they put upon themselves to conform to these regular demonstrations of sorrow, is rather an addition to their torment.

XCV. The cruel consequences that result to afflicted people, by denying them the natural breathings of their sorrow, and restraining them from venting their grief by all ways and means, is well explained by Picineli in his simile of a River, which swells the more, the more its course is obstructed, ab obice crescit; for so it is, that grief increases by being suppressed, and that the less vent is given to it, the more apt it is to suffocate. Strangulat inclusus dolor, said Ovid, who was well versed in these matters.

XCVI. For these reasons, I am of opinion, those who have met with such misfortunes, should for a certain time, be only seen by their relations and most intimate friends, their familiar intercourse with whom, would rather facilitate, than interrupt those burstings of their souls, which relieve the oppressions of their breasts. The visits of such people, should always be accompanied with expressions of friendship, and hearty tenders of kind and generous offers, and especially, when the grief is increased by apprehensions, that the consequences of the loss they have sustained, will be a partial, or total privation of their temporal conveniences. And besides those intimate friends and relations, the visits of some spiritual man, whose character for virtue and discretion is generally acknowledged and confessed, might afford great comfort in affliction, or to speak more properly, the interposition of Divine Providence through him, might administer greater relief in such cases, than could be furnished by the nearest relations, and the most sincere friends. And the best office that could be done to those who are borne down with grief by their friends and relations, might possibly be to procure them frequent visits from men of this character.

XCVII. I would have it understood, that I mean all I have just said, as applicable only to great and real griefs; for truly appearances in these cases are very uncertain and equivocal. If a father, a mother, a husband, or a wife dies, the nearest relation to the deceased party, manifests great tokens of being deeply affected. But who will believe that a husband can be greatly concerned for the death of his wife, who was known to be much fonder of other women than of her? or who can believe that a wife can be really grieved for the death of her husband, who always played the tyrant with her, and treated her like a galley-slave of matrimony? or who that a son can be feelingly affected by the death of a father, whose estate he has long panted to be in possession of? In such instances as these, multitudes of visits of condolence may not be improper; for condolences of compliment, are well suited to mournings of ceremony.

SECT. XXI.

Letter-writing.