“I will telegraph at once to Bresser,” said Frederick, “to send on disinfectants.”
What happened immediately after this I am no longer able to set down in detail, because the scene at the breakfast-table was the last which at that time I entered in the red book. I can only tell the events of the next few days from memory. Fear and anxiety filled us all—yes, all. Who, in a time of epidemic, could help trembling when living amongst those dear to him? For the sword of Damocles was always suspended over the dear one’s head, and even to die oneself, so terribly and so uselessly, who is there that such a thought would not fill with horror? The chief proof of courage consists in this: not to think about it.
To flee? The idea had occurred to myself also, so as to get my little Rudolf into a safe place.
My father, in spite of all his fatalism, insisted on flight for the others. The whole family were to be off next day. He alone determined on remaining, in order not to abandon his household and the inhabitants of the village in their danger. Frederick declared in the most decisive manner his determination to remain, and this involved at once my decision. I would never voluntarily leave my husband.
Aunt Mary with the two girls and with Otto and Rudolf were to depart as quickly as possible—whither? That was not yet settled. In the first place, to Hungary—as far away as possible. The fiancées did not make any opposition whatever, but were busy in helping to pack. To die, when the near future promised the fulfilment of the warm desires of love, i.e., a tenfold delight in living, would be to die tenfold.
The boxes had been brought into the dining-room, so that with the united assistance of all the work might go on quicker. I was bringing a package of Rudolf’s clothes under my arm.
“Why does not your maid do that?” asked my father.
“I do not know where Netty has got to. I have rung for her several times, and she does not come, so I prefer to wait on myself.”
“You spoil your people,” said my father angrily, and he gave orders to a footman to look for the girl everywhere and bring her there immediately.
After a time the man who had been sent returned, looking confused.