[103] ]Old Medford, the Water Wagon veteran, says he doesn’t remember a voyage attended by so many disasters. “We must get rid of the Jonah,” said he.
4.44 P. M.—The Captain made a neat little speech from the bridge, and presented to each passenger a dry-point picture of the good ship Lithia. Most of them were flung overboard.
After supper the Captain, a most considerate man, gave a smoker, in order to take the minds of the passengers off their fearful thirst. A [104] ]Keith circuit top-liner, who has a whole page and his picture in “Who’s Who on the Water Wagon,” gave an imitation of an actor refusing a drink. The audience overlooked the screaming absurdity of the plot in their admiration for the artistic performance.
Professor Argus, the mind wizard, offered to read the minds of all the audience at one crack. Challenged to perform this astounding feat, the Professor smiled and said, “You are all thinking that it is almost time for a long cold highball.” Crackling shouts of admiration came from [105] ]the parched throats of the audience, and the protest, “Fake! Fake! Somebody must have told you!”
Harvey Steele, a floor-walker in a wholesale anchor house, was the next entertainer. He gave a realistic imitation of a crooked barkeep playing on an upright cash register. When he finished the audience declared there was nothing in it.