Sexual jealousy[AO] consists of three different emotions: 1) anguish at the suspicion or knowledge of violated chastity or outraged affection; 2) rage at a rival, and 3) revenge for the violation of a vested right. Anguish is the primary emotion, rage and revenge are its results. There are always three actors in every case of jealousy, the outraged victim, the mate and the rival. Of the three emotions anguish relates to the male, rage to the rival, and revenge concerns both the rival and the mate. In the analysis of the different emotions in the train of jealousy it is found that anguish, anxiety, fear and despair, which accompany jealousy and apparently constitute its essence, are not caused by outraged affection only, for the highest degree of jealousy is often found where love has long ceased to exist, and even when hatred has already entered into the relation of the mates. Anguish over violated chastity does not explain jealousy either, for jealousy is found among savages, who unhesitatingly lend their wives to others, or offer them as a courtesy to other men without any thought of their wives’ chastity. Neither does interference with one’s enjoyment explain jealousy. For the husband is always jealous of his wife’s lover, while the lover is rarely jealous of the husband. Yet the husband’s opportunity of interfering with the lover’s possession is by far greater than that of the latter with the husband’s. Thus fear of interference cannot play any great part in the emotion of jealousy. The revenge for the violation of vested rights cannot alone explain the terrible emotion of jealousy, which the royal poet of the “Song of Songs” declares to be “as cruel as the grave.” Besides, jealousy is often found where there are no vested rights at all, only a pretended claim.
The cause of jealousy must, therefore, be sought elsewhere. There must be a reason for the husband’s jealousy of a lover and the absence of this emotion in the mind of the lover towards the husband and the presence of jealousy in the heart of the lover in relation to any other succeeding lover. There must be a reason why the lover usually feels a kind of exultation at deceiving the husband or any other lover who has a previous claim upon the woman’s affection.
The cause of jealousy is mainly personal vanity. Just as the satisfaction to be loved, where one does not love himself, lies in satisfied vanity, so is jealousy based unconsciously upon the anguish of wounded vanity. This explains the psychological difference between husband and lover, or between first and second lover. The woman who loves one man is supposed to confer a certain honor upon him, but her indulgence with two men honors the one who has the lesser right upon her love. He who has the greater or the first claim is made an object of ridicule. Man in a natural state, not influenced by motives of civilization—and there it may really be true—considers the abandoned or deceived person the less charming and the less worthy. This original notion has been transmitted to us from our remote ancestors and unconsciously governs us even at the present day. The man who is loved by a married woman or the woman who is loved by a married man are supposed to possess certain excellencies which are lacking in their respective married partners. The latter are, therefore, exposed to ridicule.
Jealousy, therefore, is simply wounded vanity. The individual possessing a greater deal of vanity will also be jealous to a greater degree. Hence, as a rule, woman is more jealous than man, although the latter may be more brutal when in that mood.
Vanity and exposure to ridicule explain also why the wife, betrayed by her husband, when she confronts the culprits, generally attacks her rival. Vanity does not allow her to admit even to herself that her husband has preferred the other to her. Consequently her rival must have used some seductive means to entice her poor, worthy husband and to lead him astray. The rival is hence the one who deserves punishment. The husband, on the other hand, if betrayed by his wife, will attack first his wife, who has exposed him to ridicule; her lover generally concerns him in a lesser degree.
If personal vanity is not wounded, jealousy is also absent. A great man, acknowledged by the world as such, like Alexander or Caesar, is not jealous if his wife betrays him with an ordinary mortal. In this case the world sees the stupidity of the woman. She is not able to recognize the value of her husband and exposes herself to ridicule. A great man may, therefore, grieve over the loss of cherished affections, but he will rarely be jealous. A comely and cultured woman will never be jealous of her coarse and ignorant maid-servant. She has only pity for her husband’s aberration of taste.
A woman will seldom or never be jealous of the women her husband has consorted with before their marriage. She is not exposed to ridicule through his former love affairs. He did not marry the others but her. She was preferred. But for the possible impairment of his health and vigor, the more love affairs he had the more the wife is honored. The man has not been changed by his former love affairs. His wife has hence no palpable reason for resentment, and she may pardon her husband’s former love affairs without any derogation to her dignity. Not so man.
The woman’s anatomy is changed by defloration. The sperma is partly absorbed within her,[AP] and through her veins circulate material parts of her lover. She may have been pregnant for some time, and pregnancy changes the woman’s entire anatomy. She has partly nourished her system with blood owing half its nature to her child’s father. The woman has, therefore, a perennial impression left by her former mate.[AQ] This is the reason why aesthetic and fastidious men refrain from marrying a widow or a divorced woman. This is also the reason why the husband consciously or unconsciously resents his wife’s former escapades. This resentment is not jealousy, although it is commonly so called. Sorrow over his wife’s former violated chastity, which conventionality considers as the biggest crime a woman could commit, is not jealousy. He is only grieved that her former impurity has lowered her value. A woman really gives herself up, soul and body, to her first lover. The virginity of her heart is no longer intact. The fragrance has departed from the rose. The earnest man who actually gives up his soul to the wife of his choice and to the mother of his children expects in return a pure and virgin heart.