Every Infidel ought to oppose this spirit, and vindicate the Author of Nature from the imputation of cruelty and carnage—an imputation that, is opposed to every idea of justice, and contrary to every thing we can conceive of the Supreme Ruler of all worlds. And hence, nothing can be more honorable to a man or woman of good sense and kindness of heart, than to assert that the God of the Bible is unworthy to be worshipped as the Governor of the Universe; which in fact is to say, that to all pretended divine revelations, they are no less than avowed Infidels—a name that will eventually be as honorable as is now the name of Christian.
According to Bible history, the nations on the other side of Jordan were so alarmed at the frightful news they received of the Jewish army, and the ravages they committed, that five Kings, with their armies, came out to stop their progress; and in this account, we have the climax of divine interference on the part of Jehovah. After a desperate effort was made by the five Kings to stop the progress of Joshua, and after fighting the whole day, until towards the going down of the sun, they retreated. At that moment Jehovah is said to have given support to his chosen people, by causing a hail-storm to descend, and more were slain by the hail than fell by the sword. But when the hail was exhausted, something more was requisite to be done; Divine aid was still wanting. Then Joshua, in sight of his army, said, “Sun stand thou still upon Gibeon, and thou, moon, in the valley of Ajalon,” and they obeyed his command. So that, according to this miracle, the hostile armies were completely destroyed, and the sun and moon (we suppose) were ordered to pursue their courses.
And now, reader, to believe this improbable, or rather impossible tale, and hundreds of others of the same sort, even in our day, will make a man respectable, and fit to fill any office where intelligence and honesty are required. But to doubt it, and publicly express the doubt, will cause him to be considered infamous, and unfit for “public trust or private care.” And this will be the case until men shall be bold enough to express their honest convictions that it is a libel to charge the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe with being the direct, or the indirect, author of the Bible, or having ever chosen the Jews to be his peculiar people.
But to return to Joshua, who appears to be more highly favored with miracles than Moses, as the miracle of the sun and moon standing still, to give time to Joshua to complete his victory over the Kings that came against him, exceeds every thing of the kind on record. The writer, whoever he was, that mentions the sun and moon standing still in the heavens, evidently knew nothing of astronomy; for admitting the truth of the story, and that the sun and moon appeared to stand fixed in the heavens, it was in reality the earth that instantly obeyed the command of Joshua. And another miracle must have followed immediately, to prevent the dreadful consequences of the earth’s ceasing from turning round on its axis: for we have but to consider the effects of the earth’s instantly ceasing to turn round; the shock would have been so great that trees and houses and the armies would have been thrown high in the air, and the battle would have immediately ended, the combatants being destroyed. But the tale is too foolish to be credited; and it furnishes another proof that the Jehovah of the Jews is not the Author of Nature. In this battle, Balaam, the soothsayer, was slain; and before finishing this chapter, we will give the account as recorded, with some remarks on that celebrated fortune-teller.
When the Children of Israel had left Egypt, and were marching to the land of promise, they had to go through different kingdoms and provinces; and their numbers, connected with the depredations they committed in the name of Jehovah, caused the inhabitants of those regions to be greatly alarmed; and understanding that their God fought for them and that they were about to pass through the land of Moab, Balak, King of Moab, having learned what had been done by them to the Amorites, sent to Balaam to consult with him, intending, if possible, to stop their progress, or at least, to find out what the Jewish God had destined his people to perform.
In the Book of Numbers, chapter xxii., the account commences. Balaam, it appears, was then what now would be called a celebrated conjuror, or, as country people say, a cunning man, by which he made a living, and a good one, too: for, from the Bible story, he appears to be a man well known by princes, and was attended by two servants as out-riders. Like our present lawyers, he never gave his services until he had received a handsome fee; for the King sent off the elders to Balaam, with the rewards of “divination in their hand.” Balaam received them, and invited them to stay with him till the next day, for, (as he told them,) he would first inquire of the Lord.
It is then recorded, that “God came unto Balaam, and said, what men are those with thee?” This inquiry of the Jewish God appears strange, when he must have known all about it without asking; but here, as in hundreds of other passages, the man-made God appears. But, for the information of the Lord, Balaam gives a suitable answer. The Lord then informs the fortune-teller that he must not go to Balak, nor curse them, for they are blessed. The elders then returned to the King, to inform him that Balaam could not come, because the God of Israel had forbid him so to do. Again, Balak sent others, more honorable than the first, with promises of riches and honor. The Lord came again to Balaam, and told him to go with the men to Balak, King of the Moabites, but to mind what the Lord had said to him. Balaam went off with the princes of Moab; but the Devil, or something else, got into the jack-ass on which the old fortune-teller rode, and he became skittish; and although then dumb, he seemed to say to his master, “I shall go no further.” Balaam became enraged, and laid some heavy stripes on poor jack; but still the animal refused to go on, until neither the Lord nor jack could bear it any longer. The beast then broke silence, and reasoned with the old prophet on his brutality. All of a sudden, Balaam saw an angel with a drawn sword in his hand, who told him if it had not been for jack’s superior eye-sight, he would have been a dead man. The angel then told Balaam to go on, but to mind what he did against Israel. What contemptible humbug is all this! two miracles performed to do nothing! The first, to send an angel down from nobody knows where; and the second, to make a dumb ass reprove his owner. And what was Balaam’s fault? He was going on as the Lord commanded; and to complete this solemn farce, an apostle quotes it as a real fact that actually took place, by saying—“And the dumb ass spake with man's voice, and forbade the madness of the prophet.”
After returning to Balak, Balaam ordered seven altars to be built, on which were to be offered seven bullocks and seven rams: and again, the Lord came to see the process, and in private conversation with the fortune-teller, told him that it would not answer; Israel must not be cursed. This was repeated by Balaam three times; so that twenty-one bullocks, and as many rams, were offered up to no purpose: and at each offering, the Lord came down and conversed in private with Balaam. Is it possible that men possessed of reason can believe that in this account there is one word of truth, as it respects the Governor of the Universe having any thing to do with it? If this account, or any one like it, was recorded in any other book than the Bible, no man of a sound mind would give the least credit to it. But yet the Christian dares not doubt it; for even the apostles of Jesus speak of it as a real fact that took place with the miracles attending it.
To conclude this chapter of absurdities, we beg the reader to bear in mind—first, that Balaam was not a prophet of Jehovah, but a conjuror; and if he professed any religion, it was that of heathenism. But he (Balaam) had heard of the manner of sacrificing to the Jewish God, and accordingly began by slaying seven bullocks and an equal number of rams; and while the altars were smoking, (if the Bible be true,) the Lord of the whole earth left his throne, and came down to see what was going on. The old fortune-teller was hard at work, and the princes of Moab standing by to hear the result; when lo, and behold! the Lord descends, and we may suppose him to say—“Balaam! why, you are cooking for a large party! Come, Balaam, before you go any further, a word with you, if you please. Come this way. What does all this mean? We must have some private talk about this affair.” “Why, my Lord, you know my business. I must do all I can for my employers; I thought that if sacrifice is made, agreeably to your order of worship, you might be induced to alter your mind towards your people: for we have heard that at times, when the fit comes on, you give them a severe thrashing.” “Yes, Balaam, there is some truth in the report; but I tell you, once for all, that if you offer all the bullocks in the world, and all the rams beside, you cannot, must not, curse Israel.”
No lawyer ever stuck closer to a rich client than did Balaam to the King of Moab; for again and again did he sacrifice to the Lord of Hosts. Another trial, on a mountain, was made, and again Jehovah descends and tells Balaam the same as before. The third and last effort being made, which would incline us to think that the patience of Heaven must have been tired out, was enough to make the doorkeeper exclaim, “Here is Monsieur Tonson come again!” The last descent is made by the Lord, and the prophet gives in, reluctantly. I challenge any minister of the gospel to produce a more absurd story, in any system of theology, than the account of Balaam, his ass, and the Lord of Hosts.