"I likewise told you you were groping after an ideal," he went on.
"And I found it. Perhaps I had already found it when I asked the question. Oh, Laurence, life is all wrong, all horribly wrong and out of joint," she burst forth, with a passionate catch in her voice, as she turned and faced him once more.
"Yes, I know it is. I came to that conclusion a goodish while ago, and have never seen any reason since to doubt its absolute accuracy."
"All out of joint!" she repeated hopelessly. "It is as if our lives had been placed opposite each other on parallel lines, and then one of the lines had been moved. Then our lives lay apart forever."
"That's about it."
She was not deceived. His tone was hard; to all appearances indifferent. Yet not to her ear did it so ring. She knew the immensity of effort that kept it—and what lay behind it—under control. Then she broke down entirely.
"Laurence, my love—my doubly lost love!" she uttered through a choking whirlwind of sobs. "Teach me some of your strength—some of your hardness. Then, perhaps, I can bear things better."
"A chain is no stronger than its weakest link, remember, and perhaps you have shown me the weak link here—that of my 'hardness.' Child, I would not teach you an iota of it, if I could. It is good for me, but no woman was ever the better for it yet. But keep yourself in hand now. We are in a public place, although a comparatively secluded one. For your own sake, do not give way. And for the very reason that I feared to stir up old memories, I had intended to go through without attempting to see you once more. Tell me one thing—would it have been better had I done so?"
"Better had you done so? No—no. A thousand times no—Laurence, my darling. I shall treasure up this last hour we have spent together—shall treasure it as the sweetest of memories as long as life shall last."
"And I shall treasure up that reply. Listen! Twice has your love stood between me and death, as I have told you. Yet of the third time I have never told you. It was the day I decided to go up-country. I had done with life. The pistol was pressed hard against my forehead. I was gradually trying how much more pressure the trigger would bear. A hair's breadth would have done it. Then it seemed that your voice was in my ear. Your form stood before me. I tell you, Lilith, you saved me that day as surely as though you had actually been within the room. I put the pistol down."