“Singe?” I heard him say, and, before I could utter a protest a blaze of fire was dancing about my head. This was another case of hold your breath. Then I was thrown on my back again, and lengthy was massaging my face. He was handling it as though it was a piece of putty, and I wondered if I would know myself if I ever got a chance to look in the glass again. Then I was bounced into an upright position again, and I heard him say something about the danger of taking cold. The next I knew those long fingers were going through what was left of my hair, executing what he called an alcohol shampoo. There was nothing further he could do for me, but, as he presented me with my check, he slipped a bottle of hair tonic into my pocket.
“Greatest tonic on earth,” said he. “There are indications that your hair will begin to fall out in a few years, and you should be prepared.”
The check was two dollars and forty cents. I handed him three one dollar bills.
“Thanks!” said he, looking at the bills. “Sixty cents is the smallest tip I have had today, but it is all right, old man. Come in again.”
I clinched the bottle of hair tonic in one hand and a strong desire came to me to kill that barber on the spot. I took a step towards him. He had put the money away, had gotten hold of his razor with his right hand, and was stropping it on the palm of his left. A vision of those slashed hogs came before me, and I walked out, but if I ever meet that man separated from his razor, there is going to be trouble.
I am keeping a little book now and putting in it the things to be avoided. One of the first things down is to avoid a hotel barber shop on Christmas Eve. You can never forget that it is Christmas time. They commence telling you about it a week before Christmas, and don’t let up until a week after New Year’s.
When you first come into a hotel the boy shows you to your room, and after setting down your grip in the only place in the room where you would rather not have it, he fixes the windows. They most likely don’t need fixing, but he fixes them anyway. If they are shut, he opens them, and if they are open he shuts them. Then, if you don’t notice him, he stands on one foot awhile, then changes off and stands on the other. Then he coughs, and, if that doesn’t fetch you, he says:
“Anything more I can do for you?”
You say “No,” and he puts you down for a cheap guy and then goes down and tells the news to the rest of the bell hops.
The one who showed me up at this place wasn’t to be put off so easy. After he had worked all the old grafts he said: